154. CLIV.
MR. NASBY REGULATES A SCHOOL.
Post Offis, Confedrit × Roads }
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
November 25, 1867.
[1]
When the Almighty made niggers, he ought to have made
em so that mixin with the sooperior race would have been an
impossibility. I rite these lines, propped up in bed at my
boardin house, my face beaten to a jelly, and pefeckly kivered
with stickin plaster; my nose, alluz the beauty and glory uv
my face, is enlarged to twict it fair proporshens; my few
remainin teeth hev bin knockt down my throat, my lips resemble
sausages, my left ear is forever no more, and wat little hair
wuz a hangin about my venerable temples is gone, my head is
ez bald as a billyard ball, and twict its normal size. It come
about thus: —
There was trouble in one of the Southern counties uv Ohio.
In a reliably Democratic township in that county is a settlement
uv niggers, who, in the old time, ran away from Kentucky,
and settled there where they could hev wat they earned, wich
was jest so much swindled out uv Kentucky. Uv course
comin from Kentucky, these niggers are, many uv em, ez near
white ez they can be. One uv em who carried with him the
name uv his master, and, ez he says, father
Lett, is ez near a
white man ez may be, and ez he married a wench who wuz a
shade whiter than he, their children are jist a touch whiter
than both uv em. Uv these he hed three daughters, rangin
from sixteen to twenty.
Now this Lett is a disturber. He hed a farm uv perhaps
200 akers, and wuz taxed heavy for skool purposes, but his children
wuzn't uv course allowed to attend the skool. None uv
the nigger children were. But Lett got the ijee into his hed
that there wuzn't no propriety in his payin taxes without enjoyin
the benefits arizin from em, and aided and abetted by
other niggers, who were wicked enough to complain uv payin
taxes to the support uv white skools, he sent his daughters to
the skool, directin them to present theirselves boldly, take their
seats quietly, and study perseverinly. They did so, the skool-marm,
who wuz a young huzzy, with black eyes and nateral
curls, from Noo Hampsheer, where they persekoot the saints,
not only assented to recevin em, but gave em seats and put em
into classes — think uv that — with white children.
There wuz trouble in that township. I wuz sent for to-wunst,
and gladly I come. I wuz never so gratified in my life. Had
smallpox broken out in that skool, there woodent hev bin half
the eggscitement in the township. It wuz the subjick uv
yooniversal talk everywhere, and the Democrisy wuz a bilin
like a pot. I met the trustees uv the township, and demanded
ef they intended tamely to submit to this outrage? I askt em
whether they intended to hev their children set side by side
with the decendants uv Ham, who wuz condemned to a posishen
uv inferiority forever? Kin you, I asked, so degrade
yourselves, and so blast the self-respeck uv yoor children?
And bilin up with indignashen, they answered “never!”
and yoonanimously requested me to accompany em to the skool-house,
that they mite peremptory expel these disgustin beins
who hed obtrooded themselves among those uv a sooperior
race.
On the way to the skoolhouse, wich wuz perhaps a mile distant,
I askt the Board ef they knowed those girls by site. No,
they replied, they hed never seed em. “I hev bin told,” sed
I, “that they are nearly white.”
“They are,” sed one uv em, “quite white.” “It matters
not,” sed I, feelin that there wuz a good opportoonity for
improvin the occashen, “it matters not. There is suthin in the
nigger at wich the instink uv the white man absolootly rebels,
and from wich it instinktively recoils. So much experience
hev I had with em, that put me in a dark room with one uv
em, no matter how little nigger there is in em, and that unerrin
instink wood betray em to me, wich, by the way, goes to prove
that the dislike we hev to em is not the result uv prejudis, but
is a part uv our very nacher, and one uv its highest and
holiest attriboots.”
Thus communin, we entered the skoolhouse. The skool-marm
wuz there, ez brite and ez crisp ez a Janooary mornin;
the skolers wuz ranged on the seets a studyin ez rapidly ez
possible.
“Miss,” sed I, “we are informed that three nigger wenches,
daughters of one Lett, a nigger, is in this skool, a minglin with
our daughters ez a ekal. Is it so?”
“The Misses Lett are in this skool,” sed she, ruther mischeeviously,
“and I am happy to state that they are among my
best pupils.”
“Miss,” sed I sternly, “pint em out to us!”
“Wherefore?” sed she.
“That we may bundle em out!” sed I.
“Bless me!” sed she, “I reely coodent do that. Why
expel em?”
“Becoz,” sed I, “no nigger shel contaminate the white children
uv this deestrick. No sech disgrace shel be put on
to em.”
“Well,” sed this aggravatin skoolmarm, wich wuz from Noo
Hamshire, “yoo put em out.”
“But show me wich they are.”
“Can't yoo detect em, sir? Don't their color betray em?
Ef they are so neer white that you can't select em at a glance,
it strikes me that it can't hurt very much to let em stay.”
I wuz sorely puzzled. There wuzn't a girl in the room who
looked at all niggery. But my reputashun wuz at stake.
Noticin three girls settin together who wuz somewat dark
complectid, and whose black hair waved, I went for em and
shoved em out, the cussid skoolmarm almost bustin with
lafter.
Here the tragedy okkerred. At the door I met a man who
rode four miles in his zeal to assist us. He hed alluz hed an
itchin to pitch into a nigger, and ez he cood do it now safely
he proposed not to lose the chance. I wuz a puttin on em
out, and hed jist dragged em to the door, when I met him
enterin it.
“Wat is this?” sed he, with a surprised look.
“We're puttin out these cussed wenches, who is contaminatin
yoor children and mine,” sed I. “Ketch hold uv that pekoolyerly
disgustin one yonder,” sed I.
“Wenches! You d—d skoundrel, them girls are my
girls!”
And without waitin for an explanashen, the infooriated
monster sailed into me, the skoolmarm layin over on one uv the
benches explodin in peels uv lafter. The three girls, indignant
at bein mistook for nigger wenches, assisted their parent,
and between em, in about four minutes I wuz insensible. One
uv the trustees, pityin my woes, took me to the neerest railroad
stashen, and somehow, how I know not, I got home, where
I am at present recooperatin.
I hev only to say that when I go on sich a trip again, I shel
require as condishen precedent that the Afrikins to be put out
shel hev enuff Afrikin into em to prevent sich mistakes. But,
good Lord, wat hevent I suffered in this cause?
Petroleum V. Nasby, P. M.
(wich is Postmaster).
