University of Virginia Library

28. XXVIII.
The Reward of Virtue. — After Months of waiting,
the Virtuous Patriot secures his Loaf. —
The Jollification.

AT last I hev it! Finally it come! After five
weary trips to Washington, after much weary
waitin and much travail, I hev got it. I am now
Post Master at Confedrit × Roads, and am dooly
installed in my new position. Ef I ever hed any
doubts ez to A. Johnson bein a better man than
Paul the Apossle, a look at my commission removes
it. If I ketch myself a feelin that he deserted us
onnecessarily five years ago, another look, and my
resentment softens into pity. Ef I doubt his Democrisy,
I look at that blessed commission, and am
reassured, for a President who cood turn out a
wounded Federal soldier, and apoint sich a man ez
ME, must be above suspicion.

I felt it wuz coming two weeks ago. I received a

cirkler from Randall, now my sooperior in offis,
propoundin these questions: —

1. Do yoo hev the most implicit faith in Androo
Johnson, in all that he hez done, all that he is doin,
and all he may hereafter do?

2. Do you bleeve that the Philadelphia Convenshun
will be a convocashen uv saints, all actuated
by pure motives, and devoted to the salvation uv
our wunst happy, but now distractid country?

3. Do yoo bleeve that, next to A. Johnson, Seward,
Doolittle, Cowan, and Randall are the four
greatest, and purest, and bestest, and self-sacrificinest,
and honestest, and righteousist men that this
country hez ever prodoost?

4. Doo yoo bleeve that there is a partikelerly hot
place reserved in the next world for Trumbull, a
hotter for Wade, and the hottest for Sumner and
Thad Stevens?

5. Do yoo approve uv the canin uv Grinnell by
Rosso?

6. Do yoo consider the keepin out uv Congris
eleven sovrin states a unconstooshnel and unwarrantid
assumption uv power by a secshnal Congris?

7. Do yoo bleeve the present Congris a rump, and
that (eleven states bein unrepresented) all their acts

are unconstooshnel and illegal, ceptin them wich
provides for payin salaries?

8. Do yoo bleeve that the Memphis and Noo
Orleans unpleasantnesses wuz brot about by the
unholy machinashens uv them Radical agitators,
actin in conjunction with ignorant and besotted niggers,
to wreak their spite on the now loyal citizens
uv those properly reconstructed cities.

9. Are yoo not satisfied that the African citizens
uv Amerikin descent kin be safely trusted to the
operations uv the universal law wich governs labor
and capital?

10. Are yoo willin to contribute a reasonable per
cent. uv yoor salary to a fund to be used for the
defeat uv objectionable Congrismen in the disloyal
states North?

To all uv these inquiries I not only answered yes,
but went afore a Justis uv the Peace and took an
affidavit to em, forwarded it back, and my commission
wuz forthwith sent to me.

There wuz a jubilee the nite it arriv. The news
spread rapidly through the four groceries uv the
town, and sich anuther spontaneous outbust uv joy
I never witnessed.

The bells rung, and for an hour or two the

Corners wuz in the wildest stait uv eggsitement.
The citizens congratoolated each other on the certainty
uv the acceshun uv the President to the
Dimocrisy, and in their enthoosiasm five nigger
families were cleaned out, two uv em, one a male
and the tother a female, wuz killed. Then a perceshun
wuz organized as follers: —

Two grocery keepers with bottles.

Deekin Pogram.

Me, with my commishun pinned onto a banner,
and under it written, “In this Sign we Conker.”

Wagon with tabloo onto it: A nigger on the
bottom boards, Bascom, the grocery keeper, with
one foot onto him, holdin a banner inscribed, “The
Nigger where he oughter be.”

Citizen with bottle.

Deekin Pogram's daughter Mirandy in a attitood
uv wallopin a wench. Banner: “We've Regained
our Rites.”

Two citizens with bottles tryin to keep in perceshun.

Two more citizens, wich hed emptyd their bottles,
fallin out by the way side.

Citizens, two and two, with bottles.

Wagon, loaded with the books and furnitur uv a
nigger skool, in a stait uv wreck, with a ded nigger

[ILLUSTRATION]

SUPPORTERS OF "MY POLICY" IN PROCESSION. Page 190.

[Description: 636EAF. Illustration page. A large parade of people carrying various signs with anti-African American, pro-slavery sentiments.]

laym on top uv it, wich hed bin captoored within
the hour. Banner: “My Policy.”

The perceshun mooved to the meetin hous, and
Deekin Pogram takin the Chair, a meetin wuz to
wunst organized.

