93. XCIII.
“DREAMS A DREAM.”
Saint's Rest, (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey, }
July the 21st, 1865.
Dreems is becomin the most commonest recreation
I hev. I don't know whether these dreems
is the sperit uv prophecy, sugar-coated with sleep,
or whether they are sooperindoost by the reglar
three-quarters uv a pound uv tripe I eat at about
11½ P. M.; but dreems I hev
Last nite I dreemed that I hed bridgd time,
and wuz set ahead about nine months, wich time
brings forth events in pollytiks, ez well ez in other
things too tejus to menshun.
Methot the South hed bin consilliatid and reconstructid,
and hed cum back into the sisterhood
uv Staits, ez sisters ginrally cum back after a
quarrel. South Carliny wuz representid in the
house by Ginral Swasher, and all the Rhetts, et
settry, and Missippy by a dozen or 2 kernels and
ginrals, for that Stait sent none to Congress ceptin
its heroes. Geffson Davis wuz a candidait, but
hevin sed, in his zeel for repudiashen, that he
wuz for repudiatin all debts, his constitooency wuz
afraid that he mite inclood the Confedrit war
debt, so they defeeted him, and electid Ginral
McGoujum, who held that the Fedral war debt
wuz unconstooshnel, and must be repudiatid, while
the Confederasy's hed ought to be paid ez a consilatory
measure. The ginooine Dimokrasy uv
the North hed electid enuff members to give the
South control uv Congris.
In my dreem I wuz seatid in the gallery uv the
House. A member frum Noo York wuz introdoosin
a bill appropriatin a sum uv money for
the purpose uv erectin a monument to the memory
uv the Union soljers who fell at Gettysburg.
No sooner hed the fanatic red the title uv the
bill, than Ginral McGoujum and Swasher, and
Kernel Pelter, uv Georgy, walked over to his seet,
and with their canes beet him over the hed twenty
or fifteen minits. He wuz carried out for ded.
Ginral McGoujum claimd the floor.
“Mr. Speeker,” sed he, “I 'm bilin! Indignashen
is a heevin and tossin my shivelrus sole in
a most tremenjusly toomulchus stile. I am, Mr.
Speeker, a cittyzen uv this gellorus Republic. I
stand here, 2-day reconstructid and consillyatid—
a loyal man. I hev took the oath, and sence hev
violatid no rool or custom uv this House. I hev
drawd my pay promptly—I hev even wented so
fur in the sperit uv fergivenis and Christian charity,
ez to take that pay in greenbax, instid uv demandin
gold, notwithstandin every wun uv em
bears the portrait uv that feendish ape, that
thirster after gore, that destroyer uv habis corpusis
and constooshnel rites, our late lamentid
President. After makin these sacrificis, shel I
sit here camly, and allow a negro-steelin Yankee
to insult the South with alloosions to Gettysburg,
and sich? Never! Shel a Noo York missegennygenashunist,
in this ere hall, perpose 2 appropriate
the treasure uv our common country to
commemorate a field on wich my constitooency
wuz walloped, without rebuke? Never! He hez
bin rebuked—let him heed the warnin.”
Several Ablishn members riz, but the Dimokrasy
wuz firm, and woodent let em speek. The
Southern members wuz a goin to withdraw in a
body, wen Fernandywood rose and perposed a
compermise, ez follows:
That harmony and good feelin shood prevale,
hentz4th and forever.
The word “war” shel never be yoosed in these
hall; that, whenever referred to, it shel be termed
“misunderstandins.”
That the flags, cannon, and sich-like trophies,
found by the Fedral army in various parts uv the
Southern Staits, be to wunst destroyed.
That penshuns be pade to the misunderstandinists
from both sekshuns, for servises renderd
the guverment.
That the very fields on2 wich these misunderstandins
occurred, be plowed over at the expense
uv the guverment.
That no book be publisht givin any akount uv
prison-life, or sich.
That bunkum orators in this House draw their
alloosions to our military fame solely from the
Mexikin war.
The compermise wuz uv coarse adoptid. Ez
the vote wuz announst, Ginral McGoujum and Fernandywood
rusht in2 eech uther's arms, and wept
down eech uther's bax, while Kernel Pelter waved
a flag over em, formin a picter trooly tetchin.
“Thank hevin,” I exclaimed, ez I awoke frum
this refreshin sleep, “Brooks is ded, but his sperit
still lives—his sole is marchin on. So long ez
we hev a Southern Dimokrasy to demand, and a
Northern Dimokrat to give, all will be well.
Bless the Lord!”
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
