76. LXXVI.
JOSH COMMUNES WITH HIS FRIENDS.
Dear Joe—Your letter came by the last mail
and brought with it menny thoughts ov that sunny
time when yu and I waz boys, and slid down hill
together Yu ask for mi advise upon a topick which
iz always a delikate one for a third party to mix in
with; but yu are aware that I am not very delikate,
and don't hesitate tew launch mi opinion, espeshily
when invited to do it. I consider advise generally
wasted, and most sure to be when given upon the
matter in question, but i hav a large stock ov it on
hand, and shan't miss what i devote to you.
By awl means, Joe, git married, if yu hav got a
fair show. Don't stand shivvering on the bank; but
pitch in and stick yure head under, and the shiver iz
awl over. Thare aint enny more trick in gitting
marrid, after yu are ready, than there iz in eating
peanuts. Menny a man haz stood shivvering on the
shore till the river haz awl run out. Don't expect
tew marry an angel; the angels hav awl been picked
up long ago. Remember, Joe, yu aint a saint yureself.
Don't marry for buty excloosively; buty iz
like ice, awful slippery, and thaws dredful eazy.
Don't marry for garments; dry goods are uncommon
deceptibus; they are like the feathers on a blue-jay—
pick oph the feathers, and thare aint nothing left.
Don't marry for munny; munny may make yu respectabel,
but kan't make you honnest nor happy.
Don't marry excloosively for luv neither; luv iz like
a cooking-stove, good for nothing when the fuel gives
out. But marry a mixtur. Let the mixtur be: sum
buty, becumingly dressed, with about 225 dollars in
her pocket; a good speller, handy and neat in the
house, plenty ov good sense, a tuff constitution and
by-laws, small feet, and a light stepper; add tew this,
clean teeth, and a warm heart; the whole tew be well
shaken before taken. This mixtur will keep in enny
climate, and not evaporate. If the cork happens tew
be left out for two or three minutes, the strength aint
awl gone.
Joe, for heaven's sake don't marry for pedigree;
thare aint much in pedigree, unless it iz backed up bi
bank stock; a family, with nothing but pedigree,
generally lacks sense; they are like a kight with tew
much tail; if they would only take oph sum ov the
tail, they mite possibly git up, but they are always
tew illustrious to take off any tail.
Let me hear from yu again, Joe, soon.
But mi dear fellow, don't be afrade; wedlok iz az
natral az milk, but in course thare iz sum difference
in milk about highsting cream, but there iz one thing
that don't vary, and that iz awl milk tew have the
cream rize good, and keep sweet, must be kept in a
cool place, not be rousted up tew often.
Don't be an olde bachelor; lonesum, and selfish,
crawling out ov yure hole, in the morning, like a
shiny backed beetle, and then backing into it again,
late every night, suspicious, and suspected.
I would az soon be a stuffed rooster, set up in a
show window, or a tin weather cock, on the ridgepole
of a female seminary, az a lonesum bachelor,
jeered at by awl the virginity ov the land.
Jeremiah.—Don't confuse learning and wisdum;
thare iz jist az mutch diffrence between them az thare
iz between fruit that iz raized in a hott-house and that
which ripens out doors, smiled upon bi the sun, and
shook up by the wind and the storm.
When the two hitch up together, they are a bully
team.
Wisdum, being natrally the stoughtest, takes learning
up in its arms, and learning points out the shortest
road tew take; they work together handy az a
pair ov twin oxen.
If a man kant hav but one, he better hav the wisdum,
for wisdum iz alwus fatt with good sense, and
kan alwus uze its strength; while learning must hav
just sich a spot tew work in, and jist sich a way tew
do it.
Wisdum iz a giant, whoze strength makes him respekted,
while learning iz a pigmy, whoze knowledge
makes him feared.
But, Jeremiah, thare kan be a good deal sed for
both ov them.
Wisdum grows stout by thinking, and learning
gits fat by studdy.
Wisdum iz ov the natur ov genius, while learning
iz ov the natur ov tallent.
But, Jeremiah, these subjects are too full ov logick
for you and me tew phool with. We had better
spend our loose moments in finding out the best way
tew raize beans, and the best market tew take them
to.
P. S.—I forgot to say that thare iz four hundred
times az mutch learning in the world as thare iz wisdum.
And also, a man may hav a grate deal ov learning,
and not know mutch, just as he may have a grate
deal ov strength, and not know the best holts.
