University of Virginia Library

36. XXXVI.
The October Elections. — The Effect the Result
produced in Kentucky.

THERE is mournin in Kentucky. The results
of the elections in Ohio, Injeany, Pennsylvany,
and Iowa reached me yesterday through a
Looisville paper, wich wuz dropped off the cars at
Secessionville, wich is the nearest station to us, and
wich, I hapnin to be there, I picked up.

Ohio — 40,000 Ablishin!

Injeany — 20,000 Ablishin!

Pennsylvany — 20,000 Ablishin!

Iowa — 30,000 Ablishin!

Ablishin! Wat a dreery waste uv Ablishin!
Not a single oasis uv Dimocrisy anywhere, — nary
Aryrat on wich our ark kin rest in safety, — but all
around us the mad waves uv Ablishnism rearin their
crestid heads muchly.

I felt it my dooty to make this fact known to my
neighbors; for, sposin that His Serene Highness'
trip wood secure us enuff deestricts to make the
next Congress safe, and consekently make us certin
uv admission, they hed been makin arrangements
for restorin things to their normal condishun, ez
they were before the war.

In fact, two weeks before, in view of the expected
success uv the Democracy, a meetin hed bin held on
the subject. Some wuz for at once seezin the niggers
wherever they cood be found, and puttin em at
work; but the conservatives overruled this. They
held that slavery hed bin abolished, and that it
ought not be restored; in fact, that, to act in good
faith, it cood not be reëstablished. Deekin Pogram
announced a plan. The town authorities shood
pass a ordinance for the proper government uv the
niggers. Their good and ourn demanded it. For
instance, they shood not be permitted to be out after
7 o'clock, P. M., in the evenin; they shoodent leave
the plantashen onto wich they wuz employed; they
shood work every day till 7; and to do away with
the pernicious work uv the Freedmen's Bureau, no
man and wife wich hed bin married by a chaplin uv
the Bureau, or by any one else, shood be employed
on the same plantashen, and also no father or mother

and child. Sich ez violated these ordinances shood
be arrested by anybody, and fined; and in default
uv payment uv the fine and costs, shood be sold to
the person who wood take his or her labor for the
shortest number uv years, and pay the fine and costs
aforesed. “Ez a conservative,” sed the Deekin, “I
sejest this plan.”

“Do yoo want to know my definition uv the word
`conservative?'” sed Joe Bigler, a returned Confederate
soljer, who, I bleeve, hez seen enough uv war.
“It's a man who goes a roundabout way to do a
devlish mean thing. Deekin, why can't yoo go to
the devil by a straight road, ez I do?”

The interupshen uv the demoralized wretch
wuzn't notist; and ez the trustees uv the township
wuz all present, the ordinance wuz passed,
and that night two thirds uv the niggers within
five miles uv the Corners wuz arrested and sold,
and within two weeks every one hed bin capcherd.

I hied me to the Corners, and the first man I saw
wuz Bascom, the grocery keeper, engaged in the
congenial biznis uv tappin a barrel uv contentment,
wich he hed just receeved. I wuz a goin to tell him
the dread intelligence, when he caught site uv me.
“Taste that, Parson,” sed he, holdin out a tin dipper

full. I drank it off, and one look at him onmand
me. “Kin I o'ercloud that smilin cheek?” thot I,
ez, in a fit uv absent-mindednis, — wich I hev every
now and then, — I held out the empty dipper to be
filled agin, wich it wuz. “No! for a time he shel
be spared;” and I borrered his mule, and rode
away pensively.

I wuz goin fust to Deekin Pogram's, for he wuz
the most interested uv eny in the settlement. After
the meetin mentioned above, the Deekin hed caused
the arrest uv sich niggers ez he cood ketch, and had
had em fined in sums uv $275 and uppards, wich
bein unable, ez a rool, to pay the fine, he hed kindly
bid em in.

He hed picked up, here and there, all uv his old
servants, ceptin those wich hed bin killed in the
army, and the few misguided ones wich hed made
their way North, and that mornin the plantashen
wuz to be reconstructed upon the old patriarkle system.
Mrs. Deekin Pogram wuz marshellin four uv
the likeliest wenches I ever saw in the kitchen; his
son Tom wuz chuckin a yaller girl under the chin,
wich hed bin born on the place about eighteen years
before, and wich, owin to a unfortunate resemblance
to the Deekin, hed caused a onpleasantnis between
him and his wife, wich endid in the loss uv the most

uv his hair, and the sellin uv the girl's mother to
Noo Orleans. The two girls hed each their waitinmaids,
and wuz a puttin them through their paces.
There hed bin some trouble in gittin em reconstructed,
it bein deemed nessary to take the conseet out
uv em, wich they wuz all a doin. Ez I rode up,
the old lady hed jest knocked one uv em down with
a fire-shovel, and wuz dancin a Highland fling onto
her prostrate body. Almira, the oldest gal, hed her
fingers in the wool uv her gal; and tother one wuz
a thumpin hern to redose her to her proper level;
and the Deekin hisself wuz a deelin with one ongrateful
wretch, who objected to bein put to work
on them terms, not realizin that the Bureau was
gone. Ez the Deekin hed a revolver he yielded the
pint, and submitted to be flogged, wich the Deekin
wuz doin ez neatly ez I ever saw, considerin he hed
bin out uv practis four years. He had him tied up
to a tree, and wuz a wollopin uv him gorjus. While
he wuz a convinsin uv him with his whip that there
wuz trooth in the Skripter, and that Ham wuz reely
a servant unto his bretherin, I exclaimed, “Stop!”
and immejitly whispered the appallin news in his
left ear (tother one hed bin chawed off in a misunderstandin
at Bascom's the previous Sunday nite,
after servis). Never shel I forgit the look uv woe
on that eminent Christian's face. The whip fell
from his nerveless hand; and with teers streemin
down his cheeks, washin up little streaks uv dirt in
the most heart-rendin manner, he gasped in a husky
voice to the wife uv his buzzum, “Cut him down,
Mirandy! The North's gone Ablishin, and the
d—d niggers will be free anyhow!” and the old
patriarch swooned away at my feet.

And sich an expression of anguish ez distorted
the face uv the Deekin's wife I hope never to see
agin. Droppin the shovel, she stood ez one petrified,
with her foot elevated in mid air, ez in the act
uv stompin, and uttering a shreek wich methinks I
hear ringing in my ears yet, she fell precisely ez she
stood, with her leg crooked ez ef 'twuz froze there.
Tom released the gal he wuz subdooin, and mountin
his horse rode off to the Corners without saying a
word; and unable to witness the distress uv that
stricken family, I made haste to mount my mule
and go to; while the niggers, feelin that they were
wunst more their own men and women, scattered in
every direction.

“Sich is the froots uv Radikelism,” murmured I.
“Sich is the bitter cup fanaticism hez put to our
lips;” and castin one lingring look at the prostrate
forms uv the Deekin, his wife (with her foot insensibly

raised), and their two gushin daughters, I
spurred the mule, and departed.

Wood that every Ablishnist in the North hed seen
that site, and wuz possessed uv a sole to appreshate
it! Then would they vote differently.