University of Virginia Library

11. XI.
The Situation. — The Attempt of the President
to wheedle Democrats into Supporting his
Policy without giving them the Offices commented
upon. — The Democracy warned.

I HEV had hopes uv Androo Johnson. My waitin
sole hez bin centred onto him for a year back.
He wuz the Moses wich I spected wood lead the
Democrisy out uv the desolate Egypt into which we
hev bin making bricks without straw for five long
weary and dreary years. O, how I hev yearned
for Johnson! O, how I hev waited, day after
day, and week after week, and month after month,
for some manifestation uv Dimocrisy wich is satisfactory
— suthin tangible — suthin that I cood take
hold on.

Faith is the substance uv things hoped for, and the
evidence of things not seen; wich is all right so fur

ez religion ez concerned, but uv no account in politix.
A friend uv mine, who wuz a monomaniack
on the subjick uv faith, undertook to live on it, under
the insane belief that ef a man had faith pork
wuz unnecessary. Wuz the experiment a success?
Not any. When he commenst the trial he weighed
200; in a week he wuz down to 125; and in fourteen
days he slep in the valley!

I hev bin livin on faith for a year or more, and I
too am thin. My bones show; light shines through
me; I am faint and sick. Oh, for suthin that I can
see and feel — suthin solid!

Our Dimocratic noosepapers are supportin Androo
Johnson. They claim that his polisy is our
polisy; that he is ourn, and we are hizn. They are
singin hosanners to him. At his every act they exclaim
Halleloogy! in chorus. What is it all about?
In what partikeler hez Androo Johnson showed hisself
to be a Dimokrat? In the name uv Dimocrisy
let me ask, “Where is the offices?” Who's
got em? What is the politikle convickshuns uv the
wretch who is post master at the Corners, and who
only last nite refused, in the most heartless manner,
to trust me for postage stamps? Who is the Collectors,
the Assessors, et settry? Are they constitooshnel
Dimokrats? Is Stanton, and Seward, and

Welles histed out uv the cabinet, and Vallandigum,
and Brite, and Wood apinted in their places? Not
onct. Every post master, every collector, every assessor,
every officer, is a ablishinist, dyed deeply
and in fast colors.

Faith without works is a weak institution; its
like a whisky punch with the whisky omitted, wich
is a disgustin mixter uv warm water and sugar.
What is it to me (who hev bin ready to accept any
position uv wich the salary wuz sufficient to maintain
a individooal uv simple habits) who is beheaded,
so ez I don't get a place? Androo Johnson may cut
off offishl heads ez dexterously and proofoosely ez
he chooses; but my sole refuses to thrill when I
know that Ablishnists, though uv a different stripe,
will be apinted. So long ez Dimocrats are kept
out, what care I who hez the places? Paul may
plant and Apollus water; but uv what account
is the plantin and waterin to me ef I don't get the
increase? I take no delight in sich spectacles. Ef
Androo Johnson proposes to be a Dimockrat, — ef
he desires the honest, hearty support of the party, —
let him seel his faith with works.

I visited Washington with the express purpose uv
seein the second Jackson. I am a frank man, and I
laid the matter afore him without hesitation. I told

him that the Postmaster at the Corners wuz opposin
his policy and aboosin him continually; that it wuz
a outrage that men holdin place under the Administration
should not sustain the Administration. In
the name uv Right, I demanded a change.

I sposed that to wunst the position would be offered
to me; and after protestin a sufficient time
that I did not wish it, and would prefer the apintment
of some more worthy man, I should accept it,
and go home provided for three years. Imagine my
deep, my unutterable disgust, when he told me that
he wood investigate the matter, and probably wood
make a change, provided he could find, in the
vicinity, some original Union man who would
accept the place!

Then the iron entered my soul. Then I felt that
in him we had no lot nor part.

Our principles are uv a very comprehensive nature.
We are willin to endorse Andro Johnson, or
any other man. We will endorse his theories uv
Reconstruction, or any man's theories. We are
elastic, like Injy rubber. The boy who set a hen on
a hundred eggs acknowledged to his maternal parent
that she could not kiver em; but he remarked
he wanted to see the old thing spred herself. We
have that spreadin capacity. We kin accommodate

the prejudices uv the people uv all the various localities.
In Connecticut we are singin John Brown's
body lies a mouldrin in the grave, in a modritly loud
tone, and supporting a Ablishnist who voted for
doin away with slavery in the District of Columby
and for the Constooshnel Amendment. In Kentucky
we are hangin men uv the John Brown style,
and mobbin all uv the persuasion uv the Connecticut
nominee. Sich a variety uv principle, — a party uv
sich adaptibility, — kin hev but one great central
idee, on wich there is no diversity uv opinion, and
to which all other ideas is subordinate. That idea
is Post Office! and ef Androo Johnson could be
got rite on that question, we'd care not wat else he
required uv us.

We hev our arms around Androo. We are huggin
him to our buzzums; but he hez left his baggage
to hum. That baggage is wat we want; and we
shel fling him off shortly, onless he changes his
policy in this respeck. He kin hev us on easy
terms; but he must furnish the ammunishun with
which to fight his battles. Will he do it? That's
the question a hundred thousand hungry soles, who
hanker even ez I do, are daily askin.