63. LXIII.
THE CANDIDATES AND PLATFORM.
Church uv the Noo Dispensashun, }
September the 8th, 1864.
The nominashens uv the Shecago Convenshun
is made, and altho they do n't soot me, I shall
support em. Post-orfises can't be attained by us,
thro Linkin—Micklellan is the way, and as a
Dimekratik profit I remark, “Walk ye in it.”
But I 'm hevin a time with my flock. Ther 's
more uv a diversity uv opinion than ever I saw
among Dimekrats afore, and I 'm afeered that my
jigantik intellek ain't hefty enuff to reconsile the
diffrenses. I called a meetin last nite, in the
hopes uv settlin matters and restorin harmony.
I took the cheer, and made a few elokent remarks.
Brothers Siples, Spot, Hopp, and Gamp,
who hev faith to bleeve they 'll respectivly hold
the orfises uv assessor, collekter, postmaster, and
provo marshel, on the strength uv remarks I made
to em, wer enthoozyastik for Micklellan. They
bleevd him to be the Dimekratik Messiah, razd
up expressly to save the instooshn. They shood
give him a harty, corjel support.
Brother Punt, who boards me on tick, and who
furnishes me likker on the same terms, wich is ez
good ez I cood wish, and who expex payment wen
I git a orfis, wuz enthoozyastiker for Micklellan
than any uv us. He wuz supprizd at the apathy
that pervaled, wen so much wuz at stake. He
perpozd 3 cheers for Micklellan. Brothers Siples,
Spot, Gamp, Hopp, Punt, and myself cheerd with
the wildest enthoozyasm.
At this pint Brother Guttle ariz. He hed
heerd nonsents enuff. He wuz under 45, and wuz
able-boddid. Consekently he jined the Sons uv
Liberty, and bot a revolver, and had his rifle fixt.
Wat wuz 2 be dun with them tools? Wuz he to
hev no oppertoonity to yoose em? Wat he wantid
to know, wuz Micklellan peese or war? Ef he
wuz peese, all rite. He 'd as soon shoot provo
marshels under his banner, ez eny body's, but
bein a peese man, he must shoot sumboddy. He
hed a neighbor read the platform to him day before
yisterday. He must say he wuz dizgusted.
We are peese. We bleeve in State rites, in immejit
recognishun uv Suthern independense, and
wuz opposed to coershun. To all uv wich he hed
sworn. He did n't go much on oaths, but wen a
oath sootid him he 'd keep it. Why did n't the
convenshun say peese? Ef he hed got to be
dragd in2 the army like a peese lamb to the slawter,
he 'd ez soon let Linkin drag him ez Micklellan.
It wuz the draggin in2 the feeld that he
obgektid 2—not the man who draggd him. He
wantid to know, he did.
I replied 2 this misguidid man. I assoomd
that magestic, lofty, penetratin gase, wich only 2
men in Ameriky possest—me and D. Webster. I
told him that obejense wuz the fust principple uv
Dimokrasy. The convenshun—OUR convenshun,
hed nominatid—all we hed to do wuz 2 vote. Ef
the convenshun hed saw fit to nominate a war
man, on a war platform, it wood hev bin our
dooty 2 hev votid it; but the convenshun wuz not
hard on us. It accommodated us all. Air yoo a
War Dimekrat? Was n't Micklellan a gineral?
Is n't he the inventer uv drafts? Did n't he arrest
the Maryland Lejislacher? Air yoo a peese
man? Did n't the magestik Micklellan endorse
Gudge Woodward? Did n't he take the nominashen
at the hands uv Vallandigum? Air yoo a
Suthern man? Ask any Suthern gineral who
he 'd ruther see at the hed uv our armies, and
he 'd anser, in thunder tones, Micklellan! Then
the platform. Is ther any thing in it agin war?
Is ther any thing in it agin peese? It is a accommodatin
platform, halleloogy! Brother Hopp,
who is a thirstin after human gore, can slake his
thirst at this fountin. To Brother Guttle, who
wuz a peese man, this platform wuz the white-winged
angel herself. I hev n't eggsamined it
critikally, but I hev n't the slightest dout that the
doctrine uv four ordinashen, or totle depravity, or
elekshun, or free-grace, kin be proved from it concloosively.
It 's a broad platform. Ther wuz room on it
for Fernandywood and Sam Cox, for Vallandigum
and Seemore—the pyramid built on sed platform
has room on the apex for Micklellan with his gory
sword, and Pendleton with his olive-branch, halleloogy!
Brother Guttle wuz reprimanded. I hev n't
any dout that my Church will be a unit in support
uv the nominashens. Ef we cood stop the
runnin 2 Canady in consekens uv the draft, I hev
no dout we wood hev our yoosual majority.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
