40. XL.
TRIES AN EXPERIMENT.
Church uv the Slawterd Innocents, }
(Lait St. Vallandigum,) December the 25th, 1863.
Mankind is the most perverse and onrezonable
beins uv the human family. Wile they assent 2
a principple, they never will put it into practis
ef it bares hard onto em ez indivijjles; to-wit:
I had bin for sevral weeks deliverin a coarse
uv lekters on the divinnity uv slaivry. I argood
that the institooshn wuz based upon the infeeriority
uv wun man 2 another; that it wuz not only
a wise but a bootiful pervision uv nacher that the
strong shood hev charge uv the week, a guidin
and protektin and a workin uv em. The idee
plezd my congregashen vastly, and fifteen or
twenty uv the strongest perposed that it shood
be put into practis, jest 2 show the world that
the grate doctrine cood be carried out jest as well
in the North as in the South; to wich I assented
to wunst, and at the next biznis meetin, the follerin
plan wuz adoptid: The members uv the congregashen
shood try ther strength, and them as
cood lift 600, shood own and possess, in fee-simple,
all them ez coodent.
The trial wuz hed, the divizshen made, and I
wuz happy at bein the umble instrooment uv
plantin the grate institooshen on Northrin sile.
But, alas! owin 2 the perversity uv the human
mind aforesaid, it dident work. Old John Podhammer
razd his 600 with the gratest eaze, wile
Bill Sniffles, who wuz a workin for him for 12
dolars a munth, coodent fetch it. Podhammer
went over to Bill's cabin the next mornin, and
sez he:
“Wilyum, frum this time, hentz4th and furever,
yoo air my man. As all a slaiv has is his
master's, the 18 dolers I owe yoo, or that I did
owe yoo afore this blessid system wuz establisht,
I shel keep, and as yoo hev more furnytoor than
befits yoor lowly condishen, I will send a team
over to-morrer, and taik yer bewrow and stand
and bedstids up to my house; and”—
At this junctur in cums Mrs. Sniffles, who kin
lift 600, with old Podhammer on the top uv it,
and it wuz no time afore she diskivered wat his
biznis wuz. She turnd red in the face. Said she:
“Yoor goin to take my furnytoor?”
“Certingly.”
“And we air yoor slaivs?”
“Uv coarse.”
“And yoo kin sell my children?”
“Naterally.”
“And yoo kin maik me yoor conkebine?”
“Ef I wish.”
“Yoo old beest!” shreekt the infooriated femail
chattel, forgettin her normal condishn. “You sell
my babies! You taik my furnytoor! Drat ye, I 'll
giv ye sum uv it now!” whereupon she hurled a
chare, wich laid him prostrait on the flore, wen
she pickt him up, and flung him out the dore.
It did not end here. Podhammer hed in his
hand a patch-work coverlid, wich he thot he
wood taik with him, and wen he cum to, he
walked off with it, whereupon Mrs. Sniffles hed
him took up on a charge uv steelin, and he wuz
actooally tride, found gilty, and sent to jail for 30
daze. How kin we establish Dimekratik institooshens
wen the courts won't recognize the laws
of nacher?
The experiment, for the present, hez the apperentz
of a failyer.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
