University of Virginia Library

85. LXXXV.
THE FALL OF RICHMOND AND LEE'S SURRENDER.

I survived the defeet uv Breckinridge in 1860,
becoz I knode the Dimokrasy cood rase up in
arms agin the unconstooshnality uv electin a
seckshnal President, who wuz impregnatid with
any seckshnal ijees that he got north uv Mason
and Dixon's line.

I survived the defeet uv Micklellan, (who wuz,
trooly, the nashen's hope and pride likewise,) becoz
I felt assoored that the rane uv the goriller
Linkin wood be a short wun; that in a few months,
at furthest, Ginral Lee wood capcher Washinton,
depose the ape, and set up there a constooshnal
guverment, based upon the great and immutable
trooth that a white man is better than a nigger.

I survived the loss uv Atlanty, and Savanner,
and Charleston, becoz, dependin on Suthern papers,
I bleeved that them places wuz given up—
mind, given up—becoz the Confedrits desired to
consentrate for a crushin blow.

I survived the fall uv Richmond, tho it wuz a

staggrer; becoz I still hed faith that that grate
and good man, Lee, did it for stratejy, that he
mite consentrate hisself sumwhers else; and when
the Ablishnists jeered me, and sed “Richmond,”
and “Go up, bald-hed,” to me, I shook my fist at
em, and sed, “Wait, and yoo 'll see.”

I wuz a lookin for the blow that wuz to foller
this consentratin.

It cum!

But it wuz us who reseevd it, and a deth-blow
it wuz. Ajacks defied the litenin; cood he hev
bin a Northern Dimekrat, and stood this lick unmoved,
he mite hev dun it with perfek safety.

“Lee surrenderd!”

Good hevins! Is this the end uv the consentratin?
Is this the dyin in the last ditch? Is
this the fightin till the last man wuz a inanimait
corpse? Is this the bringin up the childern to
take their places, ez the old ones peg out under
Yankee bullits?

“Lee surrenderd!

Why, this ends the biznis. Down goes the curtain.
The South is conkered! CONKERED!! CONKERED!!!
Linkin rides into Richmond! A
Illinois rale-splitter, a buffoon, a ape, a goriller, a
smutty joker, sets hisself down in President Davis's
cheer, and rites despatchis! Where are the

matrons uv Virginia? Did they not bare their
buzzums and rush on2 the Yankee bayonets that
guarded the monster? Did they not cut their
children's throtes, and wavin a Confederit flag
in one hand, plunge a meat-knife in2 their throbbin
buzzums with the tother, rather than see
their city dishonered by the tred uv a conkerer's
foot?

Alars! not wunst.

Per contrary! I reed in the papers that they
did rush wildly thro the streets, with their childern
in their arms.

But it wuz at the Yankee commissary trains,
who give em bread and meat, wich they eat vociferously.

Their buzzums wuz bare.

But it wuz becoz their cloze hed worn out, and
they did n't know how to weave cloth for new
wuns.

In breef, they actid about ez mean ez a Northern
Dimekrat ever did, and to go lower is unnessary.

This ends the chapter. The Confederasy hez
at last consentratid its last consentrate. It 's ded.
It 's gathered up its feet, sed its last words, and
deceest. And with it the Dimokrasy hez likewise
given up the ghost. It may survive this, but I

can't see how. We staked our political fortune
on it; we went our bottom dollar on it; it 's gone
up, and we ditto. Linkin will serve his term
out—the tax on whisky won't be repeeled—our
leeders will die off uv chagrin, and delirium tremens
and inability to live so long out uv offis, and
the sheep will be skattered. Farewell, vane
world. I 'll embrace the Catholic faith and be a
nun, and in a cloister find that rest that pollytix
kin never give.