University of Virginia Library

17. XVII.
A Kentucky Tea Party. — Opinion entertained by
Mrs. Deacon Pogram of Charles Sumner. —
Discussion between Mrs. Deacon P. and an
Illinois Store-keeper of the name of Pollock. —
Miscegenation.

CHARLES SUMNER is not a very popular
man in this section uv Kentucky; on the
contrary, quite the reverse. He is known here ez
an Ablishnist; ez one who is a chief supporter uv
that hidjus sin — the infidelity, I may say, for a
man may ez well deny the whole Bible ez to cast
discredit upon Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham, onto
wich the whole system uv Afrikin slavery rests —
the origenator, therefore, uv the infidle beleef that
Slavery is not uv divine origin, wich, judgin from
the experience uv the last five years, appears to be
gainin ground in the North. He is not, therefore,
popular in this region.

Yisterday I attendid a tea party at Deekin Pogram's,
to wich the elite uv the Corners wuz present,
incloodin an Illinoy store-keeper uv the name uv
Pollock, wich hed bin invited because the Deekin
hed, some three months ago, bought a bill uv goods
uv him on ninety days' time, and wantid an extension.

While at the table enjoyin the

ez Dryden hez it, tho I bleeve, to keep off chills, in
this country, they mix three and a half parts uv
whiskey to one uv tea, the name uv Sumner wuz
mentioned.

Mrs. Pogram to-wunst remarked that she didn't
want the name uv that ojus creecher spoken at her
table.

“Why?” sed I, gratified at the ebulition.

“I hate him!” sed she, spitefully.

“So do I,” replied I; “but what hev yoo agin
him, aside from his obnoxious political opinions?”

“Didn't he marry a nigger?” sed Mrs. P.,
triumphantly. “Didn't he marry a nigger — a full-blooded
nigger? and hezn't he hed nineteen yaller
children, every one uv wich he compelled, agin
their will, to marry full-blooded niggers? Didn't
he —”

“Mrs. P.,” sed this Illinoy store-keeper, wich his
name it wuz Pollock, “do yoo object to miscegenation?”

“Missee— what?” replied she, struck all uv a
heap at the word.

“Miscegenation — amalgamation — marryin whites
with niggers.”

“Do I?” retorted she; “ketch a son uv mine
marryin a nigger! They are another race; they'r
beasts; and who'd marry em but jist sich men ez
Sumner and them other Ablishnists?”

“Then permit me to ask,” sed this Pollock, wich
wuz bound to kick up a muss, “ef ther's any race
uv pure blood in this section uv Kentucky, wich is
yaller?”

“No! uv course not,” sed Mrs. P.; “them yaller
people is mulatters — half nigger, half white.”

“And them ez is quite white — not quite, but
nearly so — about the color uv a new saddle, like
Jane, there,” sed he, pintin to a octorron girl uv 18
wich used to belong to the Deekin afore the isshooin
uv the infernal proclamashen, “like Jane, there,
wich is waitin on the Deekin, and — but, good
Lord!” sed he, startin up like a tragedian.

“Wat!” shouted the company, all startin up.

“Nothin,” sed he: “only, now that Jane's face is

in range with the Deekin's, wat a wonderful resemblance!
She hez the Pogram nose and ginral outline
uv face; not Mrs. P.'s angularity, but the Deekin
all over. My deer sir,” sed he, addressin the
Deekin, “ef she wuzn't a quadroon, I shood say she
looks enough like yoo to be yoor daughter, by a first
wife, I shood say, for she hez not, ez I remarked,
Mrs. P.'s angularity and gineral boneinis; but uv
course, she bein a part nigger, the resemblance may
be sat down ez-a-very-remarkable-coincidence!”

The Deekin turned ez white ez a sheet, and Mrs.
Pogram turned ez red ez a biled lobster, from wich
I inferred that there wuz trooth in a rumor I had
heerd about the Deekin and his wife hevin a misunderstandin
about a nigger woman and her baby,
about 18 years ago, wich resulted in his bein made
bald-headed in less than a minute, and the baby's
mother being sold South. The Illinoy store-keeper,
uv the name uv Pollock, resoomed, —

“I wuz about askin wat them niggers is ez is
nearly white?”

“Why, they'r octoroons, or seven-eighths white,”
sed Mrs. Pogram.

“And no Kentuckian ever marries a nigger?”
inquired the store-keeper, who I saw wuz pursooin
his investigations altogether too fur.

