120. CXX.
THE OCTOBER ELECTIONS. — MR. NASBY'S OPINION
ON THE CAUSE OF THE DEFEAT OF THE PRESIDENT.
Confedrit × Roads (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), }
October 14, 1866.
I wuz called in haste to Washington to be present at a Cabinet
meetin called to consider the causes uv the onparalleled
loosenin uv the Nashnel Union Johnson Dimekratic party in
the various States wich held elections on the 9th uv October
last. There wuz Seward, Wells, McCulloch, and Randall present;
but we missed Raymond and Beecher, they hevin, I
understand, played off onto us.
The President wuz gloomy. He hedn't anticipated the defeat.
He spected that, hevin showd hisself through all the
Northern States, ther ought to hev ben enthoosiasm enough
evolved to hev carried em without trouble. The fault, he remarked,
coodent be with his policy. Ther wuz suthin so grand,
so sublimely simple in it, that it wuz incomprehensible to him
why the people hedn't at once adopted it. “Why, look at it,”
sed he. “I offer the people uv the North peace, on the simple
condishn uv sayin nothin more about the war, or the mutual
trouble which they found theirselves into, and rushin into the
arms uv their Southern brethren, and takin uv em back jist ez
they went out. How, O! how cood they be so blind ez to
refoose these olive branches?”
Randall replied that he coodent understand it; but he hed
summoned a Postmaster to attend, wich he hed appinted on his
solemn asshoorance that he cood carry enough Republicans
over to our new party to defeat the Union member in that District,
wich he notist by the papers wuz elected by a larger
majority than he hed ever reseeved, and he wuz in waitin.
“Bring in the wretch!” shouted the President; and the
guard brung him in. A mizable lookin objick he wuz. Ez
soon ez he saw the stern eye uv the President fixed on him, he
sunk to his knees, and lifted up his hands implorinly, without
sayin a word.
“Speak!” sed the President. “Why the result in yoor
Deestrict?”
“My liege,” replied the wretched man, “I know not. Faithfully
I labored; but the people wood come into the halls a
holdin their noses, and set a holdin uv em so long ez I wuz
speekin, wich wuzn't conducive to displays of oratory. The
papers wood publish my own utterances six months before,
wich confused me somewhat; and the ablishnists would read
at me yoor speeches, wich I coodent account for. I seekoored
for yoo suthin like a dozen votes; but they wuz them ez stipulated
for places under me, and I hed hard work to git em from
the Union party, and they wuz sich ez did us more harm than
good. And besides —”
“Enuff!” sed Johnson. “Remove him.”
And the poor fellow wuz bundled out.
Secretary Welles knowd wat wuz the matter. It come uv
takin Grant and Farrygut along on the excursion. It distracted
the attention uv the people. Hed there bin nobody but the
President and the Cabinet along, there woodent hev bin nobody
else to hurrah for, and the sublime trooths, wich the President
kin only jerk, wood hev impressed the people more than
they did.
Seward wuz confident that the election wood hev bin all right
cood it hev bin postponed ninety days; while McCulloch attribooted
it to the limited knowledge the masses hed uv Injeany
bankin.
I wuz rekested to give my views, wich I did.
“My lords,” sed I, “none uv you hev got the ijee. We wuz
beat because we left the landmarks — that's wat ailed us, wuz
the anshent landmarks. Wat hed we to go into this canvass
with? Democrisy? Not any; for that wuz squelched at Philadelphia.
Wat then? Why, the offises. Offises, in the abstract,
is good. That little one which I hold in Kentucky I
coodent be indoost to part with on no account; but yoo can't
run a party on em, because there ain't enough uv em.
“My liege, on my return from the Philadelphia Convention I
tarried a while in Berks county, which is in Pennsylvania, and
is distinguished for the unanimity with which they vote Democracy.
They learned down there mor'n six weeks ago that the
war wuz over, and therefore yoo coodent stir em up on drafts.
Taxes they had got used to, and that didn't move em; and so
the speakers wuz emptyin school-houses by talkin uv the results
uv a glorious war, wich they all opposed, and praisin our mutual
friend Seward, wich they had alluz hated as a Ablishnist, and
hedn't heerd yet that he had jined the Demokracy. Wuz it
any wonder that we went under? Ther ain't but one thing
left to us, and that we strangely neglected. My liege, why
wuz not the Nigger made the central figger this year, ez before?
