University of Virginia Library

31. XXXI.
The Presidential Tour Continued. — From Detroit
to Indianapolis.

I AM at home, and glad am I that I am at home.
Here in Kentucky, surrounded by Dimicrats, immersed
a part of the time in my offishel dooties, and
the balance uv the time in whiskey, with the privilege
uv wallopin niggers, and the more inestimable
and soothing privilege uv assistin in mobbin uv
Northern Ablishnists, who are not yet all out uv
the State, time passes pleasantly, and leaves no vain
regrets. I alluz go to bed nites, feeling that the day
hez not bin wasted.

From Detroit the Presidential cavalcade, or ez
the infamous Jacobin Radical party irrevelently
term it, the menajery, proceeded to Chicago. The
recepshuns his Imperial Highniss received through
Michigan were flatterin in the extreme. I continue
my diary:

Ipslanty. — At this pint the President displayed
that originality and fertility uv imaginashun karacteristic
uv him. The recepshun wuz grand. The
masses called for Grant, and His Highness promptly
responded. He asked em, ef he was Judis Iskariot
who wuz the Saviour? Thad Stevens? If so, then
after swingin around the cirkle, and findin traitors
at both ends of the line, I leeve the 36 States with
36 stars onto em in yoor hands, and —

The train wuz off amid loud shouts uv “Grant!
Grant!” to wich the President responded by wavin
his hat.

Ann Arbor. — At this pint the train moved in
to the inspiring sounds uv a band playin “Hale to
the Cheef,” and vocifrous cries uv “Grant! Grant!”
His Majesty smilinly appeared and thanked em for
the demonstration. It was soothin, he remarked.
The air their band wuz playin, “Hail to the Chief,”
wuz appropit, ez he wuz Chief Magistrate uv the
nashen, to wich posishen he hed reached, hevin bin
Alderman uv his native village, U. S. Senator,
etsettry. The crowd hollered “Grant! Grant!” and
the President thanked em for the demonstration. It
showed him that the people wuz with him in his
efforts to close his eyes on a Union uv 36 States and
a flag uv 36 stars onto it. Ef I am a traitor, sed he,

warmin up, who is the Judis Iscariot? Ez I'm
swingin around the cirkle, I find Thad Stevens on
the one side and Jeff Davis on the —

The conductor cruelly startid the train, without
givin him time to finish.

The crowd proposed three cheers for Grant, and
the President waved his hat to em, sayin that he
thanked em, showing as it did that the people wuz
with him.

Battle Creek. — A large number was assembled
here, who, ez the train stopped, yelled “Grant!
Grant!” Affected to tears by the warmth uv the
reception, the President thanked em for this mark
of confidence. Ef he ever hed any doubts ez to the
people's being with him, these doubts wuz removed.
He wood leave in their hands the flag and the Union
uv 36 States, and the stars thereto appertaining. Ef
he wuz a Joodis Iskariot who wuz —

The crowd gave three hearty cheers for Grant ez
the train moved off, to wich the President responded
by wavin his hat.

Kalamazoo. — The offishels were on hand at
this pint, and so wuz the people — 4 offishels and
several thousand people, which the latter greeted
us with cheers for Grant! Grant! The President
responded, sayin, that in swingin around the cirkle,

he hed bin called Joodis Iskariot for sacrificin uv
hisself for the people! Who wuz the Saviour?
Wuz Thad Stevens? No! Then cleerly into yoor
hands I leave the Constitution uv 36 stars with
36 States onto em, intact and undissevered.

The offishels received the stars and States, and
amid cheers for Grant, for which the President
thanked em, the train glode off magestically.

And so on to Chicago, where we didn't get off
our speech, though from the manner in wich the
people hollered Grant! Grant! we felt cheered at
realizin how much they wuz with us. His eminence
wanted to sling the 36 States and the flag with the
stars at em, but ez General Logan wuz there, ready
to fling em back, it wuz deemed highly prudent not
to do it.

