University of Virginia Library

7. VII.
A Vision. — Celebration of the Anniversary of
the Taking of New Orleans. — In the Vision
the Spirit of Andrew Jackson appears, and
discourses of Various Things.

WE had sort uv a celebrashun uv the 8th day
uv Janooary at the Corners last nite. My
meetin house wuz gorgeously decorated for the occashun;
the walls bein hung with confedrit battle
flags, and on the corners of the pulpit wuz placed
two skulls uv Yankees, picked up at Andersonville
by one of the guards, who is now a loyal citizen uv
this State, residin at this pint. These skulls wuz
illuminated by placin a taller candle inside uv each
uv em. The effect wuz inspirin. The guard who
contributed em, is, I need not say, a conservative
Democrat, and in the matter uv swearing at Ablishnists
he displays more talent, and hez a more comprehensive
range uv oaths, than any man I ever

knowed. The church wuz also decorated with
mottoes, furnished by myself and others, uv wich
the followin is some uv em: —

“The Yoonyun ez it wuz — under Bookanan.”

“The noble dead uv Kentucky — them ez fell
pintin their guns north we'll alluz remember.”

“Our returned soljers — beaten, but not conkered.”

“Niggers and northern Dimocrisey — we've lost
the first; thank God, the latter is ours forever.”

I hevn't time nor space to give, in full, the perceedins
uv the evenin. Suffice it to say, at 12, precisely,
the company broke up, and sich uv em ez
were able, departed. I remained. There wuz suthin
in the refreshments wich indoost me to stay; in fact,
I coodn't conveniently get out from under the table,
where I hed fallen.

While peacefully sleepin the sleep uv innosence,
my unfettered sole went orf on a explorin expedishen
into the land uv dreams, and I dreamed.

Methawt that we wuz celebratin the anniversary
uv the battle uv Noo Orleans, on a heavier skale
than the wun just closed. We hed, at our festive
board, all the grate lites uv Dimocrisy. There wuz
Fernandy Wood and his brother Ben, and Dan
Voorhes, and the grate Valandigum and Frank

Peerce, and Bookanon hed consented to emerge
from his saint-like retirement, and meet with us.
The South wuz represented by sich noble Dimocrats
ez Yancy, and Toombs, and Wigfall; in short,
it wuz a reyoonyun uv old-time Dimocrats, met not
only to honor the memry uv Jackson, but to consult
ez to the best method uv savin the yoonyun from
the rox uv Abolishun onto wich it seems now to be
driftin.

The gileless Bookanon wuz President uv the
evenin, and Breckinridge Vice President, and toasts
wuz drank ez follows: —

“The ancient Dimocrisy — troo to the country, ez
long ez there is an office to be filled.”

Response by Fernandy Wood.

“The President uv the evenin — the last Dimocratic
President uv the Yoonited States.”

Mr Bookanan rose to respond, but he wuz overkum,
and sank back, his eyes suffoozed with tears.
In a voice broken with emoshun, he intimated that
he wuz in daily expectation uv bein translated, ez
Elijer wuz, in a barouche with two white hosses.
“White,” he repeated; “for ef the team is black, I
won't go; I'll die the nateral way fust.” “My
frends,” sed he, “keep my mantle out uv the hands
uv the Jews. Wher is the Elisha who'll wear it?”

“The yoonun ez it wuz, the constooshun ez it is,
and the nigger where he ought to be.”

Response by Breckinridge, who sed he hed bin
four years fightin the battles uv the Dimocrisy,
whose prinsiples wuz happily set forth in the sentiment.
Beeten in the field, we must fight it out at
the ballot-box. Nil despritrando must be the motto
uv the Dimocrisy.

“Androo Jaxon, the —”

As thus much uv the toast wuz read, there wuz a
clap uv thunder heard, wich shook the buildin, and
made not only the windows rattle, but the glasses to
dance on the table, and the gost uv Androo Jaxson
hisself, in the uniform uv 1812, come down through
the ceelin. There wuz a frown on his countenance,
terrible to behold. Turnin to the company, he
remarked that the gate-keeper uv hell must hev
slept at his post, for out uv no other Depository
cood there be gathered so many villianous countenances.
“I perpose,” sed he, “to respond to this
sentiment myself.” The Woods slid out uv their
seets, under the table; Breckinridge sneaked out uv
the church; Vallandigham, with his natural impudence,
tried to face it out, but one look from Androo
J. finished him, and he slid, and Bookannon tried

to git out, but Androo caught him by the collar, and
held him.

“I hev suthin to say to yoo. The chair yoo
wunst disgraced, I okkepied, called to it, ez yoo
wuz, by the voice uv the peeple. I swore to preserve
the constitooshen and the yoonyun, and so did
yoo. I did it, and yoo didn't. When South Carliny
undertook to nullify, I bustid the arrangement, becoz
I didn't propose to hev the yoonyun I fought for in
two wars go down to death, when a particle uv
pluck, put in at the right time, cood save it. Yoo
mite hev dun the same, but yoo woodent. Yoo
took the seat for the purpose of bustin it; for one
term of the Presidency yoo agreed to destroy the
Government.

“What are yoo here for?” shouted the gost in a
terribly sepulkral tone, and a stampin his feet and
grittin his teeth. “To celebrate the battle uv Noo
Orleans? Yoo stole the livery uv Jaxon to serve
Calhoon in. Under the shadder uv my name, yoor
dooing deeds wich, ef I wuz in the flesh, I'd hang
yoo for. How I wished, in '60 and '61, I cood
revisit the earth. I'd hev histed yoo out uv the seat
yoo disgraced, and never hev let Linkin hed the
credit uv puttin down a rebellion. It wood hev bin
lively for some uv yoo. I'd hev ornamented the

trees with your karkises; the Southern buzzards
wood hev grown fat on secesh korpses.

“Go back, yoo idiots — go back to your first love.
Get the wool out uv your teeth, and try to think
more uv your country than yoo do uv a yaller girl.
Yoo kin yit repent. A. Johnson, whose initials is
the same ez mine, runs over with mercy, or he
wood hev hung the half uv yoo. Repent and be
saved. There is a slite chance for yoo yit. The
dyin theef wuz pardoned on the cross, wich ought
to be encouragin to yoo, for yoo hev longer time left
in wich to repent, and the Lord knows yoo need it.
But ef yoo will go on in yer iniquity, do it on yoor
own hook. Don't take my name in vain no more.
I hevn't nothin in common with yoo, nor never had.
Yoo yoosed to follow me, the same ez a drove uv
jackals alluz follers a lion, to devour the hides, and
bones, and offal that he despises. The lion hez gone
hentz, and yoor takin his skin, and are trying to imitate
his roar. The skin hangs loose upon yoo, and
the roar is a miserable squeak. Never let me hear
of yoor celebratin any more uv my doins. I go.”

And in another clap of thunder, the gost ascendid
through the roof agin.

I awoke. A cold sweat wuz a standin on my
intellectooal brow, and a mortal shiverin shook me.

I wuz alone in the church, under the table where I
originally fell, and around me wuz skattered, in
confusion, the remnant uv the feast. I thot to myself,
ef sich wuz the effect uv a dream uv the gost
Jaxon, wat wood ensoo ef he shood be raised from
the dead, and visit the Dimocrisy in the flesh. Then
wood my prayer be continooally, “Good Lord,
deliver us.”