University of Virginia Library

9. IX.
Enjoys a Vision of the Next World, seeing therein
many Curious Things, which are published as
a Warning to Politicians.

LAST nite I retired to my virtoous couch, at
precisely half past eleven, after eatin a rather
light supper for that time uv night. I alluz make it
a pint to eat light in the evenin, for I'm gittin old,
and my digestive faculties ain't what they was when
I wuz young. Alas! we who hev lived out the
best part uv our days, wat wood we give to be set
back to the time when, with our faculties unimpaired,
we cood consoom a good square meal without
fear uv consekenses! But

I paid my respecks to 2 mince pies, a pair uv
pig's feet, some cold tongue, and a plate uv tripe,

[ILLUSTRATION]

NASBY'S DREAM OF THE FUTURE OF DEMOCRACY. Page 67.

[Description: 636EAF. Illustration page. A man floats in the water with the words "STATES RIGHTS" inscribed on his clothing. Two other objects with the words "PERJURY" and "TREASON" float in the water beside him. A large group, some humans, some winged bat-like creatures, are gathered around the edge of the water.]

follered by a half dozen dough nuts and a couple or
more uv glasses uv hot whisky punch; and singler
ez it may seem, it didn't set well. I dreamed all
night, and my dreams wuznt at all pleasant. Methawt
I hed deceest, and wuz in the next world. It
was a singler site that met my vision. The dividin
line atween this world and the next wuz a swift
stream uv water, and every deceest spirit hed to
cross it. The water wuz suthin like that uv the
Dead Sea. A man, unencumbered with anything,
cood walk on it, but they sunk down in it if they
wuz loaded, accordin to what they hed to carry.
On the tother side uv this Jordan wuz heaven; the
dominions uv his majesty Satan the 1st wuz below,
and to it a strong under current flowed, which took
all them ez wuz too heavy loaded to keep their
chins above water.

On the bank stood more than two millions uv
little devils, who flung onto the shoulders uv them
tryin to cross their failins, and weaknesses, and
iniquities.

General Breckinridge wuz the first that I saw
enter the flood. He hed on a life preserver, labelled
“States Rights,” but a peert little devil stuck a pin
into it, and it collapsed, the gas with wich it wuz
filled smellin horribly. Down he went, and ez he

sunk, they commenced peltin him with packages
labelled “Treason,” “Perjury,” and “Murder,” and
John C. went under.

Old James Buckanon went next. The old gentleman
didn't keep above water as long ez a able
bodied man could hold a bar uv red hot iron in his
hand. He made one splash, when a weight labelled
“Treason” struck him, and down he went. The
gentlemanly and urbane devil who had him in
charge had a big pile more uv ammunition to discharge
at him, but that one wuz sufficient.

Vallandigham come next. I wuz surprised to see
no one make a motion at him, but he sunk all the
same. “We never waste effort,” sed Satan to me;
“he carries enough natural cussedness about him,
all the time, to sink him, without pilin any devilment
on his shoulders wich is ten days old.”

Frank Peerce made his appearance, but declined
to enter. He wuz immediately seezed, and on each
leg wuz tied a weight labelled “Kansas,” and they
flung him in. He went down like a shot, and that's
the last I seed uv him.

Garret Davis went in, and to my surprise, passed
over safely. Nothin wuz flung at him, for wich I
asked the reason.

“Why,” sed Satan, “the poor old man isn't accountable.

He commenced to talk many years ago,
and keeps on talkin because he really don't know
when to stop. I could hev sunk him, but the fact
is, I woodent endoor what the Senit uv the Yoonited
States hez hed to, for the past few years, for a
dozen uv Tombs lawyers. Besides this, I'm gettin
more from Kentucky now than I am really entitled
to. I've a mortgage on two-thirds uv that State.”

Fernandy and Ben Wood come up rather bold,
and entered the flood ez though they were sure uv
goin through all right. With a inimitable chuckle,
Satan motioned away the inexperienced devils, and
sed, “Leave em to me,” and at Ben he hurled a
package uv the New York News, wich swashed
him down instanter. Jest ez Fernandy wuz beginnin
to reach the other shore, he flung onto him
an assortment uv weights, labelled “Lotteries” and
“Riots,” which took him down to the arm pits, and
finished by tumblin onto him a mass, onto wich wuz
written “Mayoralty,” and down he went; at wich
His Majesty drew a sigh uv relief.

Seein the style uv the men who sunk, I remarked
unto him, —

“This war hez bin a rather profitable thing for
you.”

“Nothin to speek uv,” sed he. “The leaders uv

the Southerners were, sum uv em, honest, and got
through on that account, and the rank and file were
ignorant wretches, who ain't accountable, no how.
The leading copperheads uv the North were mine,
anyhow, from the beginnin. Any man who cood
sympathize with the rebels in sich a struggle, must,
yoo will acknowledge, hev hed a long career uv iniquity
to fit em for sich a sin. Why,” sed he, “do
yoo think I use all the shot I hev? Not any. Them
yoove seen piled on were used because, bein the
last, they were on the top uv the pile.

“Any quantity uv yoor party escaped me. Them
fellows who are yet votin for Jackson I'll never git,
and the most uv them ez alluz votes unscratched
tickets will dodge me. Their innocence protects
em. It takes a modritly smart man to be vishus
enuff to come to me; he hez to hev sense enuff to
distinguish between good and evil, cussednis enuff
to deliberately choose the latter, and brains enuff to
do suthin startlin in that line. Dan Voorhees, uv
Injeany, hez all these qualities developed to a degree
wich excites my profound respect. Between him
and Fernandy Wood its nip and tuck. Fernandy
did wicked things with more neatnis than Voohees,
but for a actual love uv doin em Voohees beets the
world. I sed,” continued he, “that the war wuzn't

uv much yoose to me. I repeat it; it wuz a damage.
Afore the war, I hed my own way, pretty
much, in the Southern States. For every octoroon,
I cood count on at least two planters, and under the
patriarkle system uv Afrikin slavery (wich, by the
way, wuz one uv my most brilliant consepshuns),
octooroons multiplied with a rapidity pleasin to behold.
But now, alas! the octooroon bizness is done,
and my best holt is gone. I hev some little hope,
however. The Dimocrisy are displayin a vigger I
didn't think they possest. Ef they kin only git
strength enuff to elect the next President and reestablish
slavery! The thought fills me with unutterable
joy. The redoosin of the nigger to bondage
agin wood give me a clean title to evry last one who
helped to do it, and in gittin em back into their normal
condishun (by the way, that's another phrase
uv mine), ther'd be enuff slaughterin and murders to
satisfy several sich Satans ez I am. I'd help em ef
I knowd how, but I can't improve on either their
speekers or writers, and ez long ez men will do my
work gratis, I don't see the yoose uv interferin.”

At this pint a couple uv small imps undertook to
push me into the stream, and in the struggle, I
awoke. My dreem wuz o'er, but the impreshun
remained. “Kin it be,” mused I, pensively, “that

we are doin the devil's work, and are we to be
finally rewarded in the manner I saw in my vision?
Ef so, hedn't I better quit and repent?”

But I thought agin, that however it mite be for
younger men, it wood be uv no yoose for me. I
hed voted the strait ticket for thirty years, and the
ten or twelve years I hed to live wuz too short a
time in which to repent successfully uv sich iniquity.
So I sank into sleep agin, this time dreemin that I
had turned Fenian — hed elected myself Hed Center
for the Stait uv Kentucky, and wuz just investin
$75,000 in a magnificent plantashun.