68. LXVIII.
MONOGRAFFS.
THE PASHIONATE MAN.
Pride, without dout, is the old man ov anger.
The pashionate man is like a hornet's nest, alwus
reddy for a fight.
These kind ov men live, if they are possessed
ov virtues, the most degrading kind ov a life;
their fury is followed bi the humiliation ov repentance.
Pride forces them tew the indignity ov an
apology, and the apology is but the smouldering
ashes ov another fit ov phrensy.
If men only flew into a pashun at great things
thare would be some pleasure in forgiving them
if it took an earthquake or an elephant tew stir them
up, we could pity them; but to see them convulsed
with rage bekause they stub their toe, or bekause
their name happens to be spelt wrong in the morning
paper, sinks them down tew the level ov a cat,
whose dignity and decency is awl gone if enny
boddy happens to step on their continuation.
But i don't want it told around the country that i
am hollering halleluger for a living, on them kind uv
men who kant git mad at all.
I don't believe the Lord ever intended, if a mule
kicks me on one side, that i am tew turn the other
fresh side tew the mule.
I say, let a hornet light ontu yu if he wants to,
and let him set thare, and chaw his cud in peace;
but if he stings yu, while he is setting on yu, i say,
kill the cuss.
THE ZEALOUS MAN.
The zealous man is alwus trieing tew bile, that is,
if he has got enny steam on at all.
His pot never simmers, it generally biles over,
and puts out the fire; he is either awl bile, or not
even lukewarm.
Zeal often makes a man more ridiklus than folly
duz; in fakt, zeal and folly were twins, only zeal
was born a little first; he couldn't wait, ov course,
till his time cum.
Zeal in religion, is the way that biggots are made,
an zeal in selling the most dri goods, is the way that
good liars are made.
I beleaf in zeal, but when it trys tew beat Dexter's
time, then i think it wants watching as much as a
mule's hind legg dus.
Zeal that trots square, and goes a measured mile
in about 3 minnitts without a skip, is mi kind; i am
willing to bet mi suspender buttons (and they are
the last things i want tew lose) on this kind ov
zeal.
After all, zeal is a good deal like lead; when it
is biling hot, yu kan run it into enny kind ov shape
yu want tew, but when it is cold, it is as heavy
as enny thing i kno ov.
I want mi zeal just as i dew mi beefsteak, nicely
dun thru.
THE GOOD-NATURED MAN.
Good nature is not an accomplishment, (that is
it is not one of them kind ov collaterals, that kan
be manufakterd,) it is one ov the virtews, which a
man gits, just as he dus his nose, bi having it
born with him.
It is really worth more tew the world, tew hav a
good natured man born into it, and go into the good
natured bissness, than to hav a poeck born, and
go into the poeckry bissness.
Good natur is what evry man kan understand,
but there is a good deal of poeckry that noboddy
kan understand, and if they did, they wouldn't be
enny the wiser for it.
Good natured men work up into fathers, husbands,
and brothers, fust rate, and without enny
waste; they make good feller citizens, and evry
boddy feels as if they had some stock in them; little
children love them, and the girls ain't afrade tew
be kist by them; they are as safe and as pleasant
as root beer.
The good-natured man aint alwus a statesman,
nor aint alwus just the man for sekretary ov the
treasury, but to grease the griddle ov evry day
life, tew soften the furious, tew raise the despondent,
and tew endorse 60 day paper, he weighs at least
a ton.
I had rather be a good natured man than tew
hav a seat in the New York Legislature; thare may
not be as mutch money in it, but thare is twice
the means ov grace.
