University of Virginia Library

114. CXIV.
THE PRESIDENTIAL TOUR CONTINUED. — FROM
DETROIT TO INDIANAPOLIS.

I am at home, and glad am I that I am at home. Here in
Kentucky, surrounded by Dimicrats, immersed a part of the
time in my offishel dooties, and the balance uv the time in
whiskey, with the privilege uv wallopin niggers, and the more
inestimable and soothing privilege uv assistin in mobbin uv
Northern Ablishnists, who are not yet all out uv the State,
time passes pleasantly, and leaves no vain regrets. I alluz go
to bed at nite, feelin that the day hez not bin wasted.

From Detroit the Presidential cavalcade, or ez the infamous
Jacobin Radical party irrevelently term it, the menajery,
proceeded to Chicago. The recepshuns his Imperial Highniss
received through Michigan were flatterin in the extreme. I
continue my diary: —

Ipslanty. — At this pint the President displayed that originality
and fertility uv imaginashun karacteristic uv him. The
recepshun wuz grand. The masses called for Grant, and His
Highness promptly responded. He asked em, ef he wuz Judis
Iskariot who wuz the Saviour? Thad Stevens? If so, then
after swingin around the cirkle, and findin traitors at both
ends of the line, I leeve the thirty-six States with thirty-six
stars onto em in yoor hands, and —

The train wuz off amid loud shouts uv “Grant! Grant!” to
wich the President responded by wavin his hat.

Ann Arbor. — At this pint the train moved in to the inspiring
sounds uv a band playin “Hale to the Cheef.” Vocifrous
cries uv “Grant! Grant!” His Majesty smilinly appeared
and thanked em for the demonstration. It wuz soothin, he
remarked. The air their band wuz playin, “Hail to the Chief,”
wuz appropit, ez he wuz Chief Magistrate uv the nashen, to
wich posishen he hed reached, hevin bin Alderman uv his
native village, U. S. Senator, et settry. The crowd hollered

“Grant! Grant!” and the President thanked em for the
demonstration. It showed him that the people wuz with him
in his efforts to close his eyes on a Union uv thirty-six States
and a flag uv thirty-six stars onto it. Ef I am a traitor, sed he,
warmin up, who is the Judis Iscariot? Ez I'm swingin around
the cirkle, I find Thad Stevens on the one side and Jeff Davis
on the —

The conductor cruelly started the train, without givin him
time to finish. The crowd proposed three cheers for Grant,
and the President waved his hat to em, sayin that he thanked
em, showin as it did that the people wuz with him.

Battle Creek. — A large number was assembled here, who,
ez the train stopped, yelled “Grant! Grant!” Affected to
tears by the warmth uv the reception, the President thanked em
for this mark of confidence. Ef he ever hed any doubts ez to
the people's bein with him, these doubts wuz removed. He
wood leave in their hands the flag and the Union uv thirty-six
States, and the stars thereto appertainin. Ef he wuz a Joodis
Iskariot who wuz —

The crowd gave three hearty cheers for Grant ez the
train moved off, to wich the President responded by wavin
his hat.

Kalamazoo. — The offishels were on hand at this pint, and
so wuz the people — four offishels and several thousand people,
which the latter greeted us with cheers for Grant! Grant!
The President responded, sayin, that in swingin around the
cirkle, he hed bin called Joodis Iskariot for sacrificin uv hisself
for the people! Who wuz the Saviour? Wuz Thad
Stevens? No! Then cleerly into yoor hands I leave the
Constitution uv thirty-six stars with thirty-six States onto
em, intact and undissevered.

The offishels received the Stars and Stripes, and amid cheers
for Grant, for which the President thanked em, the train glode
off magestically.

And so on to Chicago, where we didn't git off our speech,
though from the manner in wich the people hollered Grant!
Grant! we felt cheered at realizin how much they wuz with
us. His eminence wanted to sling the thirty-six States and
the flag with the stars on em, but ez General Logan wuz

there, ready to fling it back, it wuz deemed highly prudent
not to do it.

