115. CXV.
THE END OF THE PRESIDENTIAL TOUR. — FROM
LOUISVILLE TO WASHINGTON.
White House, Washington, D. C., }
September 12, '66.
[1]
I rejined the Presidenshel party at Looisville, and glad I am
that I did it at that pint. His Imperial Serenity hed bin pleased
ever sence he left Chicago, or rather sence he got near St.
Loois, for two thirds uv Illinois wuz pizen, and Indianapolis
wuz pizener. From St. Loois the recepshuns wuz trooly corjel
and even enthoosiastic. We got out uv the region uv aristocrats,
and hed come down to the hard-fisted yomanry. I seed
holes thro the hats uv men; I seed wat mite be called the flag
uv Democrisy wavin from behind em, which, ez they genrally
either had no coats at all, or if any, they were roundabouts,
wuz alluz in view. I saw wimen who disdained stockins and
dipped snuff, and I felt to home. I wuz among Democracy.
The cheerin for Grant and Farragut closed ez we got into
them regions, and uv the vociferous crowds half uv em, the
younger ones, cheered Andrew Johnson, while the old veterans,
them whose noses wuz blossomin for the tomb, cheered for
Andrew Jackson. His Serenity smilinly acknowledged both,
by makin a speech to em, and wavin his hat.
With these preliminary remarks I resoom my diary: —
Louisville. — There wuz a magnificent demonstration here.
His Imperial Majesty, who wuz in a eggslent condition to make
crowds large enough, remarked to me as we wuz ridin through
the streets, “'Splen 'splay! 'Mor'n ten 'unerd sousand people
— mor'n ten million people — mor'n ten 'unerd million people
— mor'n ten 'unerd sousand million people — and alluvum
'sporters my policy. 'Rah for me!”
His Majesty ondoubtedly eggsagerated towards the last;
but it is safe to put the throng down at a good many. That
estimate is entirely safe. There wuz the finest display uv
banners and sich I hev seen since we startid. The red, white
and red wuz displayed from almost half the houses, ladies
waved their handkerchiefs ez we passed, and men cheered. A
pleasin incident occurd here. I noticed one gushin maiden uv
thirty-seven wavin her handkercher ez tho she wuz gettin so
much per wave, and had rent to pay that nite. I recognized
her to-wunst. When I wuz a citizen uv Ohio, and wuz drafted
into the service uv the United States, and clothed in a bobtailed
blue coat, and hed a Oystran muskit put into my unwillin
hands, and forced to fite agin my brethren, our regiment passed
thro Looisville and stayed there some days. I wuz walkin one
afternoon, when I met this identical angel. She saw my bloo
kote, and enraged, spit in my face with sich energy that she
threw out uv her mouth a full sett uv false teeth. I returned
em gallantly, wiped my face with my handkercher, and vowed
that handkercher shood henceforth be kept sacred. It wuz;
and when I seed her wavin hern at our party, I wept like a
Philadelphia Convenshen. I stopped the carriage, met the
patriotic female, called her attention to the incident, and
handed her my handkercher which hed, four years before,
wiped her spittle. The incident gave new vigor to her arms,
and from that time she waved two handerchers, and mine wuz
one uv em. I narrated the incident to the President, and
he wept.
There wuz a large perceshen and a great variety of banners.
Among the most noticeable, wuz a company uv solgers uv the
late war, each with a leg off, dressed in the gray uniforms into
wich they hed bin mustered out, with this motto: “We are
willin to go the other leg for A. Johnson.” Another company
uv solgers, who hed each lost an arm, carried this inscription:
“What we didn't get by bullets, we shel get by ballots.”
The President cut down his speech jest one half here. In
swingin around the cirkle he omitted to menshen that he found
traitors on the Southern side uv it. But he left the constooshn
in their hands cheerfully.
Cincinnati. — A very enthoosiastic recepshun — continyood
and loud cheers for Grant, wich the President acknowledged.
