University of Virginia Library

39. XXXIX.
A Cabinet Meeting. — Letters from Rev. Henry
Ward Beecher, General Custar, Henry J. Raymond,
and Hon. John Morrissey, each anxious to
Preserve his Reputation. — A Sad Time at the
White House.

I WUZ called to Washington by our patron Saint,
the President, to comfort his wounded sperit.
There ain't no disguisin the fact, — the sperit of Androo
Johnson is wounded. He hez endoored the
slings and arrers uv more outrajus fortune than any
other man who hez lived sence the days uv Hamlick;
more, indeed, than Hamlick endoored, twict
over. Hamlick's father wuz pizoned, and his mother
married agin afore her mournin clothes wuz wore
out — suthin no savin, prudent woman would do;
but what wuz that to wat A. Johnson endoors every
day? Nothin.

The cabinet meetin to wich I wuz summoned wuz
called for the purpose uv sheddin a tear or two
over the election returns, and to consider a variety
uv letters wich His Eggscellency hed receeved
within a few days. I may remark that the cabinet
hed a gloomy and mildewed look.

The fust wuz from Rev. Henry Ward Beecher.
Mr. Beecher remarked that he had the highest possible
respeck for the offis wunst held by the good
Washinton, the great Adams, and the sainted Linkin.
He omitted remarkin anythin about Peerce
and Bookanan, out uv regard for the feelins uv the
present incumbent, wich, ef he hed read History
correct, wuz a ardent supporter uv the Administrashens
uv both of them men, wich he considered
stains upon the pages uv American history wich he
cood wish mite be obliterated. But wat he desired
to say wuz, that he hed a higher regard for the good
opinion uv mankind in general than he hed for the
good opinion uv the accidental incumbent uv any
offis; and ez he hed, in a hour uv temporary mental
aberrashen, wich hed happily passed, endorsed the
Administrashen, wich insanity hed worked evil unto
him, he rekested, ez a simple act uv justice, that
the President shood cause it to be known that he

(Beecher) wuz not considered by the Administrashen
ez a supporter thereof.

“I do this,” sed the writer, “becoz the impression
that I am in the confidence uv yoor Eggslency, wich
is onfortunately abroad, hez seriously DAMAGED MY
REPUTASHEN.

“Trooly yoors,” et settry.

The readin uv this letter wuz follered by a minit
uv profound silence, wich wuz broken by the President.

“Let him pass,” sed the great man who hez the
despensin uv the post offisis, “let him pass. But
here is another,” sed he, bustin into teers; “read
that.”

It wuz from Gen. Custar, him uv the yaller hair,
wich hed some reputashen doorin the war ez a cavalry
commander. It wuz to the same effect. He
hed, when he spozd that the policy uv the President,
wich he esteemed ez he must any man who held the
exalted position wunst okkepied by the good Washinton,
the great Jefferson, and the sainted Linkin
—

“The ongrateful dog doesn't respect ME!” sed
Androo; “it's the offis I fill;” and he bust into
a fresh flood.

— When he spozed the President's policy wuz
sich ez a soljer and patriot cood endorse, he endorsed
it. But he diskivered that it led him, back
foremost, into company wich, doorin the late war,
he hed alluz visited face foremost and on hossback;
and therefore, to SAVE HIS REPUTASHUN, he must
beg that the President wood give it out that he
(Gen. Custar) wuz not, nor never hed bin, a supporter
uv his policy, and oblige

Yoors trooly, ez before.

I wuz too hart-broken at this to make any reply,
and Cowan and Doolittle wuz in the same fix.
The Kernelcy wich wuz given to Custar to keep
him in posishen hed bin promised to a Demokratic
captin, who wuz led by a company in the first Bull
Run fight, and who threw up in disgust the next
day, not likin the manner in wich the war wuz bein
conducted; but now the Kernelcy wuz gone, and
Custar too; and wat wuz worse, there wuz no sich
thing to be thot uv ez dismissin him. The entire
company yoonited in minglin their teers.

The next letter wuz read by Seward, ez it wuz
addressed to him. It wuz from Raymond. He
opened with the remark that for the Presidential
office he hed the highest respeck. Aside from the

considerashen that it hed bin wunst okkepied by the
good Washinton, the great Adams, and the sainted
Linkin, the President mite be considered the Father
of his country, hevin so large a number of helpless
children to provide for; and besides, he hed a instinctive
respeck for the dispenser of anything. It
wuz difficult for him, bein a open and simple-minded
man, not to adhere to the President; but —

“Good Heavens!” shreeked Johnson, “that little
fox ain't a goin to speak uv HIS reputashen!”

