75. LXXV.
HAS A FRIGHTFUL DREAM.
Saint's Rest, (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Jersey, }
November the 29th, 1864.
I 'm bein afflicted with dreems. It 's wery seldom
that I lay my manly form down 2 rest, that
dreems uv the most friteful karricter do n't take
posseshun uv me, and I awake in the mornin
feelin ez tired ez I do after a hard day's dodgin
creditors, wich is exhaustin.
Last nite I hed a dreem, the recolleckshun
whereof is enuff 2 drive a dray hoss uv ordinary
sensibilities crazy. Methawt Dimokrasy wuz ded,
that his funeral wuz apinted for the 4th uv March,
that that day had arriv, and that the frends uv
the deceest hed bin inwitid. I wuz on the spot
airly, but, 2 my surprize, quite a number uv
mourners wuz there afore me. Ther wuz Thomus
Gefferson, and Androo Jaxson, and Steven A.
Duglis, and Silus Wright, and Jimmy K. Poke,
and sich. The corpse wuz that uv a giant, who
hed evidently died uv dissipashen—wunst strong
and wiggerus, but redoost 2 a shaky skelliton.
Presently Fernandywood, Frank Peerse, Vallandigum,
and Vorhees hove in site. They kum a
busslin up, ez tho they wuz the legitimit heirs and
assigns aforesed uv the deceest, but ez soon ez
they recognized them ez wuz standin round the
corpse, they turned pale and sneeked off ez fast ez
their legs cood carry em. These distinguished
individooels wuz a weepin bitterly over the corpse,
particklerly Gefferson. “I am his fond parient,”
he exclaimed; “I guided his infant steps; I—but
what the dev—”
This exclamashen escaped Tomus, ez his eagle
eye lit onto a bootiful nigger-whip wich the defunct
hed clutched into his emashiatid hand.
“He never got that from me,” continued Tomus,
with a expreshun uv intense dissgust; “I sent the
gushin yooth in2 the world to do away with them
things.”
Wright hed found a revolver and a pair uv
handcuffs in his pocket, wich he dropped as tho
they burnt him. Jaxon took out uv his vest a
packige labeld “Stait Rites.” “Good hevins!”
remarkt he, flingin it from him, “did the ijeot
forgit my teechins ez soon ez I left him, and
take up with the heresis uv that scoundril, Calhoon?”
Duglis hed bin serchin, and next to the hart he
found a hevy packige, markt “Seceshn,” at wich
they all startid back with upliftid hands, ez I 've
seed play-akters do when they see the gost uv
ther ded muther.
“He wuz devotid 2 his country wen I startid
him,” sed Gefferson.
“Him and me put our heel on seceshn wunst,”
wept Jaxon.
“My frends,” sed Duglis, “I wuz the guardian
uv the deceest up to 4 yeers ago. He fell in2 bad
hands in '52, and got wild. He becum quarrelsome,
graspin, and at the saim time dissipatid.
I tried to keep him strate, but in vane. Sich
men ez Bookannon and Peerse hed more inflooense
with him than I, and they led him astray.
He squandered all the estate yoo left him, the
valyooable part uv wich wuz bought in by a consern
at the hed uv wich is A. Linkin, uv my
Stait, who, by makin a proper yoose uv it, is doin
a good biznis. To save him, I endorst for him in
'60, but he bustid me, and sellin all that he had
left, he went in2 the employ uv that Calhoon consern,
wich wuz jest startin up, ez I left, and I am
paned 2 say that he contracted 2 do all their
dirty work. It wuz that wich killed him.”
“Bury the cuss—he stinks!” exclaimed they all
in korious, the noise whereof awoke me.
I feel thankful that we modern Dimekrats see
Gefferson, Jaxon, and sich, only in dreems.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