[1] Here my trials commenst. At the Biddle House, in Detroit,
the nigger waiters showed how much a Afrikin kin be spiled
by bein free. They hed the impudence to refoose to wait on us,
and for a half hour the imperial stumick wuz forced to fast.
This alarmin manifestation uv negro malignancy alarmed His
Eggsalency. “Thank God!” sed he, “that I vetoed the Freedmen's
Buroo Bill. I hev bin Alderman uv my native town —
I hev swung around the entire cirkle, but this I never dreemed
uv. What would they do if they hed their rites? The incident
made an impression onto him, and at Chicago he resolved to
trust em no longer. He ordered his meals to his room, and sent
for me. “My friend,” sed he, “taste everything onto this table.”

“Why? my liege,” sed I.

“Niggers is cooks,” sed he, “and this food may be pizoned.
They hate me, for I ain't in the Moses bizness. Taste, my
friend.”

“But spozn,” sed I, “that it shood be pizoned? Wat uv my
bowels? My stumick is uv ez much valyoo to me ez yourn is
to yoo.”

“Nasby,” sed he, “taste! Ef yoo die, who mourns? Ef I
die, who'd swing around the cirkle? Who'd sling the flag and
the thirty-six stars at the people, who'd leave the Constooshn
in their hands? The country demands the sacrifice; and
besides, ef yoo don't, off goes yoor offishl head.”

That last appele fetched me. Ruther than risk that offis I'd
chaw striknine, for uv what akkount is a Dimokrat, who hez
wunst tasted the sweets uv place, and is ousted? And from
Chicago on I wuz forced to taste his food and likker — to act
ez a sort uv a litenin-rod to shed off the vengeance uv the
nigger waiters. I wood taste uv every dish and drink from
each bottle, and ef I didn't swell up and bust in fifteen minits

His serene Highness wood take hold. I suffered several
deaths. I resoom my diary: —

Joliet. — The crowd wuz immense. The peasantry, ez the
train approached, rent the air with shouts uv “Grant!”
“Grant!” His Potency, the President, promptly acknowledged
the compliment. He wuz sacrificin hisself for them —
who hed made greater sacrifices? He hed bin Alderman uv
his native town, and Vice-President; he wuz too modest to
make a speech, but ef he wuz Joodas Iskariot, who wuz the
Saviour? He hed swung around the cirkle, and hedn't found
none so far. He left in their hands the —

And so on, until near St. Louis, when we penetrated a Dimocratic
country, uv wich I informed his Majesty. “How
knowest thou?” sez he. “I observe,” sez I, “in the crowds a
large proportion uv red noses, and hats with the tops off. I
notice the houses unpainted, with pig pens in front ov em;
and what is more, I observe that crowds compliment yoo direct,
instead of doin it, ez heretofore, over Grant's shoulders. The
Knights uv the Golden Cirkle, wich I spect is the identical
cirkle yoo've bin swingin around lately, love yoo and approach
yoo confidently.”

The President brisked up, and from this to Indianapolis he
spoke with a flooidity I never observed in him before. I may
say, to yoose a medikle term, that he had a hemorrhage uv
words. At the latter city our reception was the most flatrin
uv eny we hev experienced. The people, when the President
appeared on the balcony uv the Bates House, yelled so vociferously
for Grant, that the President, when he stepped forward
to acknowledge the compliment, coodent be heard at all. He
waved his hat; and the more he waved it the more complimentary
the crowd became. “Grant!” “Grant!” they yelled;
and the more the President showed himself the more they yelled
Grant, until, overpowered by the warmth uv the recepshun,
and unwilling to expose his health, the President retired without
slingin a speech at em, but entirely satisfied that the people
wuz with him.

The next mornin the office-holders uv the State, without the
people, assembled, and he made his regler speech to em, wich
appeared to be gratifyin to both him and them. The President

does not like to sleep with a undelivered speech on his mental
stumick. It gives him the nitemare.

Here I left the party, for a short time, that I mite go home
and attend to my official dooties. There is five Northern
families near the Corners wich must hev notice to leave, and
eight niggers to hang. I hed orders to report to the party
somewhere between Looisville and Harrisburgh, wich I shall
do, ez, travelin by order, I get mileage and sich.