“Never!” sed Mrs. Pogram; “we leave that to
Ablishnists.”

“Well, then,” sed this Pollock, who, I spect,
wuzn't half so innsent ez he let on, “I see that yoo
hev no objection to mixin with the nigger, providin
yoo don't do it legally; that amalgamashen don't
hurt nothin, pervidin yoo temper it with adultery.
Is that the idee, Mrs. Pogram?”

Mrs. P. wuz mad, and made no reply, and Pollock
persood the subjick.

“Jane there, is, I take it, about one-eighth nigger.
She got her white blood from whites, uv course;
and ez there coodent be no marryin in the biznis,
there is proof positive in her face that the 8th commandment
hez bin violated about four times somewhere
in this vicinity, or wherever her maternal
ancestors, on her mother's side, may hev resided.
What do yoo think about it, Deekin? Ez a Christian,
woodent it be better to marry em than to add
a violation uv the commandment to the sin uv amalgamashen?
It wood redoose yoor load jest a half.”

The Deekin wuz too indignant to reply, and ez it
involved a pint altogether too hefty for his limited
intelleck, I took it up.

“My dear sir,” I remarked, “yoo don't make the
proper distinction, or, rather, yoo don't appreciate

the subjick at all. The nigger here sustains only
one character with us, — that uv a inferior bein, the
slave uv the hawty Caucashen, uv whom we are the
noblest specimens; that is, the Deekin is, he bein a
Southerner. I unfortunately wuz born in the North,
and am a hawty Caucashen only by adoption. To
marry a nigger wood be to destroy our idea uv
sooperiority, for we marry only our ekals. The
intercourse with em, the results uv wich yoo see
indications, bein outside uv the pale uv matrimony,
is not, ez yoo wood suppose, the result uv unbrideled
licentiousnis, but is merely the assertion uv our superiority.
When the lordly Caucashen (uv whom
the Deekin is wich) bids a daughter uv Ham
(wich, in the orginal Hebrew, signifies the hindquarter
uv a hog) come to him, and she doth it not,
he breaks her head, wich inculcates obedience.
One is only a slave indeed when he surrenders all
his individyooel rites. The female slave cannot be
considered ez entirely subdooed until she hez yielded
to her owner everything. To marry em wood be to
elevate em; the intercourse common among us is
not a sin, it bein merely the assertion uv that superiority
wich we claim is founded on the Holy
Scripter. See Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham.”

“Yes,” sed the Deekin, who wuz now on the

right track; “it's a assertion uv our sooperiority;
it's a dooty every white man owes to his class, and
I, for one, will alluz —”

“Let me ketch yoo at it, Gabe Pogram,” shouted
Mrs. P., “and I'll give you sich a cat-haulin ez yoo
never — drat yoor sooperiority, and yoor Ham, and
yoor Caucashen. Niggers is niggers, and —”

Noticin that Mrs. Pogram hedn't quite arrived at
the proper pitch uv self-sacrifice, I turned the discussion
onto Sumner agin, ez a subjick upon wich
they cood all agree.

I learned that his father wuz a Dutch grocery-keeper,
and his mother an Irish washer-woman;
that he run away from home at the tender age of 8,
after murderin, in cold blood, his grandparents, one
uv wich wuz a Jew and tother a Chinese; that he
wuz apprenticed to the shoemakin biznis, and hed
cut the throat uv his boss and his wife, and immersed
the younger children into a biler uv scaldin
water, where they were found mostly dead seven
hours afterward; that he acquired wealth a sellin
lottry tickets and brass clocks, et settry. His servants
wuz redoost Southern gentlemen wich he hed
swindled into his debt, and wich, under the laws uv
Massychoosits, coodent git away, and that his intimate
friends and associates wuz niggers, with wich

he sot long at the festive board, and drunk champane;
that Lucresha Mott wuz his sister, Anna
Dickinson his daughter, Fred Douglas his half-brother,
and that he kissed, habitually, every nigger
child he met, and frowned so severially onto white
children ez to throw em into spasms, and other
items uv information uv wich, livin in the North, I
wuz ignorant. Ez I remarked, he isn't popular
down here, and cood hardly be elected to Congris
from this Deestrick. The tea party broke up shortly
after, Pollock winkin at me villainously ez he left
the house, feelin good to think how he hed opened
a old sore. That Pollock needs watchin.