University of Virginia Library

140. CXL.
MR. NASBY PREACHES A SERMON, THE EFFECT OF
WHICH IS DESTROYED BY NORTHERN PAPERS.

We are in trouble down here with these cussid niggers.
They are harder to manage than pigs. Pigs don't express ther
pecoolyarities. Mules come nearer. Ther is sich a method in
their obstinacy — sich a wilful cussidnis, that I reely hev made
up my mind that I don't understand em at all. They cuddle
up to us ez kind ez a bloomin maiden does to her first adored,
and they fling us just ez natral ez that same guileless maiden
does when number two heaves in site. They behave well for
a season, aperrently for no other purpose than to enjoy our
discomfiture when they finally throw us. I hev bin a gittin a
suspishen thro me that they ain't half ez stoopid ez they look;
and that, after all, we are not fur from the trooth when we say,
in our resolooshens, that they are the ekals uv the whites.
Why shoodn't they be? Why shoodent the nigger boy, wich
is now crossin the street, wich hez Deekin Pogram's feechers

ez like ez a photograff, hev ez much sense ez the Deekin? I
hev egsamined into the pedigree uv that nigger, and I find
that his mother hed the hawtiest blood uv Virginny coursin
toomulchusly thro her veins — and that stock the Pogram mix
coodent materially depreciate in one generashen.

I hed the niggers uv the × Roads handsomely in tow up to
yisterday. I hed em attendin services last Sunday at the
meetin-house, and by private arrangement hed em seated
miscellaneously among the awjence. Dekin Pogram hed a
wench, wich weighed at least 250 pounds averdupoise, atween
him and his wife, while four other niggers ornamentid his pew.
Bascom, with alacrity, consented to three; and Elder Gavitt
provided seats for four. It wuz a pleasant site! White and
black wuz alternatid like the spots on a checker-board — niggers
and whites wuz spread out together like the fat and lean
in pork; and ez I seed it I cood hardly restrane my emoshens.
There before me wuz the regenerashun uv the Democratic
party — there wuz wat wuz to bring us out uv the valley and
shadder uv death into wich we hed fallen, up on the high
ground uv offishel life. I preached that day from two texts,
to wit: “Uv one blood did he make all the nashens uv the
earth,” and “All ye are brethren.” I demonstrated with great
fervor the loonacy uv the idea that the Almighty wood take
the trouble to create two or more races when one wood do ez
well — wich idea is alluz well receeved in this region. All
men form their idea uv the Deity from themselves; and I
never knowd a Confedrit Cross Roader to make two things
when one wood anser. I refuted the theory, that there wuz
more than one head to the race, by quotin the texts wich
treated uv the creashen uv Adam and Eve, and demolished
the Ham doctrine at site. “Ef,” sed I, “Noer did cuss Ham,
and condemn Canaan to be a servant unto his brethren, how
do we know that our colored brethren and sistren is the
desendants uv Ham and Canaan? It may be us for all we
know! Is it his color? Is not black jest ez convenient a
color ez white?”

“More so,” murmured Mrs. Pogram, half asleep, “more so
— it don't show dirt.”

“Is it his shape? O, my brethren, I ain't a handsome man,

nor wood I exactly anser for a model for Apoller. Ef beauty,
or comeliness, or shape, is to decide the pint, the Lord help
us! Is it his smell? The New York World asserts that the
nigger hain't no smell, and ef he hez, why shoodent he hev?
Standin under the common flag uv our country, with his hand
upon that magna charta, the Deklarashen, and his beamin eye
turned exultinly toward our nashnel emblem, the eagle, shall
not our Afrikin brother be allowed to smell jist ez he chooses?
Ef smell must be uniform, then let our Government establish a
Burow uv Perfoomery to-wunst. I take high religious grounds
in this matter. Ef he hez a natural odor, the Lord give it to
him. Let us not fly in the face uv the Lord by condemin it.
Judge not, lest we be judged. The odor uv the colored gentleman
or lady is the work uv the Lord — the odor uv yoor
unwashed feet is yoor own — wich shood stand the highest?

