36. XXXVI.
DEAD BEATS.
No man ever jumps az fur az he kan, but once.
If the wicked really stand on slippery places, the
best thing the rightyus kan do is to keep oph from
the ice.
Thare is no religion in simply travelling 4 miles
an hour, nor enny actual sin in a 2.40 gate.
“Position is everything;” position of a comma,
for instanse. “Thare is a divinity that shapes our
ends rough, hew them as we will.”
If I was called upon to say how I thought the
Devil looked and ackted, i should kompare him to
the man who sells rum by the glass, and never
drinks enny himself.
Wits are like hornets,—they hav but few intimates.
Thiefs are remarkabel for their taking ways;
Ragmen for their light weighs;
Dairymaids for their sweet wheys;
Boston for her by ways.
Courting,—home on a furlough.
I maid up mi mind, more than 6 months ago, that
this world wa'n't made for phools; and when i see a
man determined tew go to the devil, i generly let
him went.
Crippels ar always cross; thay ar nature's libels.
I konsider marrying for money no better than stealing
it.
I hav seen sum awful bad throte disseases completely
cured in 3 days by simply jineing a temprance
sosiety.
A pun, tew be irresistable, don't ought to flavor
ov malis aforethought; but wants tew cum sudden
and apt, like a rat out ov his hole.
How menny men thare is who argy, just as a bull
dus, chained tew a post; they beller and paw, but
they kant git away from the post.
Monuments are poor investments—the bad don't
deserve them, and the good don't need them.
Thare is a grate menny stricktly honnest folks in
this world; they wouldn't take a cent from enny
man that didn't belong tew them, nor giv enny man
a cent that didn't belong to them.
I consider cerimony principally an effort ov vanity,
or a kind ov fashionable golden rule, which stimulates
folks to do unto others as they would hav
others do unto them.
Criticks are generally self-made men, and often
poor jobs at that.
Thare is one happiness in me that haint grone an
hour older sinst it was born, and that is—the fun of
the thing.
The heathens worship wood and stone; christians
worship Nevada bricks.
It ain't no credit tew a cow to giv a pail full ov
milk, and then kick it over—nor any other other
man.
