26. XXVI.
AMERIKAN ARISTOKRASY.
VIEWED BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Political ekonomists hav defined an aristokrasy
as a power or government in which a privileged few
hold dominyun.
I am not aware that sich a government exists, in
a pure form, at the present day among the nashuns
ov the earth.
But we kant be mistaken in the fackt that even in
our own Republick thare are menny kandidates who
would luv to participate in the peculiar privileges
ov an aristokrasy.
We hav divided Amerikan Aristokrasy (jist for
fun) into 3 piles—the moneyed, the mackrel, and
the pedigree aristokrats.
Not having much time tew spare, we pitch into
them a good deal as follers:
The moneyed aristokrats are like certain fine coated
animals, worth just what their hides will bring.
The mackrels are remarkable for their numbers
and the small kapital they dew bizziness on; and
while arrayed in their false dignity, and straining
hard tew cheat us in awl things, are like a drunken
man trieing tew walk a krack.
The pedigrees hav mutch innosense and little
courage. Content with the glory ov their ancestors,
they are satisfied in holding under our noses a grandfather's
fossils, and fondly beleaf that the bones
make them smell ov greatness.
Finally, trieing tew be a fust klass aristokrat in
America, just yet, appears tew us tew be almost as
flattring an enterprise as climbing a greased pole.
Thare is great doubt about our being able tew reach
the top, and if we dew succeed (and don't pull the
pole up after us) we will soon hav the mortifikashun
ov seeing some other sheumaker climbing up the
same pole.
Moral—Don't be an aristokrat if you kan help it.