“I acknowledge that I hev not long held these views. I
hev shared the common prejudis, and hev contemned our
friends uv color; I hev despitefully used 'em; I hev gone for
'em, and banged 'em like old boots. But it wuz becoz I didn't
know 'em. I didn't see the kernel of meat under the rough
shell: I didn't recognize the glitrin diamond in the ebony coal.
My eyes hev bin opened. Like Saul of Tarsus, I see a lite.
Sence the passage uv the Military Bill I hev diskivered many
things. I hev mostly found out all these things sence that
occurrence. Let us accept the situashen, and bless the Lord
that it hez resultid in developin excellences where we didn't
expect to find 'em.”

There wuz an affectin scene after service wuz over. Deekin
Pogram, Captain McPelter, and Elder Gavitt shook hands with
em with a degree uv corjality I didn't expect. They develop
a degree uv adaptability to circumstances wich I didn't look
for. I really bleeve if I'd a told em that it wood hev a good
effeck to kiss the nigger babies all round, that they'd a done it.
But I spared em this. There is such a thing ez laying it on
too thick.

But all this wuz spiled the next day. There wuz a heavy
mail that day. In addition to the paper wich Pollock, the
Illinois storekeeper, takes, ther wuz eight others; and to my
surprise they wuz all directed to niggers. “Wat is this?”

thot I to myself. “Hev the Ablishnists uv the North determined
upon proselytin these men, and are they goin to flood
this country with their incendiary readin? Ez a Federal
officer it's my dooty to look into the matter!” Imagine my
delirious joy at findin that they wuz Democratic papers from
Noo York and Ohio! “Thank Heaven!” sed I, “our people
hev awakened to a sense uv the necessity uv doin suthin;”
and I handed the papers out to em, exhortin uv em to read
em, ez they wuz trooth, and nothin but the trooth.

I ruther think they read em, for from that time out they
avoided me ez though I hed the plague. Ef I wuz a goin
down the street, and one uv em wuz a comin up, he'd cross the
street; and the pecoolyer expression uv his countenance indicatid
that it wuzn't my majestick presence wich awd him.
They hed loathin depicted on their classick feechers. Unable
to endoor this, I seezed one uv em, and asked why I wuz
treated thus?

Delibritly he pulled out uv his pockit one uv them cussid
Northern papers, and pintid indignantly to a editorial article.
It was perfoosely headed in this wise: —

Sed this Ethiopian, with his fingers on this headin, “'Pears
like ez ef dah wuzn't jist dat good feelin towards us colored
men on de part ob de Dimoc'sy ob the Norf dat dah ought to
be. 'Pears like as dough up dah wha de niggah ain't got no
vote, dat dey don't intend he shel hab it. 'Pears like, ef
Dimoc'sy's one ting all ober de country, dar's a cussid site ob
humbug a goin on down heah!”

Wat cood I say? Wat cood I do? There it wuz in black
and white; and from papers whose Dimocrisy cood not be
questioned. I wuz dumbfoundid. The nigger stalked hawtily
and proudly away in one direckshen, while I sneaked off ruther
sneakinly in another.

I hev one word to say to our brethren in the North. Yoo'r
doublin our troubles, and makin our burdens harder to bear.

Why havn't yoo common sense? Wat hurt wood nigger suffrage
do yoo up there wher ther ain't no niggers, and how
much wood it benefit us down here wher ther's millions uv
em? Can't yoo see it? On all questions heretofore the
Dimocrisy hez allowed a liberal license. We hev bin Free
Trade in Noo York and Tariff in Pennsylvany the same year,
and we cood do it. Then Dimocrats didn't git ther asshoorences
from papers, owin to their inability to perooze em
rapidly, it bein so long afore they got a word spelled out that
they forgot the one precedin it, wich destroyed the continuity
uv the narrative, ef I may so speak, and wat we told em really
wuz gospel. That won't do with the niggers down here. He
reads, he does; and ef he don't, ther's alluz everywhere some
sich sneakin cuss ez Pollock, who reads for him, and they know
wat they know jist ez well ez anybody. Let em stop hammerin
the nigger. It won't do. Ef he's to be a man and a
brother here, he must be a man and a brother there. Ef the
Dimocrisy must hev a race to look down on, let em turn their
attenshun to the Chinese or the Injuns, but from this time out
the nigger is sacred.