30. XXX.
OATS.
Munny has dun one thing fur the world that nothing
else could hav did so well—it has developed
the phools.
The best kind ov advice fur me tew foller is
this: “Pay tew the order ov Josh Billings 50 dollars
and charge mi akount.—John Burch.” I had
rather hav 10 Dollars ov this kind ov advice than
six hundred in Christian consolashun; there is more
sassage in it.
Although mankind worship wealth, I will give
them credit fur one thing—they seldom mistake it
fur brains.
Most aul the grate things hav bin did by taking
the chances. Prudence has but one eye, while fortune
has a thousand.
If a man has 2 stummuks and 2 outsides, thare
might be sum excuse fur adding 10 thousand dollars
more each year tew his pile.
I don't read enny boddy else's poetry but Homer's,
upon the same principle that i alwus drink,
when it is just as handy, out ov a spring, instead
ov the outlet.
Treason is one ov them kind ov stains that wash
well.
If a man has got tew be poor aul his life, I aint
sure but it would be sum munny in his pocket
tew be ignorant.
Fust class virtu is alwus anxus tew avoid temptashun.
Yu kant transplant a Yaukee suckcessfully without
taking up a good deal ov the sile with the
roots.
Originality in writing is as diffikult as gitting a
fishpole by the side ov a trout brook—aul the
good poles hav bin cut long ago.
It is easy enuff tew git religion, but tew hold
it is what bothers a fellow. A good grip is better
than rubis—yea! than mutch fine cotten cloth.
I enjoy a good laff—one that rushes out ov a
man's soul like the breaking up ov a Sunday school;
but a laff that cums tew the surface, as the hickucks
cum, or backs out ov a man, like the struggles
ov a chicken choked with a chunk ov haff
wet dough, i utterly lament.
Thare aint no poetry in poverty, but enny number
ov feet ov blank verse.
When a fellow knows he is being stared at, it
makes him act as unnatral as though he wos setting
fur his picktur.
I am called a “broad humorist,” and i am glad
ov it: thare is plenty ov narrow humorists in the
country without me.
Enny man who will kompell a woman tew make
a shirt fur 20 cents, ought tew be filled full ov
fish-hooks and be used for bait tew ketch other
sharks with.
Silence is one ov the negative virtews.
