University of Virginia Library

40. XL.
A Sermon upon the November Elections, from the
Text, “No man putteth New Wine into Old
Bottles,” with a Digression or Two.

WHEN the news uv the result of the Illinoy
election reached the Corners, there wuz a
feelin uv oneasiness wich was trooly affectin; but
when the crushin intelligence arove that Hoffman
wuz beeten in Noo York, there wuz a prostration
wich wuz only ekalled when the intelligence of
Lee's surrender reached us. We expected defeat in
Illinoy, and some uv the other States, but we hed
hopes that Noo York wood go Dimocratic, that
His Eggslency mite hev some show uv backin by
the people, and consekently some excoose for continyooin
to enforce his policy. But that hope wuz
taken from us, and uv the entire populashen, I wuz
the only one who hed suffishent stamina to preserve

the semblance uv cheerfulness, and that wuz only
on akkount uv my hevin the Post Offis. Elections
can't take that from me: it is a rock wich the
waves uv popler indignashen can't wash away,
thank the Lord! for ef they cood, how many uv us
wood to-day be holdin our places? Still, I felt
overwhelmed, and sorrowfully I entered Bascom's.
There, with their heads bowed in sorrer, and tears
flowin from their venrable eyes, sot Deekin Pogram,
Elder Slathers, and a few others uv the Saints, who,
ez I entered, mekanikally rose, and stood afore the
bar; mekanikally Bascom, who wuz likewise bowed
down with greef, sot out the invigorator; mekanikally
we dosed ourselves, and still in a daze, mekanikally
I moved out without payin, Bascom bein
too full uv sorrer to notis it.

It wuz deemed proper, in view uv the great
calamity, that services shood be held in the church,
and at 2 P. M., wich with us mite be sed to mean
post mortem, we slowly and sadly filed in, the only
smilin countenance in site bein that uv a nigger at
the door, who wuz to-wunst beltid over the head for
lookin happy.

I gave out the hymn, —

and it wuz sung with tetchin pathos. After the
weepin hed subsided, and I got my feelings calmed
down so ez to permit me to speek, I commenst
explainin to em the causes uv the result. It wuz, I
sed, a chastenin sent onto us for our sins; a stripin
becoz we hed exalted our horn in our pride; that,
gloryin in the possession uv the post offices, the
collectorships, the assessorships, and sich, we hed
become vain-glorious and puffed up, and careless in
performance uv dooties. Ther wuz niggers in Kentucky
a goin about free, and impiously settin at
naught the decrees uv Providence, wich condemned
em to be servants uv their brethren; and heer I
digressed to eloocydate a pint. I hed seen stricters
in a Boston paper onto the common practice uv
amalgamashen in the South, wich paper held up
the practis to the condemnashen uv pious men.
“My brethren,” sed I, “them Boston Ablishnists
hev no cleer understandin uv the Skripter. When
Ham wuz cust by Noar, wat wuz that cuss? `He
shel be a servant unto his brethren.' Not unto
strangers; not unto the Philistine, or the Girgeshite,
or the Millerite, but unto his brethren! How cood
he be servant unto his brethren except thro amalgamashen?
Onless we amalgamated with em, how
wood the male niggers be our brethren? O, my
brethren! we wuz obliged to do these things, that
the Skripters mite be fulfilled; and to the credit uv
the Southern people, be it sed, that they never shrunk
from the performance uv dooty. The per cent. uv
yeller niggers in this State attests how faithful Kentucky
hez bin.”

But to resoom. We hev sinned in permittin
skools to come in, and unfit um for their normal
and skriptural condishen; but these is not all. My
brethren, go to Esq. McGavitt's, and get the township
Bible, and search till yoo find this yer tex: —

My brethren, wich is the bottles? The Dimocrisey,
uv course; and the most uv em may be considered
old ones. We hev actid as bottles, carrying
about flooids — not percisely wine, but the modern
substitoot therefor — from our earliest infancy.
Wich is new wine? The Ablishnists wich follered
Johnson, uv course. New wine is frothy; so wuz
they. New wine fizzes; so did they. New wine
hez strength for a minnit; so hed they. New wine
is unreliable; so wuz they. At Philadelphy the
puttin uv this new wine into old bottles wuz accomplished;
at that accursed place anshent Dimocrisy,

wich beleeves in Ham and Hagar, met and fell onto
the nex uv Seward and Doolittle, wich invented
Ablishinism, and we mingled our teers together;
the new wine wuz put into the venerable old bottle
uv Dimocrisy, and notwithstandin we hooped it
with Federal patronage, it busted, and great wuz
the bust thereof; and the fragments uv the bottles
wuz prone onto the earth, and the new wine is
runnin round permiscus. So wuz the Skripter
fulfilled.

And, my brethren, while yoo are at the Squire's
huntin up that tex, keep on till yoo find another, to
wit: —

My hearers, Democrisy went to Philadelphy in a
soot uv gray, wich it hed bin a wearin for five
years. It wuz trooly old, and ther wuz greevious
rents in it, made mostly by bayonets, and sich. O,
why wuzn't we content to wear it? Why wuz we
not satisfied with it? Agin wuz the Skripters fulfilled.
We patched up the Confedrit gray with
Federal blue; we put onto the back, Seward; onto
the knees, Randall; onto the shoulders, Cowan;
and onto the seat, Johnson, and they wuz stitched

together with Post Offisis. But it didn't hold. The
Skripters wuz fulfilled; the old cloth wuz rotten,
and one by one patches fell off, somewhat dirtied,
and takin with em a part uv the old, and the rents
is bigger than before. Our coat is busted at the
elbows, our pants is frayed round the bottoms, out
at the knees, and from behind the flag uv distress
waveth drearily in the cold wind.

My brethren, we will succeed when we stick to
our integrity. Wat wuz the yoose uv our assoomin
what we did not hev? Wat wuz the sence uv our
askin our people to vote for Kernels for Congris
wich hed, doorin the war, drafted their sons? Wat
wuz the yoose uv talking Constooshnel Amendments
to men who spozed that Internal Improvements
and a Nashnel Bank wuz still the ishoo?
Wat wuz the yoose uv lettin go our holt on nigger
equality, wich is the right bower, left bower, and
ace uv the Democrisy, — its tower uv strength, its
anker and cheefest trust, and wich is easy uv comprehension,
and eminently adapted to the Democratic
intelleck, — and takin up questions wich will all
be settled ten years afore they begin to comprehend
em? In breef, wat wuz the sense, my brethren, in
puttin new wine into old bottles? — uv patchin old
cloth with new? Let us be warned, and never
repeet the fatle error.

The congregashen dispersed somewhat sadly, but
ez they gathered at Bascom's to discuss the sermon,
I wuz gratified at observin a visible improvement in
their temper. Bascom hisself bussled around lively;
Deekin Pogram remarked that probably it wuz
unskriptooral to put new wine into old tubs, but ez
he didn't hev an ijee that the prohibishen extendid
to new whisky, he'd resk it, bust or no bust, and he
pizened hisself very much in the old style, and
Elder Slather and Kernel McPelter so far recovered
their sperits ez to hang the nigger I menshend in
the beginnin ez lookin pleased at the church. The
Corners is rapidly gettin itself agin.