123. CXXIII.
A SERMON UPON THE NOVEMBER ELECTIONS, FROM
THE TEXT, “NO MAN PUTTETH NEW WINE INTO
OLD BOTTLES,” WITH A DIGRESSION OR TWO.
Confedrit × Roads (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), }
November 16, 1866.
When the news uv the result of the Illinoy election reached
the Corners, there wuz a feelin uv oneasiness wich was trooly
affectin; but when the crushin intelligence arove that Hoffman
wuz beeten in Noo York, there wuz a prostration wich wuz
only ekalled when the intelligence of Lee's surrender reached
us. We expected defeat in Illinoy, and some of the other
States, but we hed hopes that Noo York wood go Dimocratic,
that His Eggslency mite hev some show uv backin by the people,
and consekently some excoose for continyooin to enforce
his policy. But that hope wuz taken from us, and uv the entire
populashen, I wuz the only one who hed suffishent stamina to
preserve the semblance uv cheerfulness, and that wuz only on
akkount uv my hevin the Post Offis. Elections can't take that
from me: it is a rock wich the waves uv popler indignashen
can't wash away, thank the Lord! for ef they cood, how many
uv us wood to-day be holdin our places? Still, I felt overwhelmed,
and sorrowfully I entered Bascom's. There, with
their heads bowed in sorrer, and tears flowin from their venerable
eyes, sot Deekin Pogram, Elder Slathers, and a few others
of the Saints, who, ez I entered, mekanikally rose, and stood
afore the bar; mekanikally Bascom, who wuz likewise bowed
down with grief, sot out the invigorator; mekanikally we dosed
ourselves, and still in a daze, mekanikally I moved out without
payin, Bascom bein too full uv sorrer to notis it.
It wuz deemed proper, in a view uv the great calamity, that
services shood be held in the church, and at 2 P. M. — wich
with us mite be said to mean post mortem — we slowly and
sadly filed in, the only smilin countenance in site bein that uv
a nigger at the door, who wuz to-wunst beltid over the head
for lookin happy.
I gave out the hymn, —
“Broad is the road wich leeds to death,” —
and it wuz sung with tetchin pathos. After the weepin hed
subsided, and I got my feelings calmed down so ez to permit
me to speek, I commenst explainin to em the causes uv the
result. It wuz, I sed, a chastenin sent onto us for our sins; a
stripin becoz we hed exalted our horn in our pride; that,
gloryin in the possession uv the post offices, the collectorships,
the assessorships, and sich, we hed become vainglorious and
puffed up, and careless in performance uv dooties. Ther wuz
niggers in Kentucky a goin about free, and impiously settin at
naught the decrees uv Providence, wich condemned em to be
servants uv their brethren; and here I digressed to eloocydate
a pint. I hed seen stricters in a Boston paper onto the common
practice uv amalgamashen in the South, wich paper held up
the practis to the condemnashen uv pious men. “My brethren,”
sed I, “them Boston Ablishnists hev no cleer understandin
uv the Skripter. When Ham wuz cust by Noar, wat wuz that
cuss? `
He shel be a servant unto his brethren.' Not unto
strangers; not unto the Philistine, or the Girgeshite, or the
Millerite, but unto his brethren! How cood he be servant
unto his brethren except thro amalgamashen? Onless we
amalgamated with em, how wood the male niggers be our brethren?
O, my brethren! we wuz obliged to do these things,
that the Skripters mite be fulfilled; and to the credit uv the
Southern people, be it sed, that they never shrunk from the
performance uv that dooty. The per cent. uv yeller niggers
in this State attests how faithful Kentucky hez bin.”
But to resoom. We hev sinned in permittin skools to come
in, and unfit em for their normal and skriptural condishen; but
these is not all. My brethren, go to Esq. McGavitt's, and get
the township Bible, and search till yoo find this yer text: —
“And no man putteth new wine into old bottles, else the new wine doth bust
the bottles, and the wine is spilled.”
My brethren, wich is the bottles? The Dimocrisey, uv
course; and the most uv em may be considered old ones. We
hev actid as bottles, carrying about flooids — not percisely
wine, but the modern substitoot therefor — from our earliest
infancy. Wich is new wine? The Ablishnists wich follered
Johnson, uv course. New wine is frothy; so wuz they. New
wine fizzes; so did they. New wine hez strength for a minnit;
so hed they. New wine is unreliable; so wuz they. At Philadelphy
the puttin uv this new wine into old bottles wuz accomplished;
at that accursed place anshent Dimocrisy, wich beleeves
in Ham and Hagar, met and fell onto the necks uv
Seward and Doolittle, wich invented Ablishnism, and we mingled
our teers together; the new wine wuz put into the venerable
old bottle uv Dimocrisy, and notwithstandin we hooped it with
Federal patronage, it busted, and great wuz the bust thereof;
and the fragments uv the bottles wuz prone onto the earth, and
the new wine is runnin round permiscus. So wuz the Skripter
fulfilled.
And, my brethren, while yoo are at the Squire's huntin up
that text, keep on till yoo find another, to wit: —
“No man also seweth a piece uv old cloth onto a new garment, else the new
piece that filleth it up taketh it away from the old, and the rent is made
worse.”
My hearers, Democrisy went to Philadelphy in a soot uv
gray, wich it hed bin a wearin for five years. It wuz trooly
old, and ther wuz greevious rents in it, made mostly by bayonets,
and sich. O, why wuzn't we content to wear it? Why wuz
we not satisfied with it? Agin wuz the Skripters fulfilled.
We patched up the Confedrit gray with Federal blue; we put
onto the back, Seward; onto the knees, Randall; onto the
shoulders, Cowan; and onto the seat, Johnson; and they wuz
stitched together with Post Offisis. But it didn't hold. The
Skripters wuz fulfilled; the old cloth wuz rotten, and one by
one patches fell off, somewhat dirtied, and takin with em a part
uv the old, and the rents is bigger than before. Our coat is
busted at the elbows, our pants is frayed round the bottoms,
out at the knees, and from behind the flag uv distress waveth
drearily in the cold wind.
My brethren, we will succeed when we stick to our integrity.
Wat wuz the yoose uv our assoomin what we did not hev?
Wat wuz the sence uv our askin our people to vote for Kernels
for Congris wich hed, doorin the war, drafted their sons? Wat
wuz the yoose uv talking Constooshnel Amendments to men
who spozed that Internal Improvements and a Nashnel Bank
wuz still the ishoo? Wat wuz the yoose uv lettin go our holt
on nigger equality, wich is the right bower, left bower, and
ace uv the Democrisy, — its tower uv strength, its anker and
cheefest trust, and wich is easy uv comprehension, and eminently
adapted to the Democratic intelleck, — and takin up
questions wich will all be settled ten years afore they begin to
comprehend em? In breef, wat wuz the sense, my brethren,
in puttin new wine into old bottles? — uv patchin old cloth
with new? Let us be warned, and never repeet the fatle
error.
The congregashen dispersed somewhat sadly, but ez they
gathered at Bascom's to discuss the sermon, I wuz gratified at
observin a visible improvement in their temper. Bascom hisself
bussled around lively; Deekin Pogram remarked that
probably it wuz unskriptooral to put new wine into old tubs,
but ez he didn't hev an ijee that the prohibishen extended to
new whisky, he'd resk it, bust or no bust, and he pizened hisself
very much in the old style, and Elder Slather and Kernel
McPelter so far recovered their sperits ez to hang the nigger
I menshend in the beginnin ez lookin pleased at the church.
The Corners is rapidly gettin itself agin.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P. M.
(wich is Postmaster).
