University of Virginia Library

76. LXXVI.
PROPOSES THE EMIGRATION OF THE DEMOCRACY.

I reed in the Scripters (a book I alluz perooze
whenever I 'm bad sick,) suthin about ten tribes
uv Izrel that wuz lost. A ijee struck me. I see
a way by wich the present unholy, devastatin war
kin be stopped, and after givin the matter doo
considerashen, I 'm conwinst uv its feezibility.
It is

EMIGRASHEN!

The Suthern branch uv the Dimekratik party
ought 2 be convinst, by this time, that they ain't
a match for the Ablishnists a fightin, jest ez the

Northern wing hez diskivered that it ain't no
match for em a votin. The fact is, the entire
plan uv repairin the old temple uv Dimokrasy
with secession morter hez very much the appeerance
uv a faleyoor. My father (a Noo Gersey
Dimekrat,) wunst spilled lamp-ile on a noo kote.
He askt a nabor, who wuz reckless, wat wood taik
it out, and he told him sulphuric acid. The old
man got some, and poured it on. The next day
he went over to his adviser in great wrath, with
the remnants uv the kote.

“John,” said the old gentleman, “did n't yoo
tell me that this yere acid wood eradicate greese
from my kote?”

“Certingly; did n't it?”

“John, why did n't you likewise tell me that it
wood also eradicate the kote?”

Alas! the remedy Dimokrasy swallerd to cure
the cramp colic it got in 1860, is gnawin its bowils.
It is curin its ills ez stryknin duz hyderphoby
in a dorg.

2 resoom. My ijee is Mexico. Let a peece be
made, the terms uv which air, that jest sech uv
the peeple uv the old Yoonitid Staits ez hev made
up ther individjle minds that they can n't live
under Ablishn tyranny, shel hev the privilege uv
leevin with all ther goods and chattels. Then

we 'll go to Mexico, upset that offshoot uv European
monerky, Maxemilyen, and set up pure Dimokrasy,
with ekal rites and slaivry ez the cornerstuns.
Sum may obgect on the ground that Maxemilyen
is by this time too hefty to be histid.
Here is the forse we kin kalkilait on:

       

Northern Dimekrats in Canady in consekence uv drafts,	200,000
Northern Dimekrats at home who spectd orfis under Micklellan,	1,460,000
Suthern army, say,	200,000
Grand totle,	1,860,000

Cood Maxemilyen stand afore sich a array ez
that? Not enny.

But sez wun, “Uv wat yoose wood them peece
Dimekrats and draft skeedaddlers be to a military
expedishen—they won't fite.” My gentle frend,
Geff'son D., knows his biznis. Let him whisper
in2 ther eers that eech and every wun uv em that
survives shel hev a post-orfis, and they 'd wade in
blood knee-deep. O, it would be a cheerin site
to see them a chargin up the steeps uv Shepultepec,
with the inspirin cry, “Post-orfis!” Evry
wun uv em wood be a hero.

There we 'd set up Dimokrasy agin. The country,
uv coarse, we 'd divide, North and South,

free and slave, for a Northern Dimekrat wood
feel oneasy in his mind, ef he had n't a South to
serve. We 'd hold Nashnel Convenshuns in the
halls uv the Montezoomers, and, O, woodent it
be soothin 2 agin heer Tooms and Rett, and them
high-minded fellers, a bully-raggin uv us! Methinks.

Ez every wun uv us wood be offis-holders, wher
wood we git constitooence? Nacher hez perwidid.
The natives uv that country wood serve admirably.
But they coodent understand yoor speekers.
Troo, but them Mexicans wood soot us all
the better for not understandin English. Whenever
a Dimekrat got sense enuff in2 him to comperhend
our talk, he alluz left the party. Give
me the voter who takes his faith on trust. It 's
yoor inquirin minds that hez played the devil
with us.

I shel immejitly perpose the matter to President
Davis.