34. XXXIV.
JOSH CORRESPONDS.
Jenkins—Yure letter is full ov very foolish questions,
but sum ov them are worth answering.
I kant tell whether dogs are born with a bob-tail
on them, or whether they ain't, but i am inclined
tew think they am.
I think they am, bekause I never see enny dogs'
tails laying around loose, without enny dog to them.
But thare is one thing that bothers me too, and
that is, i kant see why it aint just as easy for a dog
tew be born with a whole tail on him as with a bob
piece, when he is about it; still, if the dog has got
tew be skant sumwhare, perhaps it is good judgment
tew take it oph on the longest end.
The more we sarch these things, Jenkins, the
more curerisser they am.
Natur don't dew ennything without sum good
reason of her own. If she raises a bob-tailed dog,
she don't dew it for fun, but for the dog's welfair;
perhaps the dog, if he had bin borned with a whole
tail, might hav had it bit oph by a sheep or sumthing.
So yu see, Jenkins, thare is figureing in aul these
things.
As i told yu in mi last letter, you must study
natur and wisdum more, and then yu won't hav tew
ask so menny phoolish questions.
A bob-tailed dog aint half so apt tew hav the
tiphus fever as a long-tailed dog is—this stands tew
reason.
A long-tailed dog kan wag more than a bob-tailed
dog kan; but wagging ov aul kinds, is about played
out.
If i should ever git able tew keep a dog, i should
selekt a bob-tailed one, for two reasons. One is, yu
git more dog and less tail; and the other is, thare
aint no good place for the boys tew hitch a tin pail
onto them behind.
I had rather have one bob-tailed dog, if he was
ever so small, than tew hav six long-tailed ones, if
they was ever so big. I might not be so rich, but
i could invest the other 5 dogs in bank stock, which
would be better than nothing.
Thare is one thing, Jenkins, yu, nor no other man
ever see, with the naked eye, and that is a long-tailed
dog that didn't hav fleas on him.
If yu want to hang up a dog by the tail, I am
reddy tew allow that the long-tailed ones are the
handyest—but the best way, ennyhow, to hang a
dog, is by the neck.
In my next letter tew yu I will tell yu sum more
news about dogs, but in the mean time yu must
prop yure eyes open, and keep up a devil ov a
thinking, and wisdum, by-and-by, will cum and sit
on yu, and tell yu awl about it, which ov the two is
the most necessary, the bob, or the long-tailed dog.
That part ov yure letter, in which yu ask me
about Herring, iz full ov very young and half-biled
questions, sum ov which are tew easy tew spend
enny time answering; but thare is sum ov them more
tuff, which I may as well split up for yu now as
enny time.
Herring is a small fish that lives in schools. They
are used as vittles, and resemble, very mutch, when
they are cooked, a paper ov stewed pins. They are
cooked by being tanned in the smoke, and then are
et raw. They are generally served up with crackers
and water. Crackers and herring are as free from
moisture as Daball's arithmetick, and will keep
without spileing, as long as the rule ov 3.
They are handy tew eat; you kan eat them on a
run, or not, just as yu hav a mind to.
Thare is one thing very awful about a herring; they
hav got but one bowell, and that is about the sise ov
a chalk line when it is stretched tight; this gives
their stummuks a penurious look.
Bones is what a herring has the most ov; they are
as full ov bone as a rat's tail.
Yu ask me, “if the herrin and sturgin are the same
fish?” This question beats enny one i ever heard ov
its sise; a child 2 hours old knows better than that.
Jenkins, yu will either hav tew be born agin, or
else pull oph yure shoes and run out tew grass
one summer, before yu will kno mutch.
Nimrod—I will write yu more at length after
sheep-shearing, and will merely suggest now that yu
hav got rong noshuns about mankind in general.
Mankind in general is as oncertin as a wasp's nest,
and wants as mutch cluss watching as a mule's hind
legg.
I hav got so poor an opinion ov mankind in general
(as far as i hav got) that if i was in a destitute
condishun i would rather trust tew mi luck than
tew my virtue for sunbeams.
In relation tew that chunk ov skripture which yu
ask me about, “Be yee as wise as a sarpient, but
harmless as a deer,” don't mistake it for a dose of
catnip tea or herb drink; it warn't meant for a weak
prescription; it is a kind ov iron-klad missionary
ship, and means sharp work, on the sly.
Yure idee about the friendship ov the world is 4
miles tew leeward ov the channel; friendship is like
the magnetic needle, thare is certin causes that will
make it vary sideways sumtimes, but when it settles
down tew stiddy work it alwus pints tew the pole—
and the fellow that owns the needle owns the pole.
And as for human happiness, Nimrod, don't hunt
for it, and yu may acksidentally cum across sum ov
it. Hunting happiness is a good deal like hunting
crows; when yu haint got yure gun with yu, yu kan
alwas git a grate deal nearer tew the crows.
