80. LXXX.
A HORRIBLE VISION.
Saint's Rest (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Jersey), }
September the 20th, 1865.
Last nite, for amusement, I picked up a volume uv poems,
ritten by wun Campbell, and happened to read a piece called
“The Last Man.” It's a rather heavy piece uv writin. His
descriptive powers are rather better than mine, tho, perhaps,
ef my too partial friends ain't too partial, he is a long way
behind me in the matter uv pathetics, and in them fine touches
wich show the man uv sole and sensibility.
Be that ez it may, the poem made an impression on me
(wich is proof that there is suthin in it), and it wuz onto my
mind ez I retired to my virchus couch.
Scarcely hed I sunk into slumber, when my viggorous
intellek, wich even the bonds uv slumber can't chain, wandered
away into the misty realms uv speckulashen. I hed the most
horrible vision that ever afflicted a sleepin man, wich the bare
recollecshun uv causes a involuntary shudder to thrill my
susceptible frame.
Methawt a epidemic startid in Africa, and come by reglar
steps through Europe, and finally reached Noo York. For a
time it raged alike among all classes uv people, and among all
colors and complexions. The proud and hawty Caucassian,
the bold and patriotic Celt, the noble red man uv the forest
(wich is pizen), all, all wuz swept away by the relentless
pestilence.
Finally, it abated. The white man and the red man begun
to escape the fangs uv death; but among the niggers it raged
wuss than ever. Thro the South it swept like a tornado,
sparin the whites but cuttin down every nigger in its path.
Ther wuz weepin and wailin. The hawty planter saw in his
nigger-quarters the brite octoroon, for whom he hed paid
$2500, and who hed solaced his hours uv relaxashen with her
charms — who hed bore him girls almost perfectly white, wich,
on account uv hevin his blood in their vanes, he hed bin able
to sell for $3000 and $4000 to other planters, whose tastes run
in that direckshun — he saw her, the objeck uv his affeckshun,
and a part uv his estate, lyin a inanimate corpse, not worth a
cent for any purpose.
Likewise he saw his robust field-hands, each wun with
sinews and muscles uv iron — the males hearty and sound,
without blemish; the females capable uv raisin a picanniny
wich wuz worth $200 ez soon ez weaned, wunst a year, and by
a little extra whippin do a year's work in the field every 12
months, stretched cold corpses in the field, the cotton unpicked,
and his last year's gamblin debts unpaid. Thus wuz disease
outragin all the finer feelins uv humanity, and destroyin relentlessly
all that made life pleasant and lovely.
Finally, nigger after nigger fell, until but two remained in
the United States. They wuz a male and female, uv sich
perfectly healthy systems, that it seemed impossible for disease
to tetch them. When the epidemic wuz known to hev settled
down to niggers alone, the Dimokrasy held a consultation, and
fearin the race wood becum extinct, hed selected these, hed
carefully secloodid em from the world, and hed employed
twenty-four uv the most eminent medical men uv the world to
be with em constantly — each stayin an hour — that, in case
they showed any symptoms, the proper remedies mite be to-wunst
applied, afore the disease got a hold. From these two,
ef the rest wuz destroyed, it wuz hoped a new stock cood be
raised, that the dangers uv negro equality mite still be kept
afore the Amerikin people.
But all to no purpose. The unsparin pestilence smoted em,
and, notwithstandin the efforts made by the eminent physicians,
notwithstandin the prayers and groans uv the Dimokrasy —
they died!
Methawt the heavens wuz hung in black, and ominus litenins
shot athwart the skies. In the distance, low, mutrin thunders
wuz heard, and the beasts uv the forests run affrighted from
their coverts. Dray hosses dropt dead in the streets; dorgs
run wildly, with their tongues a hangin out, and the white
foam droppin from their distendid jaws. Ever and anon pale,
sickly gleams uv lite flashed across the dark, leaden-colored
clouds, givin nacher the appearence uv labrin under a severe
attack uv yaller janders.
The last nigger wuz dead!
Presently the leaders uv the Dimokrasy began to assemble.
Fernandywood cum.
“Alass!” sez he, sobbin ez tho his hart wood break, and
kissin the cold corpse — “Farewell, my hopes — a long and
last farewell! Thou wust our corner-stun; on thee we built.
