13. XIII.
CONVERSES WITH A SOUTHERN SOLDIER.
Camp uv the Looisiana Pelicans, }
December the 11th, 1862.
I hed a conversashen tother day with a fellow-defender uv
the rites uv the South, wich ruther startled me. I wuz a
holdin forth, with my yoosual ability, on the blessidnis uv
slavery, and wuz, uv coarse, quotin hevy from skripter to
defend my position. A member uv our company interruptid
me by remarkin that nacher hed spiled a great rascal in me by
not contributin a suffishent amount uv brains. He continued
his remarks:
“Nasby,” says he, “I know slavery is a cuss — a onmittygated
cuss. I hed 18 niggers, and they kept me as poor as a
skim-milk cheese. The hogs eat the corn, the niggers eat the
hogs, and I lived on what they left. To defend my property
in these niggers, we seceshed and startid a new guvment.
The new guvment took the corn, the hogs, the niggers, and
finally took me. My oldest dawter run off with wun defender
uv the flag, my wife with another, and my youngest childern
is livin with sum niggers to old for the guverment to take.
I've had my share uv rites, I hev. Ef there's any more comin
to me, give em to some poor person as needs em. I'm jest
more'n rollin in a perfooshn uv that kind uv wealth.”
“But,” sez I —
“Ther aint no buts,” sez he. “Yoo're a Northern man, and
don't hev niggers. Don't defend nigger. Ef I hev the itch,
I may sware that itch is a good thing; but wat sense is ther
in yoor swarin it, onasked and for nothin. Sech stratejy
borders closely on lunacy. Let us squeeze our own biles —
don't yoo do it gratooitous. Appolygize for your own sins —
don't shoulder ourn. I may be mean for my own profit, but
to act dirty for another man's use, and hev him kick ye for
doin it, is a lick ahead uv my comprehenshun. Durn all
sich men.”
And he stawkt indignantly away.
I hev reseevd more letters from frends in my wunst happy
but now distractid home than I kin anser separately. I shel
do it all to-wunst, thus:
John M. — Shoemakin wood be a splendid biznis here, only
ther aint no leather. Practice half-solin with straw before
yoo start.
W. G. — The pay uv a member uv the Mississippi Legislater
is $6 per diem, evry day, paid in Confedrit 30 per cent. bonds,
redeemable at the pleasure uv the guverment any time within
two centuries. Come along. Almost anybody kin git offis in
this state.
P. N. — Ther is a good openin for a watchmaker here. I
am the only mechanic in this section uv Mississippy. I fixt
the kernel's watch yisterday; forged a mane-spring out uv a
baynet, and for a chane used a fiddle-string. It don't jest
keep time, but ez it ticks, it ansers to bet on poker with.
Fetch sum lard ile; tar won't work on watches, even in this
warm climate.
Amos. — The success uv our goverment is shoor. Finances
hez troubled us, but our Sekretary uv the Treasury hez bought
two fast printin-presses and a lot uv paper on tick, and we
now git all we want.
