24. XXIV.
PERKUSSION CAPS.
I hold that a man has jist as mutch rite tew spel a
word as it is pronounsed, as he has tew pronounse it
the way it aint spelt.
Sticking up our nose don't prove enny thing, for
the most sensitiff person in the world, when he is
away from his kittles, is a bone biler.
But fu sights, in this life, are more sublime and
pathetick, than tew see a poor, but virtuous yung
man, full ov christian fortitude, struggling with a
mustatch.
Common sense is most ginnerally dispised bi those
who haint got it.
If I was asked which was the best way, in these
days ov temptashun, tew bring up a boy, i should
say—bring him up the back way.
It don't require enny edukashun tew tell the truth,
but tew lie well dus.
We are told “that an honest man is the noblest
work ov God”—but the demand for the work has
been so limited, that i hav thought a large share ov
the fust edishun must still be in the author's hands.
Men don't seem never tew git tired ov talking
about themselfs, but i hav heard them when i
thought they showed signs ov weekness.
If yu would make yurself agreeable, wherever
yu go, listen tew the grivences ov others, but never
relate yure own.
Sum folks are always trieing tew see thru a millstone
edgeways, when, if they would only turn it
over on the flat side, they could look rite thru the
hole.
Buty is like a ranebow—full ov promis, but short
lived.
It aint best tu swop with yure relashuns, unless
yu kan afford tew giv them the butt end ov the
trade.
Amung the blu laws ov Konnekticut, (which are
now obsolute,) are this—“No man shall chaw turbakker
on Sunday, unless he swallers the spit.”
Also, “No yung woman shal hav a rite tew git
marrid, who kant make a donut that will keep at
least one year, without loseing its twist.”
I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but
I want tew pick the men.
I beleave in suggar coated pills.—I also beleave
that virtue and wisdum kan be smuggled into a
man's soul bi a good nature proverb, better and
deeper than tew be mortised into it with a wormwood
mallet and chissell.
The pure don't gro old enny more than a mountain
spring dus.
I don't think thare is enny rule for long life. I hav
known men tew die before they was 40, from the
effek ov a vegatabel diet, and i hav known others
tew liv 75 years on salt pork and sider brandy, and
then quit the pork on akount ov their helths, and
live 15 years longer on the sider brandy alone.
“Give me liberty, or giv me deth”—but ov the 2
I prefer the liberty.
As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we
must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists,
not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor
hand well.
The time tew pray is not when we are in a tight
spot, but jist as soon as we git out ov it.
“The Lord tempers the wind to the shorn lamb,”
but it is man's bissiness tew see that he don't shear
the lamb tew cluss.
