41. XLI.
AGAIN REPUDIATES M'CLELLAN, AND GIVES REASONS
THEREFOR.
Church uv the Noo Dispensashun, }
February the 29th, 1864.
The ijeotic ijee uv nominatin Micklellan apperes to be gainin
ground among the Dimokrasy. Whenever a party gits a goin
down hill, it seems ez ef double-distilled loonacy invariably
takes holt uv the engineers, instid uv the cool, calm wisdom
nessary to histe it back into ascendency.
I object to the nominashen uv Micklellan for these reasons:
1st. We can't win with him. Who's a goin to vote for him?
The old hard-headed peace man, who objeks to drafts, won't,
becoz, wile he wuz in command he laid, in the swamps uv the
Chickhominy, the foundashen for a purty heavy draft; besides,
he is still drawin pay ez a ginral in this unholy croosade.
The War Dimekrats won't, coz, ez a orfiser operatin agin the
South, he wuz not eggsactly a Napoleon. Indeed, a aggreeved
frend uv mine from Georgy likend him unto a kickin
shot-gun — dangerous only to them ez held it. He hasn't the
elements uv success in him, ez I kin see. He wuzn't born uv
poor but honest parence; he never druv horses on the canal;
he dident study rithmetic by the fire in a log-cabin; neether
did he walk barefoot, in the dead uv winter, thirteen miles, to
beg a Congressman to git him into West Pint. There's no
precedent for his nominashen. My second reason is:
2d. Ef electid, he woodent be uv any yoose to me and sich
ez I am.
Let any Dimekrat who hez bin waitin for offis four weary
yeres, look at this. Who is his frends — his neerest? Wy,
Fitsjon Porter and that clan. I waz a thinkin uv it over, and
I bleev it'll do ez a rool, that the court-marsheld and dismist
orfisers are all Micklellan men; and, wen I kum to think uv it,
I never knew a deserter that wuzn't. Uv course he'd hev to
pervide for em, and wher'd be our chance? Wy, ther's enuff
uv these to fill all the orfises, from Secertary uv State down to
the umblest post-orifis.
Agin: Spose that, ez soon ez he's electid, he shood conclood
not to hev peace, and shood undertake to finish the war hisself.
It wood be jest like him, coz he reely hez a ijee that he's a
gineral. Then the sponsibility uv his doins wood rest with
the Dimokrasy, wich Hevin forbid. To think uv us bein sponsible
for a Peninsooler campane! Uv course, the Dimokrasy
wood then hev to volunteer. Think uv his leavin a hundred
and twenty thousend ded Dimekrats atwixt Washinton and
Richmond! He wuz all well enuff wen the men to be left
with ther toes up wuz Ablishnists. It wood be sooiside on an
onparalleld scale to trust him with that many Dimekrats.
Agin I say, Heavin forbid!
We want a peace man. There's no room for us anywheres
else; neether kin we face two ways. I wunst attendid a cirkus,
and beheld with astonishment the trooly grate feets uv
hossmanship and sich. Wun rider, who wuz also the moral
and instructive injy-rubber man, wuz intoxicatid, and conseetid
he cood ride two hosses, each goin a diffrent way. Tyin his
feet to the spiritid steeds, he startid em; but, alars! in a second
he wuz ript in two pieces, and the arena wuz drencht
with his goar. Let us take warnin by his sad fate. Our hoss
is not a war-hoss — his naim is Peace, and we must hev a man
upon whose garments ther is no smell uv blood. The gentle
Brite, the grate Vallandigum, the akoot Fernandywood, the
elegant Samcox, any wun uv that pecoolyer stripe will do us,
and give us ground to go on.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