They is the capital uv the Democrisy, its refuge, its
tower of strength. I spoke in Berks county myself, following
one of them new-fangled Democrats, who hed set em all asleep
talkin stuff to em that they didn't understand. Mountin the
rostrum, I ejaculated, —
“Men and Brethren, do yoo want to marry a Nigger?”
“`No! no!' they answered, straightenin up to-wunst.
“`Do you want niggers for sons-in-law?'
“`No! no!'
“`Do you want laws to prevent you from marryin niggers?'
“`Yes! yes!'
“`Do you want to be marched up to the polls by those who
tell you how to vote, beside a nigger?'
“`No! no!'
“`Then vote the Demekratic ticket.' And they all replied,
—
“`We will! we will!' and they did. You see, your Exslency,
the Dimekratic mind isn't hefty enough to comprehend
them fine arguments ez to constitootinality, et setry; and when
a speaker deals in em, they suspect his Dimocrisy, and fight
shy uv him. But nigger they kin all understand. It's soothin
to the Dimekratic mind to be continyooally told that there is
somebody lower down in the skale. They desire a inferior
race, and therefore hev bin pullin the nigger down toward em
for years. Did yoo not notis whenever we went it on the nigger
we succeeded in awakenin an enthoosiasm, wich, when we
neglected him, or selected other issues, we failed to get?
“It's based upon philosophical trooths. The poorer and
meaner a man is, the more anxious he is to hev it understood
that there's somebody still poorer and meaner than him.
Hence, you notis, that them individooals who see a five cent
peese so seldom ez to not know its nacher, and who keep the
flag of distress wavin from the seat uv their pants, — who, ef
niggers wuz sellin at a cent a peese, coodent raise enough to
buy the toe nail uv one, — is the most ardent friends uv
Slavery.
“That pitiful man wich jest left the presence wuz not to
blame for the result in his Deestrick. He tried to earn his
bread; but wat cood he do? The Ablishnists knowd he wuz
bought with a price, and laffed at him. The Democrisy, sich
ez voted, we'd hev got anyhow. Them ez didn't vote, nor do
nothin, wuz the upper class, wich expected the offises themselves,
and wuz disgusted accordinly.
“My liege, I hev spoke. Yoo can't do nothin with a new
party; for yoo kin only git the Dimocrisy to jine it, and they
won't do it onless the offises is throwd in. Yoo can't run the
Dimocrisy on only one issue, and that's the nigger; for it's all
they kin understand. So long ez the nigger exists, Dimocrisy
endoors; when the race becomes extinct, the party dies. The
two is indissolubly bound together; one wuz created for tother,
and tother for one. When Noah cust Ham he laid the foundashens
uv Dimocrisy. Ham wuz turned into a nigger because
Noah got intoxicated. His misfortune originated with wine;
and whisky, wich is the modern substitoot therefor, bein the
motive power uv Dimocrisy, hez bin persekutin him ever since.
I attriboot the decline uv the Dimocrisy to the bleachin out uv
the Afrikin, and that's why I oppose amalgamashen. Yoo can't
hate a mulatter only half ez much ez yoo kin a full-blood; and
it will be observed that the intensity uv Demokricy has decreased
precisely in proportion to the scarcity uv pure blacks.
Thus Demokrisy is committin suicide; it hez bin the means uv
its own destruction.
“I don't know ez there's eny yoose uv talkin. The Congressmen
elected this fall continyoo in offis, my liege, jist precisely
ez long ez yoo do, to a day, and by that time they'll hev
it all fixed. Noo York may change in our favor, but I think
not. The break commenst in Maine, and it increased as it
progressed. We're gone in. The Ablishnist laughs in glee,
and the nigger shows all his ivories. We shel hold our places
two years, and then farewell to our greatness.
“I pity yoo, my lord; but I can't help yoo. Ez for myself, I
kin save enuff out uv my Post Offis to start a grocery at the
expiration uv my term, and then farewell politics. In that
pleasant callin I'll flote down the stream uv Time, until Death
closes the polls, and ends the struggle. I hev sed.”
The Conference ended with this: for they wuz all too much
affected to say anything. Seward murmured suthin about it
would be all rite in sixty days; that there wuz no denyin that
the people wuz happy; but no one paid any attention to him.
I went home, leavin em all in tears.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P. M.
(wich is Postmaster).
