72. LXXII.
HAS A VISION.
Saint's Rest (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Jersey), }
May the 31st, 1865.
Dreams wuz common in the old skriptooral times, and wuz
considered ez prophetikle. I hed a dreem last nite, wich may
or not mean suthin. Ef it may, Lord help the undersined, is
my prayer, continooally.
I dreamed I wuz dead — that, assistid by a typhus fever
and two doctors, I hed busted the bonds uv mortality, and hed
sored to the unknown hereafter. Up I went to the gates uv
the tother world, wher I wuz confronted by Peter.
“Wher yoo from?” sez he.
“Noo Jersey,” sez I.
“Wuz yoo a good cittizen?” sez he.
“I wuz a Dimekrat who never scratcht a tickit,” sez I.
“Hev yoo votid that tickit for the last four years, and kin
yoo read?” sez he.
“I hev and kin,” sez I.
“Then yoor place is below,” sez he. “Git.”
Wich I did. I met his Majesty, Satan the I., at his door, and
he welcomed me corjelly. I wuz disappointed in his personal
appearance. He wuz a middle-aged man, gentlemanly in style,
resemblin Jeff'son Davis very much, only hevin a more intellectooal
cast uv countenance.
“Welcome,” sez he. “I hev bin spectin yoo sum time.”
“Hev yoo many uv the Dimokrasy with yoo,” sez I.
“Not many uv the ginooine Copperheds,” sez he.
“Uv course, yoo hevn't,” sez I; “we average ez good ez —”
“That's not it,” sez he, gazin onto me with a expreshun uv
intense fondness, “that's not jist it. All but about ten or
eleven from each county git out by pleadin ignorance, and
idiocy, and sich. But it's all rite. I make it up by hevin a
heavier force to spare to stir up the few leaders. Yoo kin read
print, can't yoo?” he askt anxshusly.
“I kin,” sez I.
“All rite,” sez he. “Jefferson Davis will be along in a few
months, tho ef he don't show more man than he did when he
wuz caught, he'll make poor amusement.”
“He's a disgrace to his sex — he ort to hev bin a woman,”
sez I.
“Troo,” retorts he; “but, ez Shakspeer sez, `there's a
divinity that shapes our ends.' Then Alec Stephens!”
“Will yoo git him? He wuz originally opposed to seceshn.”
“That's my best holt. Davis wuz alluz a secesh; Benjamin
wuz, becoz he thot it wood pay — on them I've hed a morgage
ever sence they arrived at the years uv accountability. Stephens
knowd seceshn wuz wrong — he can't pleed ignorance
nor nuthin, for he warnd his people agin it, and then wuz bot
up into doin it hisself for the poor privilege uv playin second
fiddle to Jeff Davis, who drawd a mizrable bow hisself. I've
dead wood on him.”
“Tell me, gentle sir,” sez I, “how about Fernandywood,
Vallandigum, et al., ez the lawyers say.”
“In doo time they're mine,” sez he. “They can't save
themselves by repentance, even. They are now past forty,
and ef they'd commence in dead earnest, tryin to do ez much
good ez they hev bad, and lived till they wuz ez old ez Methoozeler,
they couldn't make a commencement toward balancin
the books. By the way, speekin uv Methooseler, I hed
to wate pashently for customers in them days, when men lived
900 years.
“There's Corry, Colorado Jewet, and Garret Davis,” continnerd
he, “I've hed my eye on. Jewet and Corry I'll lose
— there's a place outside uv my jurisdicshen for sich. They
ain't responsible, yoo see. The devils that wuz cast out uv the
man and took refuge in the swine, left the swine when they
wuz drowned, and hev inhabited many men sence. Two uv
em are in Corry and wun in Jewet, to-day. Garret Davis hez,
evry now and then, a glimrin uv sense; he shows, occasionally,
surface indicashens uv intelleck, not quite enuff for a lunatic,
and too much for a ideot. I may git him, and may not. But
yoo will hev plenty uv company. The stand yoor party took,
druv thousands uv men into cussednis, who knowd better, and
who, ef let alone, wood hev dodged me. I hev an eye on sum
who denounst Vallandigum, and yet, when the screws wuz brot
down onto em — and, by the way, jist sich ez yoo turnd them
sed screws (and he pokt me jockularly in the ribs) — actually
presided at Vallandigum meetins, and voted for him. Then,
after he wuz defeetid, they swore they didn't vote for him at
all, addin a dirty lie to the original sin, wich is givin the devil
(ez yoo style me) his due, with compound interest.
“But excuse me — I'll show yoo to yoor apartmence. This
way, my dear sir.”
I objected to goin, and looked anxshusly around for a escape.
Observin this, a change come o'er this polite gentleman afore
me. His eyes glistend, a sulphurus stream ishood from his
mouth, his feet partid into hoofs, his fingers elongatid into claws.
I observed a tail peepin down under his coat; in short, he wuz
transformed into the identicle devil I hed seen on several
occashens, when laborin under attacks uv delirium tremens,
sooperindoost by drinkin a barrel or so too much elecshun
whisky, doorin hotly-contestid campanes. He reecht one claw
for me, when I awoke. To say I wuz rejoiced at findin myself
still on prayin ground, is weak — 'twuz joy onspeekable. I
can't interprit the dream.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
