109. CIX.
PREACHES — THE “PRODIGAL SON.” — AN INTERRUPTION.
Confedrit × Roads (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), }
July 6, 1866.
I preached last Sabbath, or rather, tried to, from the parable
of the Prodigal Son. We hed a splendid congregashun. I
notice a revival of the work in this part uv the Dimocratic
vineyard wich reely cheers me. The demonstrashun our friends
made in Memphis, the canin uv Grinnel by Rosso, and the call
for a Johnson Convenshun in Philadelphia, all, all hev conspired
to comfort the souls uv the Dimocrisy, and encourage em to
renewed effort. It is bringing forth fruit. Only last week five
northern men were sent whirlin out of this section. They
dusted in the night to escape hangin, leavin their goods as a
prey for the righteous. Six niggers hev been killed and one
Burow officer shot. Trooly there is everything to encourage
us.
The house wuz full. The weather wuz hot, and the pleasant
incense uv mingled whiskey, tobacco, and snuff wich ariz wuz
grateful to me. The sun shone in on Deekin Pogram's face ez
he gently slept, and when the sun hits him square I kin alluz
tell wher he sets, even ef it is dark. He drinks apple-jack
instead of corn whiskey, and chaws fine-cut tobacker instead
uv plug, and consekently when in the pulpit I kin distinguish
the pecooliar aroma uv his breath from those around him.
“My brethren,” sed I, “sich uv yoo ez hev Bibles in yoor
houses, kin get somebody to read yoo the parable to wich I
shel call yoor attention. A man, wunst upon a time, hed sons,
ez many men hev since, and wun uv em wuz a tough one, who
hed a taste for that pertikeler branch uv agriculture known ez
sowin wild oats. He left his home and went into far countries,
makin the old man shel out his share uv the estate, and he lived
high, jist, my brethren, ez yoor boys do, or rather, did, when
they went to Noo Orleans, in the days when yoo hed a nigger
or two wich yoo cood sell to supply em with money. He
played draw poker and faro; he drank fancy drinks, and boarded
at big hotels; and he follered after strange women, which 'll
bust a man quicker nor any one small sin the devil hez yet invented,
ez yoor pastor kin testify. Uv course, his pile give
out, and he got down, my friends, did this ingenuous yooth, to
rags and wretchedness, and ended in being an overseer uv
swine. What did he do? He ariz and went to his father, and
the old man saw him afar off, and went out to meet him, and
fell onto his neck, and give him a order for a suit of clothes
and a pair uv boots, and put a ring onto his finger, and made a
feast, killin for the purpose the fatted calf wich he hed saved
for another occasion.
“My friends, you kin find in the Skripter suthin applicable
to every occasion, and this parable fits the present time like a
ready-made coat. The South is the Prodigal Son. We went
out from our father's house on a expedition wich hezn't proved
altogether a success. We spent our share uv the estate, and
a little more. We run through with our means, and hev cum
down to rags, and dirt, and filth, and hunger. We are, and
hev bin some time, a chawin husks. We run out after them
twin harlots, Slavery and State Rights, and they've cleaned us
out. Our pockets are empty. No more doth the pleasant half-dollar
jingle in sweet unison agin its fellows. Our wallets is
barren uv postal currency, and the grocery-keepers mourn, and
refuse to be comforted, becoz we are not. We hev got to the
husk stage uv our woe, and wood be tendin hogs, ef the armies,
wich past through these countries, hed left us any. We hev
come back. In rags and dirt we hev wended our way to Washington,
and ask to be taken back. Now, why don't our father,
the Government, fulfil the Skripter? Why don't it see us afar
off, and run out to meet us? Why don't it put onto us a purple
robe? Where's the ring for our finger, and the shoes for our
feet? and where's the fatted calf he ought to kill? My brethren,
them Ablishnists is worse than infiddles — while they
preach the gospel they won't practise it. For my part,
I —”
At this point a sargent, belongin to that infernal Burow, who
wuz in the audience, with enough uv soldiers to make opposin
uv him unpleasant, sed he hed bin a sort uv an exhorter in his
day, and desired to say a word in explanation uv that parable,
ez applicable to the present time; and, sez he, “ef I am interrupted,
remember I b'long to the church military, wich is, just
now, the church triumphant.” And cockin his musket he proceeded,
very much uninterrupted.
“The prodigal son,” sez he, “wuz received by the old man
with considerable doins, but, my worthy friends, he went out
decently. He didn't, ez soon ez he withdrawed from the house,
turn around and make war onto the old gentleman — he didn't
burn his house and barns, tear up his garden, burn his fences,
and knock down the balance uv his children. Not any. He
went away peaceably, a misguided good-for-nothin, but yet a
peaceable good-for-nothin. Secondly, he come back uv his own
akkord. The old man didn't go after him, and fight for four
years, at a cost uv half his substance, to subdue him and bring
him back, but when he hed run through his pile, and squandered
his share uv the estate, and got hungry, he came back like a
whipped dog.
“My friends, let me draw a parallel between these cases.
“The Prodigal Son went out, — so did the South, — thus
farly the cases is alike.
“The Prodigal didn't steal nothin. The Confederacy took
everything it cood lay its hands on.
“The Prodigal spent only what wuz his to spend. The Confederacy
spent not only all it stole, but all it cood borrer, when
it knowed its promises to pay wuzent worth the mizable paper
they wuz printed onto.
“The Prodigal, when he did come, come ez penitent ez the
consciousness that he hed made a fool uv hisself cood make
him. The Confederacy wuz whipped back, but it still swears
hefty oaths that it wuz right all the time.
“The Prodigal didn't demand veal pot-pies, and purple robes,
and sich, but begged to be a servant unto the more sensible
brethren wich stayed. The South comes back demandin office,
uv wich the fatted calf, and rings, and purple robes is typical,
and considerably more share in the government than it had
before it kicked over the traces, and went out.
“Spozn the Bible prodigal hed stopped his parient, and remarked
to him thus: `I am willin to come back, on conditions.
Yoo must pay my debts — yoo must give me an ekal share uv
the farm with the other boys — yoo must treat me in all respecks
just ez ef I hadn't gone out, and — this is essential —
yoo must take with me all the sharpers who ruined me, all the
gamblers and thieves with whom I fell in while I wuz away,
and make them head men on the place; and above all, I hev
with me the two harlots wich wuz the prime cause of my ruin,
and they must hev eleven of the best rooms in the house, and
must be treated ez your daughters. To avoid displeasin the
others, I'll dress em in different clothes, but here they must
stay. Otherwise, I'll go out agin.'
“Probably the old gentleman wood hev become indignant,
and would hev remarked to him to go, and never let him see
his audacious face agin, or rather, he would hev strangled the
harlots, scattered the blacklegs, and choked the young sprout
into submission. Them's me. I am anxious to kill that fatted
calf, and am also anxious to put on yoo robes and shoes. But,
alas! the calf suffered from want uv attention so long doorin
the late misunderstandins that he's too poor — the robes wuz
all cut up into bloo kotes for the soljers we sent out to fetch
yoo in — the shoes they wore out, and the rings — Jeff'son
Davis wears the only style we hev. When you come back in
good shape, yool find us ready to meet yoo; but till then, chaw
husks?”
Lookin around, this armed tyrant remarked that there would
be no more preaching that day, and sadly the congregation
dispersed.
I am heart sick. At every turn I make that Burow stares
me in the face, and counteracts my best endeavors. It's
curious, though, what different sermons kin be preached from
the same text, and it's also curious how quiet our folks listen
to a Ablishnist who hez muskets to back him.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
