144. CXLIV.
THE BOSTON EXCURSION.
Tremont House, Boston }
(wich is in the Stait uv Massachoosets),
June 25, 1867.
[1]
The Raleigh trip scarcely over, His Serene Highness determined
upon acceptin the Boston invitashen. His corjel recepshen
in North Karliny give him a sort uv appetite for popler
applause, and he determined upon tryin it in the North agin.
At the Cabinet meetin held to discuss the question, Seward
expressed a desire to go. Welles follered Seward; but Randall
opposed it.
“But,” sed Johnson, “I feel ez though I must make one
more effort to save our errin Southren brethren.”
“Mr. President,” retortid Randall, “I recently went to raise
a corner-stun to the memry uv yoor lamentid father, who
deceest in 1812, onto wich wuz engraved these words: —
`Jacob Johnson: died from the Effex uv a Disease superindoost
by a over Effort to save his Friends from drownin.'
“Now, ef yoo persist in yoor loonacy, I shel be compelled,
after a time, in my quiet Wisconsin home, where an appreciative
constitooency will permit me to forever stay, to indite an
epitaff for the corner-stun over your politikle grave, wich I
shel do thus: —
`Hic jacet Andrew Johnson,
Who died from the Effex uv a Disease superindoost by over
Effort in a great many Attempts to save his Politikle Friends
from bein strangled.
`Po kript. — The Friends wuzn't wuth the savin.'
“But upon sekond thot I've no objeckshun to this toor.
Yoo kin do us no damage ef yoo deliver only sich speeches ez
we determine upon beforehand. Yoo go thro Delaware,
which is ourn; Noo Jersey yoo've bin thro wunst, and they
know wat to expect; Noo York will give a enthoosiastic recepshun
ef Morrisy and Wood will take holt uv it, and in Connecticut
yoor certain uv a corjel resepshen. That State is full
uv demoralized Yankee Dimocrats, who hev bin out to Michigan,
and left there all ther Puritanism, bringin back with em,
in its stead, all the cussidnis indigenous to that soil, wich
cussidness, grafted onto ther natral cutenis, makes em rather
enterprisin in ther worthlisnis. In Boston itself, the prospeck
is good. There'll be a immense crowd present to dedicate the
Masonik Temple, wich we shell claim the credit uv bringin, ez
we did the throngs which come to see us on the toor North,
but wich wood persist in hollerin `Grant!' The trooly good
men uv Boston are Ablishnists; but there's some thousands
wich want offices, and them, with a sprinklin uv Demokrats
and Conservatives, ought to make us a handsome recepshen.
There is yet men in Boston who used to return fugitive slaves,
and ther is besides the eminently respectable gentlemen who
are so conservative that they hold onto sin becoz it's old and
established by precedent, and so aristocratic that they won't do
right, jist becoz doin rite is a common thing in that seckshun;
who hold onto the cote-tale uv progress, and holler `Stop!'
and who, ef they tie theirselves to a good cause, load it down
with their dignity. Like the 2d Lootenants uv '61, their
baggage is worth more'n they are. But the trip won't hurt us.
You can't make the Ablishnists more Ablishn, and them ez
foller us for the loaves and fishes we dispense, wood still foller
us, ef the road we took led ez strate through perdishen ez a
pigeon wood fly. It may be that it's the method by wich we
shel finally carry Noo England. Pope sez, —
`Vice is a monster uv such hidjus mien,
That to be hated needs but to be seen.'
“Now, ef we follered the poet no further, we shood never
go, but each one wood keep ez close in his respective apartment
ez possible. But, knowin mankind, he goes on: —
`But seen too oft, familiar with its face,
We first endoor, then pity, then embrace.'
“That's it. We must be seen too oft. We must make em
familiar with our face. Ef we stay long enuff, I don't despair
uv seein Boston give yoo an ovashen, and seein yoo locked
in the arms uv Wendell Phillips. Ef they commence pityin
you, the reackshen will take them to the embracin, and it seems
ez though they ought to be at that pint by this time. And
then ef yoo make this toor, and say nothing ideotik, the very
novelty uv it will bewilder the people.”
And so it wuz decided to go. Thro Maryland the resepshens
wuz all that we desired, and in Delaware the people
come in crowds to greet us; tho the cheers partook so much
uv the nacher uv the cheerful yells wich the Confedrit soljers
employed when they charged, that Sekretary Seward's nerves
wuz somewhat shockt. Ez Philadelphy didn't offer us the
hospitalities uv the city, we didn't stop ther at all. The trane
run around it, the President's nose bein elevatid all the time
ez tho he smelt suthin. When it hed finally passed, Mr. Randall
announst the fact, and the Presidenshel face assoomed its
yoosual benine expression ez we glided into the sacred soil uv
Noo Jersey.
In Noo York, Morrissy hed done his part. Ther wuz spectable
bodies uv cheerers at the pints agreed upon, and, ez they
hed bin paid librally, the spontaneous enthoosiasm wuz ez
good in quality ez it wuz large in quantity. Occasionally a
cheerer, wich hed taken too much uv his wages in advance,
wood yell for Jeff'son Davis, but it wuzn't notist. It didn't
mar the pleasant uniformity uv the proceedins, or strike anybody
ez bein singler. They tried terrible hard to git a speech
out uv us, and the President wuz willin; but Randall, seein
reporters present, supprest him, and got him off to bed comparatively
sober, and very early.
