29. XXIX.
NOW AND THEN
In anshunt days, men, after konsidering an enterprise,
proceeded with energee tew execute it; now
they shut up one eye, and “pitch in.”
In old times, if their judgment sanctioned, they
considered the chances; now, they “let her rip.”
Then, they drank moderately ov water and brandy;
now, they smile aquafortiss, and suk sweet
scented turpentine, thru a quill.
Then, if circumstancis made it imperativ, they
closed their bissiness, by affekting an honarabil compromise;
now, they “cave in,” “squeal,” or “absquat.”
Then, kontrary opinyuns were okassionally supported
with reasonabel wagers; now, every man
“bets his pile,” or “bottom Dollar.'
Then, they went a mile in forti-two, with an easy
rein; now, in 2 forti, under a strong pull.
Then, most familys held from 6 to 10 healthy children,
within its hallowed sirkle a radiant mother, and a
stalwart sire; now, too oftin a puny father, with unsertin
knees, a romantik madame, with a pale lily
at her breast, a wet nuss, 2 Bridgits and a kennel ov
sore eyed pups.
Then, they went tew meeting, to hear a docktrin
sermon, and be humbell before God; now, they
flaunt into holy palaces, and pay out fortunes everyyear,
to lounge on velvet, and hear the Bible amateured,
by a daintee gentleman, who handles their
sins as he would a sleeping infant.
Then, our halls ov legislatur were filled with honest
patriots; now, with clever bandits, whose courtesys
dwell upon the tips ov buoyknives, and whose
eloquence and arguments are couchant in the chambers
ov deadly revolvers.
Then, we had youths apprenticed to a honest calling,
whose indenters were diplomas; now, pale
young gentlemen, emulous ov fisick, or the law, who
are pendant to the perlews ov the courts and colleges,
watching for the falling ov a crumb.
Then, we had maidens until they had bin looked
upon bi at least 20 summers, and were modest enuff
tew pick out a husband from a skore ov earenst and
honest men, whoze very eyes had the promis ov
bread in them; now, 15 summers make a woman, (or
what we are obliged tew take for one,) and one so
ripe too, that he who fust shakes the bush, gits the
eager fruit.
Then, our literatur and learning waz drawn from
sound philosophee, or quaint proverbs ov sense, and
the fu books that prevailed was good; now, evryboddy
writes a book, and evry phool reads it; learning
is sterotiped, and wisdom iz only 12 shillings a
vollume.
Then, industry kreated wants, virtew tempered
them, and frugality supplied them; now, luxury haz
taken the plase ov industry, pride the plase ov virtew,
and extravaganse the plase ov frugality.
Then, men ware solisituss about their karakters;
now, about their pedigrees.
Then, they found health at hum; now, they hunt
for it bi travell.
Finally—if our Grand Pops should cum among us,
with the plans and precepts ov a hundred years ago,
we, in our impudence and wickedness, would be
caught laffing at them, while they, in virtuous sorrow,
would be in tears over us, and thus would be enakted
the scenes which alwus ensews when fools and sages
meet.
