18. XVIII.
ORGANIZES A DEMOCRATIC CHURCH.
Wingert's Corners, Ohio, }
June the 6th, 1863.
[1]
Nuthin hez dun so much agin the Dimokrasy ez churches,
skool-houses, Sundy skools, preachers, and sich. Here, our
people hev awoken to the dangerous tendencies uv sich instooshns,
and hev set about viggerously to suppress em. Ez
this work is wat my hart delites in, I organized the pious portion
uv the Dimokrasy, that we mite do our work well and
thorough. When my gigantic intellek hez a chance, the work
is shoor to be well done, and I hev the satisfaction uv announcin
the complete destruction uv two churches, the drivin
off uv five preachers, and the frightnin uv many wimin.
But my mission is not alone to tear down — I bild up. The
ijee segestid itself to my fertile mind, that a strikly Dimekratik
church and Sundy skool wood not only help the cause, but
afford me an easy livin.
It wuz dun, and I am reglarly installed ez the paster uv the
First Dimekratik Church uv Ohio.
The follerin is the order uv exercises: —
1. People assemble at the second tootin uv the horn.
2. Readin uv one uv the follerin passages uv Skripter:
9th chapter uv Gennysis, wich relates the cussin uv Canaan,
provin that niggers is skriptoorally slaves; and the chapters
about Hayger and Onesimus, wich proves the Fugitive-slave
Law to be skriptooral. (The rest uv the Bible we consider
figgerative, and pay no attenshun to it watever.)
3. Singin — “O, we'll hang Abe Linkin on a sour apple-tree,”
or some other improvin ode, hevin a good moral.
4. Readin extrax from the Noo York Argus.
5. Singin — “O, John Brown's body hangs a danglin in
the air.”
6. Lecture on watever phase uv the nigger question may
seem appropriate.
We hev also organized a Sundy skool on a pure basis. I
spent much time in gettin up a katekizm, uv wich the follerin
is a sample: —
Q. Wat is the cheef end uv man?
A. To whale niggers and vote the Dimekratik tickit
forever.
Q. Wat do the Skripters teach?
A. That a angel sent Hayger back to her mistress; that Paul
sent Onesimus back; and “Servance, obey yoor masters.”
Q. Who wuz Onesimus and Hayger?
A. Onesimus wuz a mulatter, and Hayger a octoroon.
Q. Wat is sin?
A. Skratchin a ticket.
Q. Who compose the Dimekratik trinity?
A. Vallandigum, Brite, and Fernandywood.
Q. Wat is the first duty uv man?
A. To beware uv Ablishn lies; to rally to the poles; to vote
early; and to bring in the agid, the infirm, and the ideotik.
To stimoolate the infant mind, I hev institootid a system uv
rewards, ez follows:
For commitin two verses uv Vallandigum's address, one
check for beer, good at the Corners; five verses, two checks;
twelve verses, four checks; and to the child hevin the most
verses, a copper-mounted butternut pin.
We hed a festival yesterday. The tables wuz bounteously
spred with bolony, liver-worst, and crackers, wile a barl uv
native whisky furnisht the flooids nessary. It wuz a tetchin
site to see the mothers, with maternal solissitood, a mixin
nacher's great restorer with water and sorgum surup, to adapt
it to the infantile stumick. For my part, I alluz take mine
strait.
I bleeve good will be accomplisht. Last week, in makin a
[ILLUSTRATION]
"CHURCH OF ST. VALLANDINGUM." P. V. NASBY, PASTOR, AND HIS FLOCK. Page 71.
[Description: 635EAF. Illustration page. An angry looking man at a pulpit with his fist raised; several men sit in the pews beneath him.]
pastoral visit, jest about noon, to the house uv wun uv my
flock, who hez fine poultry, I wuz amoosed at heerin a meer
infant, only three years uv old, swinging his little hat, and cry,
“Hooraw for Jeff Davis.” It wuz tetchin. Pattin the little
patriot on the head, I instantly borrowd five cents uv his
father to present to him.
