76. LXXVI.
ISSUES AN ADDRESS TO THE SOUTHERN
DEMOCRACY.
Saint's Rest (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Jersey), }
July the 21st, 1865.
To the Dimokrasy uv the Suthern Staits:
Dearly beloved, I saloot yoo!
The events uv the past four years hev bin momenchus.
The war hez ended — to a sooperfishel observer it wood seem
disastrusly to yoo and us, but to him whose eagle eye kin
pierce the misty fucher, gloriously.
Troo, we lost the orfises, and hev bin for four long and weary
years on steril ground, whose fruits wuz wormy and whose
water wuz bitter. So the childern uv Israel wandered forty
years in the wildernis, but they finally found a Canan, full uv
fatnis, runnin with milk and honey, and sich. So shel we
emerge into our Canan ere long.
The war hez hed its uses. We hev diskivered that the
Suthern Dimekrat cood be depended on to fite; yoo hev diskivered
that the Northern Dimekrat cood be depended on to
do yoor dirty work, thro thick or thin, and we hev both diskivered
that the Ablishnist is no coward, and will really make
sacrifices for principle. Knowin all this, we kin work intelligently
in the fucher.
It is the dooty now uv every Suthern Dimekrat to take the
oath to-wunst, and be metamorphosed into loyalty. Then
we've got em. Demand, ez only a Sutherner kin demand, that
the military be withdrawd, and that yoor representatives be
admitted. Then, ef we kin carry enuff deestriks North, yoo
hev the game in yoor own hand. But to accomplish this last
feat, yoo must aid us.
We hev bin unforchnit in our politikle venchers, and at least
wun uv our prophecies must cum troo, otherwise how kin we
go afore the people? The nigger is all we've left, and the variety
we hev up here is uv no yoose to us, for they are all
earnin their own livin, and ain't crowdin white folks out uv
poor-houses, at all. It's my candid convicshun that the
grovelin cusses work and earn money jest to spite us. In
some localities, our sagashus managers hev indoost sum uv em
to drink with em, and in a few months got em into delirium
tremens, and their families into the poor-houses. To their
untutored bowels our likker is litenin. But this can't be dun
ginrally, becoz it's all our leaders kin do to keep their own
skins full. To yoo we look for aid.
A enterprisin Yankee (cusses on the race!) wuz wunst askt
wat biznis he followd to make so much money. He replied
that he hed the itch, and he traveled ahead, givin it to
people, his brother comin immejitly after, sellin a cure. Let
us imitate their wisdom. Promptly ship to each Northern stait
200,000 old niggers who can't work, and to make asshoorence
doubly shoor, starve em awhile, and run the measles and small-pox
thro em. Mix with em a few thousand black wimmen with
mulatto childern, to show the horrors uv amalgamashun. Then
we'd hev suthin to go on! Ez we carted em into the poor-houses,
and levid taxes to support em, how our speakers wood
gush! how our papers wood howl! After four years uv failyoor
in the prophecy biznis, the ijee uv hevin wun cum troo,
sets me into a delirium tremens uv joy.
Then, immejitly, yoor legislachers must pass stringent laws
agin a nigger leavin his respective county, and then pass
another law not allowin any man to give able-bodied wuns to
exceed $5 a month. This dun, I hev faith to bleeve thousands
uv em will beg to be agin enslaved, about mid winter. Ef they
will persist in dyin in freedom, we kin, at least, pint to ther
bodies, and say in a sepulkral tone: “Wen niggers wuz wuth
$1500, they wuz not allowd to die thus — behold the froots uv
Ablishn philanthropy!” Either way, it's cappital for us.
Yoo must inkulkate the doctrin uv State Rites zealuser than
ever, and while yoo are gittin yoor people tuned up on that,
we'll hammer away at debt and corrupshun, and sich deliteful
themes, and wunst more we'll git the Ablishnist under our feet.
I hev indicatid briefly the ginral outlines uv the policy we
must pursoo ef we wood succeed. Uther ijees will sejest
themselves to yoo — let us hev em, and we'll act on em.
In conclooshun. Be wary and untirin. Remember, on yoo
depends the politikle fortunes uv the thousands who wunst
held offis, but who hev bin to grass for four long weery years.
We must succeed now or never.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashur
