37. XXXVII.
SUBMITS A PLAN FOR THE SALVATION OF THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
Church uv St. —, December the 2d, 1863.
I am not apt to change. Ez the Samist sez,
“Wunst I wuz yung, but now I am old;” but
yung er old, it has alluz bin the saim with me.
Whisky strate hez bin my bevridge, and Dimokrasy
my tikkit, wun and inseprable, and I hev
stuck to em with a fidelity ekaled by few and
serpast by nun. But the time hez cum fer a
raddykel change, in order to saiv the good old
party I hev ornamented so long. My reezens
are these:
The rebelyun is played out. Our Suthern brethrin
is gone in. To use figgerativ langidge, wich
will be understood in the circles in wich I am
akustomed 2 move, Linkin has made 4 alreddy,
and holds high, low, and jack. So long as ther
wuz any chanse for the 15 Dimekratik staits to
succeed, it was natrel for us to help em, for then
we cood ezy jine with em agin; but ez they are
past prayin for, wat is wisdom for us? Clerely
to help wipe em out. Why? In my skriptooral
reedin I wunst found a histry uv a steward who
wuz about losin his plais. Like Hamlick, he
soliloquizd, “Wat kin I do? I can't work, I
do n't fancy beggin, and hev n't got the greenbax
to start a grosery.” (Groseries wuz cash in
Judee.) A lucky thot emergd frum his Websterian
intellek. “I hev it,” sez he to hisself. “I
am yet steward. I will giv receets in full to
them ez owes my boss, and wen my day uv trubble
cums, I 'll board with em.”
The pint is plane. Wile in the serviss uv our
Suthrin masters we wuz rayther hard on our Afrikin
brethrin. We did beat em, and choak em,
and did despitefully use em. We can't count on
the Sutherners no more—let us elevait the nigger
to the plais his master okepide in the party.
Like the steward aforesed, let us do good to them
we was wunst tuff on, that we may hev frends
wen we need em. Let that hory old dotard,
Tawny, be assassynated, and sum wun appinted
in his plais, that will reverse his decision that
they hedent eny rites that wite men was bound
to respeck; let Samcox and Fernandywood interdoose
bills abollyshin slaivry in the staits, and
givin evry Afrikin brother a quarter secshun uv
land, a 2-hoss teem, a red bunnit with artefishel
flowers on to it—maik em sittyzens, and then—
We 'd get evry wun uv em. This wood give
us the fifteen Suthrin staits as in the happy daze
uv yoar, and the 500,000 uv our cullerd brethrin,
now in Canady, cood be brot back to the land uv
their nativity, and distribbited thro Ohio and Noo
York, so ez to redeem them staits frum the rule
uv misgided Abolish—I meantersay, Republikins.
This plan is feezible, and pekoolierly adapted to
the Dimekratik mind, wich is flexyble—very. Let
it be adoptid, and wunst more will the good ole
party repose under the shadder uv the Trezury
bildins; wunst agin will the chozn few dror regler
salaries; and the nashen flurish under the blessins
we lost wen Bookannon, the gileless, retird to
privit life.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
