65. LXV.
SUM NATRAL HISTORY.
The Alligator iz not a natiff ov Nu England; he
iz too useless a critter tew be born thare.
He belongs down South, and resides in the same
swamp that the copperhead duz.
He lives upon raw pig, and don't hesitate tew take
them whole, if thare don't happen tew be a smaller
one handy.
He iz also fond ov a little negro, once in a while,
by way ov a fresh.
They are amphibicus, and sevral other kinds ov
cuss too plenty to menshun.
What on earth they are good for, i don't seem to
know, unless it iz tew watch for pigs.
Their hides kan be tanned into leather, but they
are az hard tew skin az a beech tree iz; and the
leather, when tanned, iz just about as limber az a
cooking-stove. But one pair ov boots, made out ov
alligator, will last az long az a man's name duz;
the only way tew wear them out iz tew heave them
away.
Alligator meat iz not luscious. If yu ask for it at
the fust-klass hotels, they will alwus tell yu “that
they are jist out.” It tastes az i should think the
beef ov a mule would, who had been worked forty
years in a brick-yard, and then been struk with lightning,
to git rid ov him.
When an alligater's mouth iz wide open, hiz head
iz just about in the center ov hiz boddy; but they
hav one virtew i came verry near forgitting—they
make a verry still noize, altho they hav more jaw
than enny other critter i kno ov.
These are sum ov the heavyest fakts i hav been
able tew gather about the alligater.
The alligator seems tew be a second edition ov the
krokadile, made out ov what waz left.
I think the krokodile usually lays eggs when they
want sum more krokadiles, but i don't kno whether i
think the alligatur duz or don't; but if they do, and
i ever find the nest, and the old feller aint on the
nest, i shouldn't hesitate tew hatch out the eggs myself—with
a klub.
This iz all i kno at prezent about the alligatur.
The Ren iz the smallest thing surrounded with
feathers, except the humming bird.
He iz about the size ov a horse chestnutt.
He iz ov a dark brown color, and bilds hiz nest in
not holes, out ov little bits ov stix.
He iz az gritty az a mud pie, and will fight a hen
turkey.
Rens are little pirates; i hav seen them drive a
blu-bird out ov his house, and sett up bizziness on
hiz stock in trade.
They lay an egg about the size ov a marrow fat p,
and hatch out at least a half dozen children at a setting.
A young ren iz the funniest little package i ever
see done up; they aint much bigger, and look verry
mutch like a small-sized semicolon.
Rens are long-lived, but if they should live tew
be az old az Methuseler, they wouldn't be az bigg az
a butter-nutt.
They liv on the bug and worm family, and spend
their winters south.
They are not proffitable to eat—i would az soon
dress a bumble bee, and one ren pot pie would use
up the whole breed.
THE CROW.
Next to the monkey, the crow haz the most deviltry
to spare. They are born verry wild, but kan be
tamed az eazy az the goat kan, but a tame crow iz
aktually wuss than a sore thumb.
If thare iz enny thing about the house that they
kant git into, it iz bekause the thing ain't big enuff.
I had rather watch a distrikt skool than one tame
crow. Crows live on what they kan steal, and they
will steal enny thing that aint tied down.
They are fond ov meat vittles, and are the first
tew hold an inquest over a departed horse, or a still
sheep. They are a fine bird tew hunt but a hard
one tew kill; they kan see you 2 miles first, and will
smell a gun right through the side ov a mountain.
They are not songstirs, altho they hav a good voice
to cultivate, but what they do sing, they seem to
understand thoroughly; long praktiss has made
them perfekt.
The crow iz a tuff bird, and kan stand the heat
like a blacksmith, and the cold like a stun wall.
They bild their nest among a tree, and lay twice,
and both eggs would hatch out, if they was laid
in a snow bank,—thare aint no such thing as stopping
a young crow.
Crows are very lengthy; i beleave they live always
i never knu one to die a natral deth, and don't believe
they kno how.
They are alwus thin in flesh, and are like an injun
rubber shew, poor inside and out.
They are not considered fine eating, altho i hav
read sumwhare ov biled crow, but still i never heard
ov the same man hankering for sum biled crow 2
times.
This essa on the crow is copied from natur, and if
it is true, i aint tew blame for it; natur made the
crow, i didn't; if i had i would hav made her more
honest and not quite so tuff.
The Bumble Bee is one ov natur's sekrets.
They probably hav a destiny to fill, and are probably
necessary, if a fellow only knew how.
They liv apart from the rest ov mankind, in little
circles numbering about 75 or 80 souls.
They are born about haying time, and are different
from enny bug i know ov; they are the biggest when
they are fust born. They resemble sum men in this
respekt.
Their principle bizziness is making poor honey,
but they don't make enny to sell.
Boys sumtimes rob them out ov a whole summer's
work; but thare is one thing about a bumble bee
that boys alwus watch dreadful cluss, and that iz
their helm.
I had rather not hav awl the bumble bee honey
that is between here and the city ov Jerusalem, than
tew hav a bumble bee hit me with his helm when
he cums round suddin.
They are different from other war vessels; the
helm alwus minds the bumble bee.
