LXXXVI.
AFTER THE OCTOBER ELECTIONS, 1865.
Saint's Rest (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Jersey), }
October the 11th, 1865.
Ohio, Ablishn!
Pennsylvany, Ablishn!
Noo Jersey, not eggsackly Ablishn, but approachin thereunto.
Sich is the encouragin news I read in the newspapers this
mornin! Sich is the result uv labors Herculian, in the above-named
States. What do the people mean?
The pure Dimokrasy, probably, will carry Noo York; but of
what consolation is that to me? The two parties, the old,
anshent Dimokrasy and the Ablishn, run a race into the realms
uv Radikalism, and the Dimokrasy beat them over a length.
With a platform standin by Johnson, endorsin his anti-slavery
notions, his Suthern oppression notions, his hangin uv Mrs.
Surratt, et settry, and on that platform a soljer who never votid
a Dimekratik ticket in his life, who went into the war a Radikle
Ablishnist and who kum out a Radikle Ablishnist, I don't know
that I hev much to choose atween em.
Last week I wuz invited into a county in Noo York, to address
a Dimekratik meetin. I accepted (ez my expenses were
paid, wich is cheeper and better boardin than I get at the
groceries to home), and accordingly I went. I commenst deliverin
the speech I hed used all over Noo Jersey. I commenst
abusin the nigger, when the cheerman interrupted me.
“Well,” sez I, “wat is it?” rather angrily, for when I git
warmed up and a sweatin, I don't like to be interruptid.
“Why,” sed he, “our constooshn allows a nigger who hez
$250 to vote, and most uv em hev that sum, and we make it a
pint to sekoor em.”
“They're a d—d site better off than most uv us white Dimekrats
in Noo Jersey, retortid I, a droppin the nigger and goin
on agin President Johnson.
“Stop,” whispered the cheerman; “our platform indorses
President Johnson.”
“Thunder!” remarked I, droppin President Johnson, and
slidin easily into a viggerus denunciation uv the war.
“Good God!” sez the cheerman, “stop! Our platform indorses
the war.”
I sed nothin this time, but commenst denouncin the debt.
“Hold!” sed the cheerman; “easy — our platform backs up
the debt.”
“Well, then,” sed I, in a rage, “why in blazes didn't yoo send
me a copy of yoor platform when yoo wantid me to address
yoo? Go to thunder, and make yoor own speeches;” and I
stalked off the platform.
Time wuz when wun speech wood do a man all over the
North. Now yoo hev to hev a diffrent wun for every State,
wich makes it impossible for me to travel, for wun effort per
season is enuff for me.
But, ez I wuz a sayin, we are beat agin, and beat badly —
beat on issues uv our own makin — beat with taxes, bonds, war
debt, and nigger equality all in our favor. Don't say to me
that we redoost their majorities. What difference does it make
to a defeatid candidate, whether the majority agin him is one
thousand or one hundred? A needle will kill a man ez effectually
ez a broadsword, ef it's stuck in the right place. So a
majority uv wun is enuff. I hev known men to hold orfises
four years, and hev good appetites, on a majority uv one. It's
the orfises we wuz a goin for — it's them our patriots wanted,
and it's no consolation to them to say they missed by a small
majority! It's holler mockery — the same ez tho you'd show
a starvin man a loaf uv bread jest inside uv iron bars — his
fingers are not a inch from it, but, so far ez his cravin stumick
is concerned, it mite ez well be across the boundless ocean.
We may recover from this backset, but I hev my fears. The
people is ez stupid ez ever, and our leaders is ez acoot ez ever;
but, alas! the fact that we hev failed in everything we hev
undertook, for four years, is gettin thro the hair uv thousands,
and they look askant at us.
Be it ez it may, it makes but little difference to me. A few
years, and I shel go hence. Ef the Bible is troo, I shel go
where I will find a heavy Dimekratik majority, shoor; ef it is
not, and there is no hereafter, why, then, at last, I shel be on a
level with the best.
“So, let the wide world wag ez it will,”
I'll keep on the even tenor uv my way, takin my nips ez often
ez I kin find a confidin sole who hez more money than discreshun.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
