13. XIII.
LETTER FROM JOSH BILLINGS.
Yu ask me “how i like the lekturing bizzness,”
and “what success i hav met with,” and “what iz the
tru natur ov the lektur i hav bin dispensing?”
Briefly thus i reply:
Two years ago I jined the band ov lekturin marters,
and hav “tramp'd—tramp'd!” ever sinse, and az
near az i kan rekolekt now, i think i kant tell.
Mi lektur iz an attempt tew be comick.
Humor iz hybrid, and iz a nice cross between
sense and nonsense.
I don't think it haz ever bin well defined: it iz
like the smell ov a flower, hard tew diskribe.
Thare iz just about az mutch real humor in the
best ov geniuses az thare iz juise in a lemmon: one
good squeeze takes it out, and thare iz nothing but
seeds and skin left.
It soon bekums hackney'd, and its authors live
prekariously for about 3 years on the fust 6 monthsov
their reputashun, and then go in their holes and
only cum out onst in a while to sun themselfs and be
stupid.
I hav known men tew tell 4 good storys, and then
spile them awl bi telling one poor one.
Thare iz nothing the world iz so slow to applaud
az success, and nothing they are so smart at diskovering
az a failure.
Mutch ov a humorist's success depends upon the
physick ov hiz aujence: a man who haz the dispepshee
fust rate laffs under protest, but if hiz dinner
rides easy you kan tickle him with a skoop-shovel.
Humor sometimes lurks in the way a thing iz ced,
and i hav seen men who carried their fun in the
wrinkles ov their face.
Nonsense ain't humor, it iz only a jest.
Humor must hav sum truth in it, and a good deal
don't hurt it.
I have seen a fust rait story spilte in being told,
and i hav seen a poor story so well told, that if the
man had applied for it he could hav had it pattented
and no questions asked.
If an aujence refuse tew be tickled, yu might az
well talk tew a grave-yard in the ded ov winter; but
if yu git them onst mellow yu kan then stick yure
thum into them anywhare.
But mi opinyun now iz that thare ain't no rule for
success with a comick lektur.
A cold-blooded philosphick lektur is just az eazy
az turning a grinstone: the aujence are obliged tew
hold their hatchets on, and they are sure tew git
ground out after a while: but you kant tell a man
when tew laff; he knows what pleazes him, just az
well az he knows what eats good; yu kant play a
burnt slapjack, nor one that ain't well dun, onto
him.
Thar ain't nothing more straining tew a humorist
than tew have tew stop and explane a joke.
I hav just got hum from Boston: i put 2
spokes into the hub at Tremont Temple the two fust
nights in Febuary: I lektured 15 nights in Massachewsetts.
I don't kno whether it waz a success or not: awl
i kno iz i felt good myself.
Humurous lekturs, without the aid ov canvass or
pantomime, are tuff tew do.
I think now i shall either git up a philosophicall
lektur on the culler ov the Red Sea, or the hump ov
the cammel's back, or quit lekturing.
I kan steal a good philosophicall lektur out ov
sum library; but these cussed humurous lekturs hav
so mutch original in them (or ought to hav) that yu
kant kalkulate on them for certain—they are like
twins, they kant be had nor they kant be stopped.
Upon the whole, az near az i kan guess, mi opinyun
iz that humor iz a natral dissease, that a man
kant ketch nor kant giv tew ennyboddy else.
