162. CLXII.
A CONVENTION AT THE CORNERS.
Post Offis, Confedrit × Roads }
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
April 26, 1868.
There never will be peace, or anything like it, at the Corners
till that disturber, Joe Bigler, and his adherent, Pollock, are
shot, or otherwise killed. In the olden time, afore the inoggerashen
uv the Ablisheners, we hed a short way uv disposin
uv sich. It wuz a maxim in the South that ther cood be peece
only wher ther wuz a perfeck yoonanimity uv sentiment, and to
bring about that onenis uv idees — that deliteful concord wich
wuz so desirable — we were in the habit uv shootin or hangin
the most stubborn uv those wich didn't agree with the majority,
and tarrin and featherin those who were yet accessible to
Kentucky reason. By viggerusly persooin this course the
minorities in this vicinity wuz kept tollably small and controllable.
Why these cusses hevent bin so treated passes my
comprehenshen.
Our convenshun to nominate candidates for county offices
wuz held yesterday. I wuz cheerman uv course, for I now
okkupy that posishen (since it wuz discovered that Captain
McPelter kin write he hez bin Sekretary), and I felt a sinkin
sensashen when I saw that cuss, Bigler, and that other cuss,
Pollock, enter the door.
Deekin Pogram, ez he saw em, biled over. Risin to his feet,
the venerable old patriark inquired, in a voice tremulous with
emoshun, wat in thunder he wuz there for.
“Josef, hev yoo a rite to set in a Democratic convenshun,
holdin, ez yoo do, opinyuns the reverse uv Dimocratic?”
“Deekin,” returned this Bigler, “I carry in my body Fedral
lead — I wuz under the Confedrit flag in sixty battles, skermishes,
and skedaddles. I hev a certifikate to that effeck from
the late lamented John Morgan. That certifikit wood admit
me to a seet in any Dimocratic Convenshun in the North —
shel it not be sufficient here in Kentucky? Alars, the Profit
is not without honor save in his own Cross Roads.”
And Josef let on he wept, when Pollock ostentashusly
handed him a pocket handkercher.
“Ef I hed any hetrodox views I hev repented uv em, me
and Pollock, and we perpose to vote for all yer resolooshens,
like frisky lambs wat is glad to get back to the troo fold.
Don't we Pollock?”
“Certin, we do. The Convenshun may go on and count
us in ez troo converts from Ablishism; wich, in view uv the
fact that my store hez bin set on fire twict becoz uv my awful
opinions, I may be sed to be literally a brand pluckt from the
burnin. Go on.”
Findin they wuz bound to stay, we went on. The first thing
in order wuz the adopshen uv resolooshens, ez follows: —
1. We resolved we hed the utmost confidence in Androo
Johnson, President uv the Yoonited States, pervided he wuzn't
impeeched; ef he wuz, then we shood hev the privilege uv
considerin him worthy uv confidence or not, ez the circumstances
uv the case shood warrant.
2. That the Congris uv the Yoonited States wuz a unconstitooshnel
body, wich wuz persistently endeavrin to break up the
Government uv the Yoonited States.
3. That the thanks uv the Democracy is due the people uv
the South for their forbearance in not risin to sweep the radical
faction from the face uv the earth.
At this pint Bigler arose. He wanted to know ef this convenshen,
stylin itself Democratic, wuz agoin to be satisfied
with them resolooshens? He called for the readin uv the
regler one, without wich no Democratic platform wuz complete.
He referred to the one dedicatin this Government forever to
white men. “Here it is,” he sed.
Resolved, That this Government wuz established by white
men, and that white men will keep it intact for white men and
their posterity forever.
“I demand, ez a white man,” sed this Bigler, “that this
resolooshun be added. Let every white man, every proud
Caucashen, who believes in race, say `Aye,' and with emphasis.”
And every one uv em hollered out “Aye” with all their
mite.
“Good!” sed Bigler, “good. White men and their posterity!
Wat a noble sentiment! Say `Aye' to my resolooshun agin.”
And they yelled “Aye” agin.
“Now Pollock, brother in the troo faith, newly baptized,
will yoo open the door? It's better to be a door-keeper in the
house uv Democracy than to dwell in the tents of Ablishnism.
Open the door.”
Wich Pollock did, and then entered — wat! Good Heavens!
— A Hundred Mulatto, Quadroon, and Octoroon Niggers
— two by two.
“Wat does this mean?” shrieked I.
“Who are them?” gasped Deekin Pogram.
“Hell!” sed Issaker Gavitt, profanely.
“They are the posterity referred to in my resolooshen.
`This Government wuz established by white men, and shel be
preserved for white men and their posterity,' I think it read.
These are the posterity. There may be a few here who wood
be barred out on the score uv bein the posterity of white
women, but these are excepshuns. The majority uv those
here, ez yoo kin easily determine by their color, are the posterity
uv white men. They are not pure black. Here is
every shade, from the subdood yaller uv the mulatto, up to the
almost white uv him who hez only a sixteenth part nigger
blood in his veins. Uv coorse they will take seats and assist
us in nominatin the ticket wich called us together.”
“Uv course they won't!” roared Deekin Pogram. “I
never will set in a convenshen with niggers — never! never!!
never!!!”
“Very good. Ef this is the yoonanimus decision, we won't
nominate any ticket. I take the responsibility uv bustin this
Convenshen. But, O, Deekin! wat a goin back on yoor principles!
Dare yoo deny that these shades, these modified
mokes, are the posterity uv white men? Deekin, shood yoo
cast yoor beamin eye over this assemblage, woodent it rest
parentally and lovinly onto yoor own posterity? O, Deekin,
ef yoo go back on the resolooshen wich yoo yoonanimously
voted for, don't, I beg uv yoo, go back onto nacher. Don't
desert yoor children. Don't turn a deef ear to the pleadins uv
nacher, or a blind eye to her supplications. Hannibal Pogram,
go and beg yoor father to permit yoo, his posterity, sharcely
blacker than he, and a cussid site handsomer, to mix in this
yere caucus.”
The Deekin indignantly left the room, and I follered soot,
wich eggsample wuz follered by all uv us. Bigler and Pollock
remained, and nominated a ticket uv these half-bleached cusses,
making it up entirely uv the Pogram, Gavitt, and Punt niggers,
ez these names, they sed, hed weight in the county! Who
will deliver us from these two bodies uv death.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P. M.
(wich is Postmaster).
