51. LI.
STARTS A SOCIETY OF HIS OWN.
Church uv the Noo Dispensashun, }
August the 3d, 1864.
[1]
I am no “Son uv Liberty.” Any Dimekrat who can't stan a
heavier dose than that instooshn affords, ain't fit to hev the
elective franchise exercised for him. I hev instootid a order
uv my own, wich is more adaptid to the Dimekratik intellek at
large — suthin that they kin understand.
Wat's the yoose, I ask indignantly, uv tellin our disciples
that free speech is done away with by Linkin, wen we are
openly blattin Suthrin rites on evry cross rodes, without any
mental reservation whatsoever? Wat's the yoose uv talkin to
Dimekrats about habis corpusses, wen half uv em never had
em, and tother half woodent hev knowd the yoose uv em if
they'd a had em? Noncents!
My order, wich I call the “Anshent and Sublime Order uv
Putty-backs,” hez suthin in it they kin understand.
The follerin is a part uv the ritual: The candidate is brot
into the ante-room (so called from the fact that he there anties
up his inishashen fee) blindfolded. He's frightened. A
bottle is applied to his nose, wich reassures him, for well he
knows wher ther's whisky ther's Dimokrasy. The follerin dialogue
ensues: —
Question. Are you a Dimekrat?
Q. Do you consider yoorself better than a nigger?
Q. Are yoo afeard yoor sister will marry a nigger, and do
you want the Legislacher uv yer various Staits to make laws a
preventin uv her?
Do yoo bleeve that a Ablishnist loves a nigger better'n
hisself, his wife and children, his uncles and aunts, and sich?
Do yoo bleeve that this war, conseeved by John Brown and
innoggeratid by A. Linkin, is bein carried on by Ablishnists
for the sole purpose uv freein the niggers and bringin uv em
North, and elevatin uv em a inch or to, so ez to git em over
Dimekrats?
Do yoo bleeve that in Massachoosets they feed nigger students
on oysters and briled porter-house steak, and the whites on hash?
Do yoo bleeve there are 800,000 niggers in the North now,
and that the guverment intends to hev em all vote this fall?
Are yoo willin to take up arms agin this elevashen uv the
nigger?
Will yoo solemnly pledge yoorself to vote the Dimekratic
tickit without a scratch, and to rally promptly to the killin uv
Provo Marshels?
The candidate, uv coarse, answers all these questions in the
affirmative, after wich some wun is hunted up who kin rite his
name, to wich he makes his mark, and he's inishiatid.
My society is pecoolyerly adaptid to the party, coz it's strong
uv nigger, wich all uv em kin understand. I never knowd a
ginooine Southern-rite Dimekrat who dident consider the free
Afrikin a disgustin obgeck, and who ain't continooally strivin
to make hisself bleeve that sumbody's lower down than hisself.
Hence their anxiety to own a nigger, and where that ain't
permitted, their onquenchable desire to kill wun.
My ijee is never to loose holt uv the nigger. He makes us
cheap cappitle, and is alluz reddy to hand.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
