97. XCVII.
THE PRESIDENT IMPLORED TO SHOW HIS HAND.
Confedrit × Roads (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), }
February 29, 1866.
[1]
I notice, all over the North, the Democrisy is a firin guns,
and marchin after brass bands, and hirin halls for endorsin
Androo Johnson. Ez a sentinel on the watch-tower, I protest!
In the name uv suffrin Kentucky, uv wich State I am a adopted
citizen, I protest! In the name uv common sense and ordnary
politikle sagacity, I protest!
Androo Johnson may possibly be on the high road to Dimocrisy;
but, ez yet, what ashoorence hev we? Am I datin my
letters from “Post Orfis, Confedrit × Roads?” Hez there
bin, as yit, any well authenticated case uv the removal uv a
Ablishnist, and the apintment uv a constooshnel Democrat in
his stead? Not that I hev heard of. Per contra, the Ablishnists
— them ez wuz appinted by Linkin — are still holdin on,
ez calm ez a summer mornin, without any apparent fear uv any
change affectin them.
Who pays for the Halls? Who pays the music? Who pays
the Powder? Dimocrats who do these scent Post Offises in
the distance. Are they like the war hoss in Job's writins, who
smelled the battle afar off, and remarked Ha, Ha! to the trumpets?
Let me entreat sich that they kin make a better investment
uv their means. The cost uv one meetin, put in korn
whisky, wood not only solace theirselves, but start half a dozen
Ablishnists on the road to Dimocrisy.
Men is deceptive. I hev hopes uv Androo Johnson myself,
and principally becoz Vallandigum and Fernandy Wood hev
hopes. Them buzzards kin smell carrion a long distance, and
they are seldom at fault. In this case, they may be. They
base their hopes on Johnson's speech, at Washington, on the
22d. There may be suthin in it; but ain't it possible that the
stench wich they took for Dimocrisy, and wich they sposed
cum from Johnson, ariz from them ez surrounded him?
“But,” sez a Dimocrat, whose nose, from long continued lack
of supplies, hez softened down from a generous crimson to a
ghastly bloo, and who woodent hev a small post orfis at no
price, ef it wuznt offered him, “look at the class he spoke to.”
Wat noncence! Androo wuz mad. There wuz a mass uv
bile on his politikle stumick wich must be got rid uv. He had
sum nasty things to say, and it wuz a part uv the eternal fitness
uv things that he shood hev a nasty audience to say
em to.
I don't propose to go orf into spasms over the present situashun.
Johnson proposes to continue the Freedmen's Buro, and
hezn't no noshen of repealin the test oath, or uv drawin the
military out uv the Dimocratik States. So far as heard from,
we uv the South is still in a stait of abject cussitood. Our
habis corpuses wich Linkin took away from us heven't bin returned,
and we are obleeged to git along ez best we kin without
em. I knocked down a small nigger yisterday, for the
purpus uv assertin the sooperiority uv the Caucashun race
over the Afrikin, and wuz to-wunst hauled up afore a Freedmen's
Buro, and fined. Our high-toned and chivalrous members
are exclooded from Congris on the frivolus plea that they
wuz kernels and briggydeer Ginerals in the Confederit servis;
and all these outrages agin Dimocrisy Androo Johnson, by permittin,
absolootly approves.
I could probably swaller all these things. I am a Dimokrat
uv thirty years standin, and, uv course, hev bin on both sides
uv every politikle fence. The seat of my politikle pants is
full uv slivers. But. before I take down these things, I
WANT TO KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GIT FOR
IT. Ef Androo Johnson goes back on his party and his
pledges, he, uv course, asks us to go back on ourn. In sich
transactions, where both parties, by bein engaged in it at all,
confess themselves ruther a low grade of scoundrels, I think it
well enuff to hev the consideration paid down.
Ef Androo Johnson wants me, he knows the terms. I am
his to command, for a consideration; ez much so ez is the
thousands uv Demokrats who hev bin, for the past week, gittin
up demonstrations. But I want suthin to go on. When I hev
his permission, under the broad seel uv the Post Orfis Department,
to write “P. M.” after my illustrious name, I shell be
prepared to wade in. I hev bin huntin up several reasons for
supportin him. I hev em all ready. I only want this additional
one, and then I fling my banner to the breeze. Faith is
sed to be the sun of all religious systems. Post Offis is the
central figger in all Democratic creeds — the theme uv conversation
by day, and the staple uv dreems by night. How long!
oh, how long!
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