Thou wust our capital, our cheefest trust. We used yoo —
we abused yoo — and in abusin yoo found our profit. Yoo
wuz ordained to be the cuss uv Ameriky — we wuz ordained
to be alluz fearful uv yoor bein our sooperior — to us wuz
entrusted the delightful task uv keepin yoo down, and us over
yoo. Our task is ended with thee. Kin we any more rally
our people to the poles, by yawpin the dangers uv nigger
equality, when ther ain't no nigger? This, now, is a white
man's guverment — we hev nothin left to contend for, and thus
I foller thee.”
And Fernandy, who hed found a jackknife in the nigger's
vest pocket, run it into his bowels, and fell a dead corpse
across his body.
Franklin Peerse approached and wailed thus: —
“And art thou gone, last uv the Afrikins? Cood not the
avengin ministers uv death hev taken sum other race? Cood
not the noble Injin bin taken, and thou spared to Dimokrasy?
No white man feared his supremacy. Cood not the Chinese
hev bin sacrificed in thy stead? The people hed no prejoodis
agin his color. Thou wust all that made me uv yoose, and ez
thou art gone, so I go also.”
And takin the jackknife out uv Fernandy's hand, he stabbed
hisself with it, and fell dead atop uv Fernandy.
Vallandigum approached, weepin violently.
“Opposin thy elevation,” sed he, addressin the dead nigger,
“wunst made a martyr uv me, which martyrdom netted me
$30,000 in ten-cent pieces, wich I immejitly invested in 7-30
bonds issued by a tyranikle and onconstooshnal guverment.
By carryin a portrait uv thee, and exibitin it at my meetins in
the rooral deestrisks, I hev made my constituencies bile with
rage, at the ijee uv sich ez thou bein elevatid to their speer.
Like Othello, `my occupashun's gone.' Farewell, pollitics —
thou wast my pollitics. Farewell, Congris! — uv wat yoose is
a Dimekrat in Congris with no nigger to blat about? Farewell,
life! — for wat is life with no nigger to persekoot?”
And takin the jackknife from Peerse's hand, he recklessly
plunged it into his bowels, and fell across Peerse.
Brite, uv Injeany; Richardson, uv Illinoy; Seymour, uv Noo
York; Florence, uv Pennsilvany, and all the leeders uv the
party uv the North, without exception, cum up, and, makin
similar orashuns, used the jackknife in like style — fallin across
each other ez four-foot wood is corded.
Gineral Slocum, uv Noo York, hed a good mind to do the
same thing; but he conclooded he cood turn a somerset out uv
the party ez easy ez he somersetted into it, and he didn't.
Filled with anguish uv the heaviest descripshun, and fully
appreciatin the feelins uv the noble men who woodent survive
their party, I caught the jackknife, and, throwin myself into a
attitood — sich ez I hev seen Forist come, when, in Othello, he
stabs hisself — I wuz on the pint uv makin it acquaintid with
my intestines, when I happened to observe a quart-bottle
stickin out uv the nigger's coat pocket. Droppin the knife, I
seezed it, and in two gulps swallered the contents. The room
spun round and round, and, eggsaustid, I fell senseless across
the dead sooicides. Jest then Horis Greely entered the room.
Holdin up both hands, he exclaimed, —
“Ez it wuz in the beginnin, so it is in the endin. Behold Dimokrasy!
— nigger at the bottom, whisky at the top, and a stink
in the middle. We're rid uv two great cusses to-wunst!”
And, instid uv punchin his stumick with the knife, he
shuffled out uv the room, holdin his nose.
I awoke, in a feverish sweat, shreekin wildly. So vivid wuz
the scene I hed dreamed, that I found it impossible to sleep,
and all that long nite I walked the floor in agony.
Wuz the dream prophetik? Is there any danger uv the
nigger becomin extinct by disease? I know amalgamashun is
whitenin him in the Southern States, but up North, where
Dimokrasy is skarse, we kin preserve them in all their original
blackness. Hevin grant that this friteful vision wuz simply
the result uv a disordered stumick, and not a warnin uv wrath
to cum!
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