A unsophisticated Postmaster, who jined us here, wanted to
know why the people cheered for Grant instid uv the President,
to wich His Highness answered that they wuz considrit — they
knew his modesty, and wanted to spare his blushes. Another
man, who wuz also unsophisticated, asked him, confidenshelly,
ef he didn't think there wuz a samenis in his speeches, and
that ef he didn't think he'd do better to give a greater variety.
His Eggslency asked him how there cood be more variety.
“At Cincinnati,” sed he, “I observed the followin order: —
“1. I swung around the cirkle; 2. I asked who wuz the
Saviour ef I wuz Joodis Iskariot? 3. I left the Constitooshn,
the thirty-six States, and the flag with thirty-six stars onto it,
in their hands.
“Now, at Columbus, I shel vary it thusly: —
“1. The Constitooshn, flag, and stars. 2. The Joodis Iskariot
biznis. 3. Swingin around the cirkle.
“At Stoobenville, agin, ez follows: —
“1. Joodis Iskariot; 2. Swingin around the cirkle; 3. Constitooshn,
flag, and stars.
“And so on. It's susceptible uv many changes. I thot uv
that when I writ that speech, and divided it up into sections
on purpose.”
Johnstown, Pa. — A bridge fell down, onto wich wuz four
hundred voters, killin a dozen uv em. His Eggslency felt
releeved when heerin uv the axident, at bein asshoored that
there wuzn't wun uv his supporters on the bridge. He considered
it a speshl Providence. The condukter overheerd the
remark, and answered, that ef any uv his supporters wuz
killed in that seckshun they'd have to import wun for the
purpose.
Mifflin, Pa. — A enthoosiastic indivijjle who wants the Post
Office at this place very much, fell on the President's neck, and
wept, hailin him ez the “Preserver uv the Union.” The President
thanked him for this spontaneous triboot, and left in his
hands the Constitooshun, the flag, and the appintment he
desired.
Baltimore. — There wuz a spontaneous recepshun here,
wich wuz gratifying to us. The perceshun wuz immense, and
the mottoes expressive. One division wuz headed by the
identikle indivijooel who fired the first shot at the Massachusetts
men in 1861. He is a ardent supporter uv President
Johnson's policy. One flag wuz capchered from a Injeany
regiment at the first Bull Run, at wich the President wept.
“Things is becomin normal,” sed he, “when the people will
stand that. Wat love! — wat unity! The flags uv both secshuns,
wich was lately borne by foes, now minglin in the same
proceshun, and all uv em cheerin ME.”
At last we arrived at Washinton, hevin swung entirely round
the cirkle, and found traitors North and South. The demonstrashen
to greet the President on his arrival wuz immense.
The clerks in all the departments wuz out (at least them ez
wuzn't will wish they hed bin, ez their names wuz all taken),
the solgers on duty wuz ordered out, and altogether it wuz
the most spontaneous exhibition I ever witnest. The Mayor
made a speech. The President asked if he wuz Joodis Iscariot
who wuz the Saviour — told him he had swung around the
entire cirkle, and hed found traitors on all sides uv it, though
sence he left Cleveland, Chicago, and Indianapolis he wuz
satisfied there wuz the heft uv them in the North; but be this
ez it may, he left the Constooshn, and the thirty-six States, and
the flag with thirty-six stars onto it, in his hands. He had bin
Alderman uv his native village, and Congressman, and United
States Senator, and Vice-President, and President, wich latter
circumstance he considered forchinit, but wuz, after all, an
Humble Indivij'le. He didn't feel his oats much, and wood do
his dooty agin traitors North, ez well as agin his misguided
friends South. So ended the Presidential excursion.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P. M.
(wich is Postmaster),
and likewise Chaplin to the expedishn.
P. S. I forgot to menshun that at Chicago we laid the
corner-stone uv a monument to Douglas. The occurence hed
entirely slipped my memory.
P. V. N.