Here my trials commenst. At the Biddle House,
in Detroit, the nigger waiters showed how much a
African kin be spiled by bein free. They hed the
impudence to refoose to wait on us, and for a half
hour the imperial stumick wuz forced to fast. This
alarmin manifestation uv negro malignancy alarmed
His Eggsalency. “Thank God!” sed he, “that I
vetoed the Freedmen's Buroo Bill. I hev bin
Alderman uv my native town — I hev swung
around the entire cirkle, but this I never dreemed

uv. What would they do if they hed their rites?”
The insident made an impression onto him, and at
Chicago he resolved to trust em no longer. He
ordered his meals to his room, and sent for me.
“My friend,” sed he, “taste evrything onto this
table.”

“Why? my liege,” sed I.

“Niggers is cooks,” sed he, “and this food may
be pizoned. They hate me, for I ain't in the Moses
bizness. Taste, my friend.”

“But spozn,” sed I, “that it shood be pizoned?
Wat uv my bowels? My stomick is uv ez much
valyoo to me ez yourn is to yoo.”

“Nasby,” sez he, “taste! Ef yoo die, who
mourns? Ef I die, who'd swing around the cirkle?
Who'd sling the flag and the 36 stars at the people,
and who'd leave the Constooshn in their hands?
The country demands the sacrifice; and besides, ef
yoo don't, off goes yoor offishl head.”

That last appele fetched me. Ruther than risk
that offis I'd chaw striknine, for uv what akkount
is a Dimokrat, who hez wunst tasted the sweets
uv place, and is ousted? And from Chicago on I
wuz forced to taste his food and likker — to act
ez a sort uv a litenin-rod to shed off the vengeance
uv the nigger waiters. I wood taste uv every dish

and drink from each bottle, and ef I didn't swell up
and bust in 15 minits His serene Highness wood
take hold. I suffered several deaths. I resoom
my diary:

Joliet. — The crowd wuz immense. The peasantry,
ez the train approached, rent the air with
shouts uv “Grant!” “Grant!” His Potency, the
President, promptly acknowledged the compliment.
He was sacrificin hisself for them — who hed made
greater sacrifices? He hed bin Alderman uv his
native town, and Vice-President; he wuz too
modest to make a speech; but ef he wuz Joodas
Iskariot, who wuz the Saviour? He hed swung
around the cirkle, and hedn't found none so far.
He left in their hands the —

And so on, until near St. Louis, when we penetrated
a Democratic country, uv wich I informed his
Majesty. “How knowest thou?” sez he. “Easy,”
sez I. “I observe in the crowds a large proportion
uv red noses, and hats with the tops off. I
notice the houses unpainted, with pig pens in front
ov em; and what is more, I observe that crowds
compliment yoo direct, instead of doin it, ez heretofore,
over Grant's shoulders. The Knights uv the
Golden Cirkle, wich I spect is the identical cirkle
yoo've bin swingin around lately, love yoo and
approach yoo confidently.”

The President brisked up, and from this to Indianapolis
he spoke with a flooidity I never observed in
him before. I may say, to yoose a medikle term,
that he had a hemorrhage uv words. At the latter
city our reception was the most flatrin uv eny we
have experienced. The people, when the President
appeared on the balcony uv the Bates House,
yelled so vociferously for Grant, that the President,
when he stepped forward to acknowledge the
compliment, coodent be heard at all. He waved
his hat; and the more he waved it the more
complimentary the crowd became. “Grant!”
“Grant!” they yelled; and the more the President
showed himself the more they yelled Grant,
until, overpowered by the warmth uv the recepshun,
and unwillin to expose his health, the President
retired without slingin a speech at em, but entirely
satisfied that the people wuz with him.

The next mornin the office-holders uv the State,
without the people, assembled, and he made his
regler speech to em, wich appeared to be gratifyin
to both him and them. The President does not like
to sleep with a undelivered speech on his mental
stumick. It gives him the nitemare.

Here I left the party, for a short time, that I mite
go home and attend to my official dooties. There is

five Northern families near the Corners wich must
hev notice to leave, and eight niggers to hang. I
hed orders to report to the party somewhere between
Looisville and Harrisburgh, wich I shall do, ez,
travelin by order, I get mileage and sich.