5. V.
ANNIHILATES AN OBERLINITE.
Columbus, O., June the 21st, 1862.
[1]
I wuz onto my way to Columbus to attend the annooal
gatherin uv the faithful at that city, a dooty I hev religusly
performd for over 30 yeres. Ther wuz but wun seat vakent
in the car, and onto that I sot down. Presently a gentleman
carryin uv a carpit-bag sot down beside me, and we to-wunst
commenst conversashen. After discussin the crops, the weather,
et settry, I askt wher he resided.
“In Oberlin,” sez he.
“Oberlin!” shreekt I. “Oberlin! wher Ablishnism runs
rampant — wher a nigger is 100 per cent. better nor a white
man — wher a mulatto is a objik uv pity on account uv hevin
white blood! Oberlin! that stonest the Dimekratik prophets,
and woodent be gathered under Vallandygum's wings as a
hen-hawk gathereth chickens, at no price! Oberlin, that gives
all the profits uv her college to the support uv the underground
railroad —”
“But —” sez he.
“Oberlin,” continyood I, “that reskoos niggers, and sets at
defiance the benificent laws for takin on em back to their kind
and hevenly-minded masters! Oberlin! —”
“My jentle frend,” sez he, “Oberlin don't do nuthin uv the
kind. Yoo've bin misinformd. Oberlin respex the laws, and
hez now a body uv her gallant sons in the feeld a fightin to
maintane the Constooshn.”
“A fightin to maintane the Constooshn,” retortid I. “My
frend” (and I spoke impressivly), “no Oberlin man is a doin
any sich thing. Oberlin commenst this war. Oberlin wuz the
prime cause uv all the trubble. What wuz the beginnin uv it?
Our Suthrin brethrin wantid the territories — Oberlin objectid.
They wantid Kansas for ther blessid instooshn — Oberlin agin
objecks. They sent colonies with muskits and sich, to hold the
territory — Oberlin sent two thousand armed with Bibles and
Sharp's rifles — two instooshns Dimokrasy cood never stand
afore — and druv em out. They wantid Breckinridge fer
President. Oberlin refused, and elektid Linkin. Then they
seceded; and why is it that they still hold out?”
He made no anser.
“Becoz,” continyood I, transfixin him with my penetratin
gaze, “Oberlin won't submit. We might to-day hev peese ef
Oberlin wood say to Linkin, `Resine!' and to Geff Davis, `Come
up higher!' When I say Oberlin, understand it ez figgerative
for the entire Ablishn party, wich Oberlin is the fountinhead.
There's wher the trouble is. Our Suthern brethren
wuz reasonable. So long as the Dimokrasy controlled things,
and they got all they wanted, they wuz peeceable. Oberlin
ariz — the Dimokrasy wuz beet down, and they riz up agin it.”
Jest exsactly eighty-six yeres ago, akordin to Jayneses Almanac,
a work wich I perooz annually with grate delite, the
Amerykin eagle (whose portrate any wun who possessis a 5-cent
peece kin behold) wuz born, the Goddis uv Liberty bein
its mother, the Spirit uv Freedom its sire, Thomas Jefferson
actin ez physician on the occasion. The proud bird growd ez
tho it slept on guano — its left wing dipt into the Pacific, its
rite into the Atlantic, its beek thretened Kanady, while his majestik
tale cast a shadder ore the Gulf. Sich wuz the eagle up
to March, '61. What is his condishn now? His hed hangs,
his tale droops, ther's no strength in his talons. What's the
trouble? Oberlin. He hed been fed on nigger for yeres, and
hed thrived on the diet. Oberlin got the keepin uv him — she
withholds his nateral food; and onless Oberlin is whaled this
fall, down goes the eagle.