Arrivin at Boston, I wuz surprized at the length, depth, and
breadth uv the enthoosiasm wich greeted us. Ez ef to show
ther greef at the death uv Presidents, we notist everywhere
the portraits of our predecessor, Linkin, draped in mournin, at
wich the President dropt a teer, sayin, “See how they mourn
us wen we're everlastinly gone!” Ther wuz a sort uv subdood
enthoosiasm, a kind uv half-mournin gladnis, ef I may say so,
wich wuz gratifyin.
We wuz receeved by Gov'nor Bullock, whose speeeh wuz a
noble triboot to the President. “I welcome yoo,” sed he, “to
Massachoosits. Many Presidents hev visited Noo England, and
this visit, like theirn, excites devoshen to the Yoonion, and
respeck for them, wich, in their offishel posishen, respeck the
government uv the whole country. Our desire is to manifest
our regard for those who, in offishel capacity, respeck the
Nashnel Yoonion, wich is to say, we respeck the Nashnel
Yoonion. I trust the President will stay long enuff to enable
us to manifest our high regard for — (here the President's face
brightened up) YOOR OFFIS! (the President turned frightfully
red, wich Bullock, whose principles wuz a rasslin a back holt
with his politeness, notist, and he added) — AND TO YOO
PERSONALLY!”
Ez them last words ishood slowly and despritly, the President's
face lighted up. He tendered him thanks for the
resepshun. He woodent undertake to conceel emoshens which
agitated him at this personel welcome upon the soil uv Massachoosits.
It wuzn't necessary for him to go into the histry
uv Massachoosets ez he wuz in the habit uv doin further
South, ez those afore him wuz probably ez familyer with it ez
he wuz; but he wood ashoor em, for their encouragement, that
the histry uv Massachoosits, in conneckshn with the histry uv
these States, hez become a part uv the histry uv the country;
and therefore, in visitin Massachoosits under sich pekoolyer
circumstances, it is pekoolyerly gratifyin to receeve sich a
welcome. In regard to yoor remarks tetchin the preservashen
uv these States, I trust I may say without egotism, a vice
wich I hev never bin accused uv, and from wich I may say no
one is more singlerly free than myself, I yield to no patriot,
livin or dead, in my devoshen, to that purpose. I dislike
speekin, ez I kin trooly say that I am not loquashus; but when
trooth, wich I love, and the cause uv humanity, wich I tie to,
is at stake, I hev spoke. I may say, without egotism, that I
live for principle; and I thank the people uv Massachoosits,
wich my visit hez drawd to Boston, for the outburst uv regard
wich greets me. Without egotism I may say, that it's a outburst
ekalled by few and excelled by none ever given a President
in the Yoonited States or elsewhere; and it is my prayer
that comin in contact with me will do the people uv Boston
good. Yoor remarks, not referrin directly to me, on the
Rooshn purchis, and a more economical collecshin uv the
internal revenue, also meets my corjel approbashen, lovin ez
I do my common country.”
Randall pulled at his coat-tale, when the President remarkt
that he might say, without egotism, that he didn't desire to
make a speech, and stopt. We brought him off in comparatively
good order.
We stopt at the Tremont House. It is a good hotel, and the
waiters are, ez they ought to be, niggers. It's soothin to a troo
Dimekrat to be waited on by a nigger. You kin damn a nigger
waiter, but put a white man in that posishen and yoo feel a
delicacy about it. When we retired, the President insisted
that I shood sleep lyin across the doorway uv his room.
“Why?” asked I.
“I am in Boston,” replied he, “wher they stun the prophets.
Boston dislikes me. Boston wears to-day a smilin face; but
wat kind uv a hart does that smilin face conceal? Sumner
lives in Boston, and so does Phillips. In Boston they elect
niggers to the Legislacher, and are tryin to stop the sale uv
whiskey. Wat kind uv a place is that for a Dimekratic President
to trust hisself into? Yoo sleep across my doorway, and
ef a band uv Ablishnists, deemin me their foe, shood strive to
enter, they wood hev to first sheath their daggers in yoor
body. Meanwhile I wood escape, and continyoo to live for my
lovd country. Yoo cood, by preparin beforehand a few impressive
last words, make a gorjus death uv it, and do the coz
good. For instance, ez Sumner stuck yoo, yoo cood gasp,
“Slay me, but spare A. J., the hope uv the Republic.” Or, ez
Wilson struck yoo down with a bludgeon, yoo mite exclaim,
“I die willinly for the Constitooshen with 36 stars onto it.”
Any little quotashen from any uv my speeches, joodiciously
throwd in under sich circumstances, wood do good. Yoo will
sleep ther to-night; and remember, in case you are called upon
to die, the proper quotashens.”
Seward concurred, but Randall objectid. He didn't anticipate
any sich danger. Ef Boston wants to git rid uv the
President, they hev a shorter way than assassinashen. Rash
politishuns only assassinate them wich they can't find cause
to impeach. But he wuzn't afraid uv Boston. We stood a
better chance uv dying of excessive hospitality in Boston than
uv bein stabbed. Our stumicks mite protrude in Boston, but
our bowels never. Boston wood feast us, for ther are enuff
men in Boston who want posishsn to keep us a goin a year or
two. He feared dyspepsia more than daggers, and hed no
fears uv the wine bein pizened.
Nevertheless, I wuz forced to sleep in that posishen, wich I
did, wakin up in the mornin ez sore and stiff ez a plow-hoss.
I don't know how far the trip will be extended.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P. M.
(wich is Postmaster), and Professor.
