69. LXIX.
PHILOSOPHEE ON THE HALF SHELL.
I hav finally cum tew the conclusion that thare
aint truth enuff in the world, just now, to do the
bissiness with, and if sum kind ov compromise cant
be had, the Devil might as well step in, and run the
consarn at onst.
I always advise short sermons, espeshily on a hot
Sunday. If a minister cant strike ile in boring 40
minutes, he has either got a poor gimblet, or else he
is a boring in the rong plase.
Don't tell the world yure sorrows, enny more than
you would tell them your shame.
Philosophers are like graveyards—they take all
things just as they come, and give them a decent
burial and a suitable epitaff.
Enny boddy can tell where lightning struck last,
but it takes a smart man tew find out whare it is
going tew strike nex time—this is one ov the differences
between learning and wisdom.
Sailors heave the lead for the purpose ov finding
the bottom, not for the purpose ov going thare—it is
sum so with advise; men should ask for it, not so
mutch for the purpose ov following it, as for the purpose
ov strengthening their own plans.
I have got a first rate recollekshun, but no memory
—I can recolleckt distinctly ov loseing a 10 Dollar
bill onse, but cant remember whare, to save mi life.
There is men ov so mutch learning and impudence,
they wouldn't hesitate tew criticise the song
ov a bird.
Hogs hav an excellent ear for music—but it takes
a dog tew pitch the tune.
I hav seen men as full ov indecision as an old
barn—alwus reddy, but didn't know exactly which
way to pitch.
Thare is sum folks whose thoughts cant be controled:—they
are like twins, they cant be had, nor
they cant be stopped.
Most ennyboddy can write poor sense, but there
aint but few that can write good nonsense—and it
alwus takes an eddycated man to appreciate it after it
is writ.
