78. LXXVIII.
MORE PHILOSOPHY.
THE SUSPICIOUS MAN.
Suspicion, a little ov it, iz almost az good az wisdum,
but it iz one ov them kind ov disseazes that
men aint apt tew hav small. It iz like the meazles—
if they have it they hav it aul over.
A suspicious man iz most alwus a cunning man;
and a cunning man iz generally a rogue.
What the happiness ov a suspicious man consists
in i never could tell. It certainly aint in friendship,
for he iz afraid tew trust hiz own brother; it kant be
in conversashun, for he beleaves evry man lies; nor
in affection, for he looks upon the artlessness, even
ov children, as the germs ov fraud.
If a man iz born with this trait, it iz alwus the
stoughtest one he haz got, and about the only:
for suspicions iz like sheep sorrell, a vinegary weed,
that runs evry generous plant out ov the soil.
If a man learns tew be suspicious, it only proves
that he haz been tew bad schools, where not mutch
of ennything else waz taught.
Noboddy but a phool would lay aside all kaution
and undertake tew go thru this world without
enny linch-pin; but noboddy but a rogue would
learn enny more suspicion than he was aktually
obliged to.
Prudence and kaution are the simple children ov
wisdum; but suspicion iz either a bastard, got by Deceit,
upon the person of Ignorance, or else it iz the legitimate
baby ov parents who hav studdied kaution,
not tew protekt themselves, but tew be able tew cheat
sumboddy else aul the eazier.
THE WISE MAN.
Wisdum is a six-hoss team, with a karfull driver on
the box. Yea! a wize man iz an iron-klad elephant
chawing hiz cud.
But this wurld is full ov wisdum that never cums
out ov its hole; that always roosts on the top limbs
ov a tree and hoots at the wayfairing man, but kant
show him the way out ov the wilderness.
These kind ov wise men are like old gideboards at
the crotch ov the roads with the lettering aul washed
oph—wooden prophets, wus than no news.
Wisdum is made out ov faith and virtew and truth
seasoned with toil and experience, and scented with
modesty. This kind ov wisdum is full as glorious
as it is skase.
But experience, without doubt, is the boss skoolmaster
ov wurdly wisdum. He is the one who
taught Adam and his wife their fust lesson, and he
haint never bin out ov a job since. His skool keeps
aul day Saturday, and Sundays too, and has but one
vakation in it, and that is when aul hands are asleep.
But say what yu will, wisdum is a rare bird ennyhow.
Thare is lots ov folks that kan show yu the
mule that kicked them last, but it takes one ov yure
klassikal skollars, one ov yure blooded wisdumers,
tew point out the mule that iz a going tew kick next.
Buy wisdum, mi friends, whenever it is in market,
for she is a harp ov 1200 strings.
THE EFFEMINATE MAN.
The effeminate man is a weak poultiss.
He is a kross between root beer and ginger pop
with the cork left out ov the bottle over night.
He is a fresh water mermaid lost in a cow pastur,
with his hands filled with dandylions.
He is a tea-kup full of whipped sillybub—a kitten
in pantylets—a sick monkey with a blonde mustash.
He is a vine without enny tendrills—a fly drowned
in sweet ile—a paper kite in a ded calm.
He lives as the bntterflise do—noboddy kan tell
whi. He is as harmless as a cent's wuth ov spruce
gum, and as useless as a shirt button without enny
button-hole.
He is as lazy as a bread-pill, and has no more hope
than a last year's grasshopper.
He is a man without enny gaul, and a woman without
enny gissard.
He goes thru life on his tiptose, and dies like
colone water spilt on the ground.
THE END.
