43. XLIII.
CHIPS FROM THE BUTT CUT OV WISDUM.
Just about in proportion that a woman bekums
famous away from home, she haz dun suthin she
hadn't oughter.
I don't think it will pay enny man tew be poor
jist for the sake ov being a philosopher.
The sharpest men hav the fewest ideas, but, like
the sun-glass, they kan focus them quick, and the
consequentz is, sumboddy gits burnt.
Them hosses who ackt just az though they waz
agoin to run away awl the time hardly ever do, but
the dozy ones, when they do git started, kant run
fast enuff to suit them.—It is sum so with the human
critters.
Ridicule iz the only successful persecution i kno
ov.
Tew git at the full sublimity ov a wimmins right
lekturer, go tew her hum, and witness her old man
striving to nuss their last baby, and notis what a
dredful sloppy job he makes ov it.
Avarice makes villins ov sum, and growling
wretches ov all.
Philosophy iz the art ov making ourselfs happy,
but yet i find 7 times as mutch philosophy in the
world az i do happiness.
Marrying for love iz postponed for the present; in
the mean time Cupid dips hiz arrows in petroleum
and fires at brown stone fronts, just to keep hiz hand
in.
Pleazure iz just az natural az smelling; thare is az
mutch joy in sliding down hill by moonlight, on a
barrel stave, az there is 40 years afterwards, in bein
principal stock-holder, and president ov a double
track ralerode.
We should make virtue our master, not our servant.
Pitty is the poorest beggar ov the whole lot. “Pitty
the sorrows ov a poor old man,” iz a fust rate way
tew hav the dogs set at you,—better, a good deal,
be a little sassy.
Generosity, az a general thing, haz more pride
than kommon sense in it.
Even truth haz a ridickilous side tew it, which it
iz always trieing to hide.
Sum people lose twice when they bet; they bet
without enny pluck, and lose without enny pluck.
Yu kant kure laziness by bribery, nor shame; the
only way to kure it, is few skare it. Laziness is
one ov those kind ov things that has no memory
at all, and but an indifferent recollection.
“Early impreshuns are the most lasting”—the
fust kiss, and the fust licking, cum under this hed.
Reputashun is a good deal like a bond-fire, yu hav
got tew keep pileing on the shavings. If you don't
the flame will soon subdew.
I was once asked if mi fourfathers was Englishmen.
I told the illiterate cuss, who propagated the
question, that i didn't hav but one father, and he was
strictly ov the Massachewsetts purswashun.
Good wit iz sumthing like good luck,—the more
soon and unexpekted it iz, the better.
