62. LXII.
CONSULTS THE SPIRITS.
Saint's Rest (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Jersey), }
December the 19th, 1864.
I can't say I bleeve in speritualism. I've tried it several
times, but the result wuz never satisfactory. I never cood
determine in my own mind ez to whether the sperits uv them
ez purported to be strangers, wuz ginooine, not knowin their
style, whereupon I wood call up the sperit uv a deceest acquaintance.
The conversashen wood then run ez follows: —
Me. “Is the sperit of Jotham Smith present?”
Sperit. “It is. Who calls?”
Me. “Nasby, Petroleum V.”
Sperit. (Vehemently.) “Pay to my widder, yoo old thief,
the thirteen dollars and a half you borrered uv me six years
ago.”
Now, that coodent hev been the sperit uv Jotham Smith,
becoz the said Jotham, when in life, labord manfully for three
yeers to git that money, and hed signally failed, and for years
hed quit tryin. It coodent hev been Jotham, for he knowd me
too well. Ef it wuz his sperit, it proves concloosively to me
that the sperit is etherial, and when releest from the body,
wich restrains it, it becums flighty.
A friend uv mine, here, is a speritooalist, and he invited me
wun nite to a cirkle. I went, hopin to find out wat wuz the
destiny uv the Dimekratik party. I boldly called for the sperit
uv Androo Jaxon. It cum.
“Androo,” sez I, “father uv Dimokrasy, I, wun uv yer perlitikle
children —”
“Hold!” interuptid he. “Did yoo vote for Valandigum?”
“I supportid that persekootid saint.”
“And Micklellan?”
“Onquestionably I votid for that great general and statesman.”
“And after that yoo hev the impudence to call yerselves
children uv mine! Yoor in error, my gentle friend, on the
daddy question, or yoo lie wilfully. Yoor Dimekratik party
hezn't my politikle eyes, nose, mouth, or expreshun. Yoor
the son uv that hoary old traitor, Calhoon, and a mizrable, deformed,
misshapen ape it is. Yoo strangled the Dimokrasy I
left yoo, and hev put Calhoon's into its close.”
“Androo,” sez I, “how do you git along with the latter-day
Dimokrasy, who deceese, universally regretted, et settry.”
“Git along with em! They don't none uv em cum here.
There's another and a hotterer place for sich.”
I then called for the sperit uv Floyd, Bookannon's Secretary,
and late Genral in Confedrit servis. He cum to-wunst.
“J. B.,” sez I, “wat is the fucher uv the Dimokratic party?”
“Fucher!” replied he, smilin a sperit smile; “why, man,
it's in its fucher now. It's deceest, and ought to hev a tomb-stun
put up to commemorate its virchoos, immejitly, and regardlis
uv expense. I say regardlis uv expense, becoz, the meaner
a man is, the more tomb-stun he needs. Marble is the best
material to tell lies on now in use. To resoom. Dimokrasy
wuz seized with a mortal illnis in '60, wen Linkin wuz electid.
The blood is the life. Offis is the blood uv Dimokrasy, and
wen that wuz withdrawn, Dimokrasy wuz a depleted cuss. It
struggled agin hope until last fall, when it kicked its last kick,
and a mity week kick it wuz. Dost thou think ef I cood hev
been Secretary uv War, perpetooally, with the unlimited facilities
for stealin we enjoyed under Bookannon, that I wood hev
rebelled? Not any. The North druv us to it, by takin evry
wun uv the offisis.”
He woodent communikate no more, and the cirkle closed. I
am inclined to bleeve them sperits wuz ginooine. They told a
great deal uv trooth — trooths that we can't get over. We
shel see.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
