95. XCV.
THE SITUATION. — THE DEMOCRACY WARNED.
Confedrit × Roads (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), }
February 15, 1866.
[1]
I hev hed hopes uv Androo Johnson. My waitin sole hez
bin centred onto him for a year back. He wuz the Moses wich
I spected wood lead the Democrisy out uv the desolate Egypt
into which we hev bin making bricks without straw for five
long weary and dreary years. O, how I hev yearned for Johnson!
O, how I hev waited, day after day, and week after
week, and month after month, for some manifestation uv Dimocrisy
wich is satisfactory — suthin tangible — suthin that I
cood take hold on.
Faith is the substance uv things hoped for, and the evidence
of things not seen; wich is all right so fur ez religion is concerned,
but uv no account in politix. A friend uv mine, who
wuz a monomaniac on the subjick uv faith, undertook to live
on it, under the insane belief that ef a man had faith, pork
wuz unnecessary. Wuz the experiment a success? Not
any. When he commenst the trial he weighed 200; in a
week he wuz down to 125; and in fourteen days he slept in
the valley!
I hev been livin on faith for a year or more, and I too am
thin. My bones show; light shines through me; I am faint
and sick. O, for suthin that I can see and feel — suthin
solid!
Our Dimocratic newspapers are supportin Androo Johnson.
They claim that his policy is our policy; that he is ourn, and
we are hizn. They are singin hosanners to him. At his every
act they exclaim Halleloogy! in chorus. What is it all about?
In what partikeler hez Androo Johnson showed hisself to be a
Dimokrat? In the name uv Dimocrisy let me ask, “
Where is
the offices?” Who's got em? What is the politikle convicshuns
uv the wretch who is post master at the Corners, and
who only last nite refused, in the most heartless manner, to
trust me for postage stamps? Who is the Collectors, the Assessors,
et settry? Are they constitooshnel Dimokrats? Is
Stanton, and Seward, and Welles histed out uv the cabinet, and
Vallandigum, and Brite, and Wood appinted in their places?
Not onct. Every post master, every collector, every assessor,
every officer, is a Ablishinist, dyed deeply and in fast colors.
Faith without works is a weak institution; its like a whisky
punch with the whisky omitted, wich is a disgustin mixter uv
warm water and sugar. What is it to me (who hev bin ready
to accept any position uv wich the salary wuz sufficient to
maintain a individooal uv simple habits) who is beheaded, so
ez I don't get a place? Androo Johnson may cut off offishl
heads ez dexterously and profoosely ez he chooses; but my
sole refuses to thrill when I know that Ablishnists, though uv
a different stripe, will be apinted. So long ez Dimocrats are
kept out, what care I who hez the places? Paul may plant
and Apollus water; but uv what account is the plantin and
waterin to me ef I don't get the increase? I take no delight
in sich spectacles. Ef Androo Johnson proposes to be a Dimocrat,
— ef he desires the honest, hearty support uv the party,
— let him seel his faith with works.
I visited Washington with the express purpose uv seein the
second Jackson. I am a frank man, and I laid the matter afore
him without hesitation. I told him that the Postmaster at the
Corners wuz opposin his policy and aboosin him continually;
that it wuz a outrage that men holdin place under the Administration
should not sustain the Administration. In the name
uv Right, I demanded a change.
I sposed that to-wunst the position would be offered to me;
and that after protestin a sufficient time that I did not wish it,
and would prefer the appintment of some more worthy man, I
should accept it, and go home provided for three years. Imagine
my deep, my unutterable disgust, when he told me that
he wood investigate the matter, and probably wood make a
change, provided he could find, in the vicinity, some original
Union man who would accept the place.
Then the iron entered my soul. Then I felt that in him we
had no lot nor part.
Our principles are uv a very comprehensive nature. We
are willin to endorse Androo Johnson, or any other man. We
will endorse his theories uv Reconstruction, or any man's theories.
We are elastic, like Injy rubber. The boy who set a
hen on a hundred eggs acknowledged to his maternal parent
that she could not kiver em; but he remarked he wanted to
see the old thing spred herself. We have that spreadin capacity.
We kin accommodate the prejudices uv the people uv all
the various localities. In Connecticut we are singin John
Brown's body lies a mouldrin in the grave, in a modritly loud
tone, and supporting a Ablishnist who voted for doin away with
slavery in the District of Columby and for the Constooshnel
Amendment. In Kentucky we are hangin men uv the John
Brown style, and mobbin all uv the persuasion uv the Connecticut
nominee. Sich a variety uv principle, — a party uv sich
adaptibility, — kin hev but one great central idee, on wich
there is no diversity uv opinion, and to which all other ideas is
subordinate. That idea is Post Office! and ef Androo Johnson
could be got rite on that question, we'd care not wat else
he required uv us.
We hev our arms around Androo. We are huggin him to
our buzzums; but he hez left his baggage to hum. That baggage
is wat we want; and we shel fling him off shortly, onless
he changes his policy in this respeck. He kin hev us on easy
terms; but he must furnish the ammunishun with which to
fight his battles. Will he do it? That's the question a hundred
thousand hungry soles, who hanker even ez I do, are daily
askin.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