The Deekin remarked that this wuz the proudest
moment uv his life. He wuz gratified at the appintment
uv his esteemed friend, becoz he appreciated
the noble qualities wich wuz so conspikuous
into him, and becoz his arduous services in the coz
uv Dimokrisy entitled him to the posishun. All
these wuz aside uv and entirely disconnected from
the fact that thare wood now be a probability uv his
gittin back a little matter uv nine dollars and sixty-two
cents (“Hear! hear!”) wich he hed loaned
him about eighteen months ago, afore he had
knowed him well, or larned to luv him. But thare
wuz anuther reason why he met to rejoyce to-nite.
It showed that A. Johnson meant bizness; that A.
Johnson wuz troo to the Dimokrasy, and that he
hed fully made up his mind to hurl the bolts uv
offishl thunder wich he held in his Presidenshal
hands at his enemies, and to make fight in earnest;
that he wuz goin to reward his friends — them ez
he cood trust. Our venerable friend's bein put in
condishun to pay the confidin residents uv the Corners

the little sums he owes them is a good thing
(“Hear!” “Hear!” “Troo!” “Troo!” with
singular unanimity from every man in the bildin),
but wat wuz sich considerashuns when compared to
the grate moral effect uv the decisive movement?
(“A d—d site!” shouted one grocery keeper, and
“We don't want no moral effect!” cried another.)
My friends, when the news uv this bold step uv the
President goes forth to the South, the price uv Confedrit
skript will go up, and the shootin uv niggers
will cease; for the redempshun uv the first I consider
ashoored, and the redoosin uv the latter to
their normal condishun I count ez good ez done.

Squire Gavitt remarked that he wuz too much
overpowered with emoshun to speak. For four
years, nearly five, the only newspaper wich come
to that offis hed passed thro' the polluted hands uv
a Ablishnist. He hed no partikler objecshun to the
misguided man, but he wuz a symbol uv tyranny,
and so long ez he sot there, he reminded em that
they were wearin chains. Thank the Lord, that
day is over! The Corners is redeemed, the second
Jaxson hez risin, and struck off the shackles. He
wood not allood to the trifle uv twelve dollars and
a half that he loaned the appintee some months
ago, knowin that it wood be paid out uv the first
money —

Bascom, the principal grocery keeper, rose, and
called the Squire to order. He wanted to know ef
it wuz fair play to talk sich talk. No man cood feel
a more hart-felt satisfaction at the appintment uv
our honored friend than him, showin, ez it did, that
the President hed cut loose from Ablishnism, wich
he dispised, but he protestid agin the Squire undertakin
to git in his bill afore the rest hed a chance.
Who furnisht him his licker for eight months, and
who hez the best rite for the first dig at the proceeds
uv the position? He wood never —

The other three grocery keepers rose, when Deekin
Pogram rooled em all out uv order, and offered
the followin resolutions: —

Whereas, the President hez, in a strikly constooshnel
manner, relieved this commoonity uv an
offensive Ablishunist, appinted by that abhorred
tyrant Linkin, and appinted in his place a sound
constooshnel Demokrat — one whom to know is to
lend; therefore, be it

Resolved, That we greet the President, and
ashoor him uv our continyood support and confidence.

Resolved, That we now consider the work uv
Reconstruction, so far ez this community is concerned,

completed, and that we feel that we are
wunst more restored to our proper relations with
the federal government.

Resolved, That the glorious defence made by the
loyal Democracy uv Noo Orleans agin the combined
conventioners and niggers, shows that freemen
kin not be conkered, and that white men shel rule
America.

Resolved, That, on this happy occasion, we forgive
the Government for what we did, and cherish
nary resentment agin anybody.

The resolutions wuz adopted, and the meetin
adjourned with three cheers for Johnson and his
policy.

Then came a scene. Every last one uv em hed
come there with a note made out for the amount I
owed him at three months. Kindness of heart is a
weakness of mine, and I signed em all, feelin that
ef the mere fact of writin my name wood do em any
good, it wood be crooel in me to object to the little
laber required. Bless their innocent soles! they
went away happy.

The next mornin I took possesshun uv the offis.

“Am I awake, or am I dreamin?” thought I.
No, no! it is no dream. Here is the stamps, here

is the blanks, and here is the commisshun! It is
troo! it is troo!

I heerd a child, across the way, singin, —

I woodn't, thought I. I woodn't trade places
with an angel, even up. A Offis with but little to
do, with four grocerys within a stone's throw, is ez
much happiness ez my bilers will stand without
bustin. A angel 4sooth!