“Dooty requires the reedin uv the entire dockeyment,
painful to my feelins ez it may be,” sed Seward.
“He concloods thusly: —

“`I am forced to ask yoo, ez one enjoyin confidenshel
relations with Him who occupies the Presidenshel
chair, to hev it given out that I stand in
opposition to him. A doo REGARD FOR MY REPUTASHEN
impels me to this course. I remain

“`Yoors Trooly.'”

There wuz 2 or three more. Gen. Carey uv
Ohio, requested the President to remove him from
his Collectorship, ez the holdin uv it wuz INJOORIN
HIS REPUTASHEN. A editor out West, who wuz
sedooced into takin a Post Offis, begged to hev it
taken off his hands, that he might save his circulashen

before it wuz everlastinly too late. And finally
we come to wun, the seal uv wich wuz a coat-uv-arms
— bull dog rampant, bowie-knife couchant,
supported by trottin horses, on a field uv green cloth.
It wuz from Hon. John Morrisey, who hed jest
ben elected to Congress in Noo York.

Mr. Morrisey remarked that, ez one uv the pillars
uv the Democrasy, he felt he hed a rite to speek.
He wished it to be understood that he washed his
hands uv any connection with Johnson or his party.
He hed seed a lite. In States where the Democrasy,
uv wich he wuz a piller, hed tied themselves to
Johnson, they hed gone down to a prematoor grave.
Respeck for the high offis restrained him from sayin
that the Democrasy coodent carry sich a cussid
load; but he wood say that the result uv the election
in Noo York, where they dependid solely on muscle
and nigger, wich is the reel Democratic capital, and
succeeded, while where the Democrasy wuz loaded
down with Johnsonianism, they failed, satisfied him
that the President wuz a inkubus. He sed this with
all doo respeck for the offis. Mr. Morrisey further
remarked that he hed also personel reasons for
makin this request. He commenced in a humble
position, and hed filled the public eye long enuff to
satisfy his modist ambishen. He hed walloped Sullivan

and Heenan; he hed owned the fastest horses,
and won more money at faro than any man in
Amerika. His ambishen wuz satisfied, so fur ez he
wuz concerned; but he hoped to leave behind him,
for his infant son (wich wuz only twelve years uv
age, and wich hed a development uv intelleck and
muscle remarkable for one so tender, havin already
walloped every boy in the skool to wich he wuz a
goin), he desired to leave that son a honorable
name. It hed bin given out that he wuz a supporter
uv the individooal who okkepied the Presidenshel
offis, and it wuz injoorin him. He wished
that stigma removed. A regard for his reputashen
forced him to insist upon it.

And this epistle wuz dooly signed,

his
John × Morrissey, M. C.
mark.

There wuz silence in the Cabinet. This last
stroke intensified the gloom wich hed settled onto
the Government; and ez I turned my tear-be-dewed
eyes, I saw the great drops coursin down
the cheeks uv every one present. Mr. Seward retired
without sayin anythin about ninety days, and
one by one they all departed.

It wuz a solemn time. There wuz other letters

yet to be read, but no one hed the heart to open em.
I made a move in that direckshun, but Androo prevented
me. “I'm sick,” murmured he, in a husky
voice, which showed that his hart wuz peerced.
“Help me to bed.” I saw the great man bury his
intellectool head beneath the snowy kivrin uv his
oneasy couch, all but the nose, which in him is the
thermometer uv the sole, and which accordinly
glowed, not with the yoosooal brilliant hue, but
with a dull, dead, and ghastly bloo. Noticin the
convulsive heavins uv the kivers, which betrayed
the agitashen uv the breast beneath, I whispered in
his ear, ez I handed him his nite drink uv rye whisky
flavored with bourbon, that he hed one hold, ez
Delaware hed sustained him. A flush uv satisfaction
passed over his nose, but it subsided in an instant.
“Troo,” gasped he, “it's ourn now; but
before the next election a couple uv them Massachoosits
ablishnists will buy the cussid State, and
re-people it to soot em;” and he gave a convulsive
gasp, and sank into a troubled slumber.

It wuz a tetchin occasion.